Messages I Got This Week

I set up my profile just over a week ago, and have averaged about 20 messages a day since then. Lord almighty, save me from the men of the Internet. A high percentage of these emails clock in at under five words, of course, most of them being "hi/hey/ho" or "sup", but whenever I log into my account, I know there may be a gem waiting for me.

Previous entries here and here.

*"Wanna see me naked?"

       -No! But thank you for your kind and generous offer.

*"Ayo gurl r u a beaver?! Cuz dam!!!"

       -If he had spelled a higher percentage of words in his message right, we'd be getting married right now. I love a good pun.

*"Lmao. Omg I love girls who cuss. I dunno why. It's just funny as fuk."

       -I feel like a creature in a zoo. Girls who CUSS. What a novelty! It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs.

*"Maybe we can do something spontaneous together sometime."

       -You want to make a plan to do something spontaneous? That seems a bit contradictory.

*And my personal favorite for the pure ridiculousness began with, "I don't normally do this, but..."

       -YOU'RE ON A FUCKING ONLINE DATING SITE YOU DORK. COME UP WITH A NEW LINE.