Wednesday, July 31, 2013

"I was just wondering if you wanted to have sex with me?"

Via Buzzfeed, check out this hilarious social experiment wherein a girl and a guy both ask members of the opposite gender to, well, fuck them.

Results are hilaaaarious.

Tacos and Talks

Y'all, I made a friend!

Last night I had plans to have a sleepover with one of the girls from my yoga training. The original agenda was to study some sequencing and veg at my place, but we were in the mood to go out so we hit up the Cabo Cantina for Taco Tuesday, and it turned out to be a very interesting night.

We got to the bar and it was crowded due to their 2 for 1 happy hour, and we decided to hit the bathroom before searching for a table. It was occupied, so we waited, and then surprisingly a dude emerged from the ladies'. We had a somewhat hilarious interaction with him, he held the door for us, then we went on our merry way.

When we emerged and reentered the bar, we ran smack dab into him and his friends, and ended up spending the whole night with them. We had so much fun! They were half drunken douchebags, half totally nice guys, and thoroughly entertaining, and it was just awesome to have a night out socializing with some new people. Mostly, though, it was just so awesome to spend time with my new yoga friend, who I shall nickname Sunshine, and bond with her over the tons of stuff we have in common.

We got tipsy on margaritas, stumbled home from the bar arm in arm, cuddled with Tree and gossiped in bed, then passed out happily.

It was a fantastic night.

I made a FRIEND!

Tuesday, July 30, 2013

Assorted thoughts of the day.

  • I forgot to put on deodorant this morning. Whoops.
  • When I arrived at work yesterday, something was amiss. I felt off balance. It took me a few minutes to realize that all the trees across the street had been cut down, totally changing my view and the light coming in through the front door. THINGS FEEL SO VERY WEIRD.
  • Hung out with MI last night, and he leaves in a week. I ain't sad about it. We've (or at least, I've) really enjoyed our time together and I'm totally digging my new casual dating attitude. It's so fucking FUN. 

  • I had cake today.
  • Amongst other things.
  • I feel fat.

  • I have plans tonight to hang out with one of the yoga girls and study. Yay for making new friends!
  • In fact, I'm busy every night this week. Yay for having a life!
  • I didn't go to yoga yesterday, but I went today, so that's 6 out of the last 7 days! GO ME!
  • SO MANY !!!!

  • more thoughts.

"That someone is me..."

Monday, July 29, 2013


I had my second date with the newest boy in my stable on Saturday.

He's just...sweet.

We had a great time, we had a drink and saw a scary movie (The Conjuring) and I clung to him like a total girl and we laughed and talked after.

And then we kissed.

And as I was wrapped up in his arms, I could feel his little heart just pounding through his chest. I've seriously never had that effect on someone before. Through his skin, his shirt, and mine, I could feel it struggling to burst through to reach me.

It made me fall for him just a little bit.

My girlfriend nicknamed him Thumper.

It fits.

Lazy Linkage

The Real Women Behind Disney Princesses

This is fun! Kristen Bell will make an excellent Disney princess.

30 Reasons Cats Are Terrible Friends



How to Lose All The Weight You Want in Just 89 Simple Steps

Ha. Hahahaha. Haaaaa. So good.
"47. WAIT! Eat like a caveman, even though they were not very tall. Or bright. They didn't have yogurt, did they?"
27 Symptoms Of Dating In Los Angeles

Oh this is just fantastic, and dead on. I will not reply to a guy who lives on the other side of the city unless he's really cute, I mean that's practically a long distance relationship! And I cannot tell you how many emails I've gotten remarking upon the fact that I am one of the few profiles without a headshot photo.

How to Win Friends and Lovers (Mainly Lovers) With Your Online Profile


Back to Basics



So, I've confessed to being off track. And this weekend I was intent on turning it all around and getting my ass into gear.

Instead, I binged. Fully and completely and with reckless abandon.

Le sigh.

I don't want to think about food anymore. I don't want to think about how much to eat, or when, or what, or why. I don't want to think about my weight, my pants getting tighter, my stomach sticking out like a pregnant belly, my arms jiggling, my face rounding. I don't want to worry any more about my health, my happiness, my self-hatred, my self-esteem.

I just want to fucking be.

But I can't be. Not yet. I still have to work.


It's time to get back to basics. It's time to rediscover the principles, the core tenets, the things that helped me in the beginning. I need to pretend this is all new to me, not an old familiar song I'm forced to sing again and again. I get so down on myself whenever I feel like I'm starting over, like it's something to be ashamed of, humiliated by. But it's not.

It's just life.

I woke up this morning and went to the grocery store. I got good things for the work fridge, so I should be set for breakfasts and lunches this week. I will get my dinners sorted out tonight. I will clean my fucking kitchen. I will get my shit together.

For the next three days, I will eat as well as I can. I will not track, I will not curse myself, I will not get down if I falter. But I will just try. Ease back into it. Rediscover the healthy habits I know I've had before.

Then August 1st, baby. It's back to Weight Watchers. I know what works, I know what I need to do. I need to track everything I eat, I need to continue with this yoga streak I'm on (five days in a row!), and I need to be gentle with myself.

Back to basics.

I can do this.

I just have to try.

Friday, July 26, 2013

Love is a motherfucker.

I've contemplated writing this post for awhile, but have resisted because, makes me feel pathetic. More than pathetic. But you know, I try to be honest with you all for the most part, and so quite honestly, this has been on my mind for awhile, and maybe getting it out will clear the cobwebs out of my brain and help me move on. goes.

Confession time:

I can't stop thinking about the Ginger.

I know. I know. It's been a fucking year. And he was a jerk to me. And we didn't date that long. And he apologized for the jerkness. And I accepted.

I should have closure. I shouldn't be thinking about him.

But I don't. And I do.

I fantasize about running into him on the street. I look for him when I'm out at bars. I contemplate if I'd replied differently to that apology, things would have turned out another way. I imagine he's thinking about me, somewhere, somehow. I just...wonder.

I don't really want him back. I just need to see him. I just want that moment.

Just to see.

I've analyzed this obsession. I'm pretty sure I only feel this way because he rejected me, and if things had simply run their course, I probably would have lost interest and I would have moved on. But no, he had to pull some asshole bullshit, and I'm left a year later still with these motherfucking feelings.


I'm crazy.

See, I think I accepted the apology too readily. I was so shocked to receive it, via text at 11 at night, no doubt drunken on his part, and I replied without considering my response for more than a few minutes. And so while I accepted his sorry, I'm not sure I really forgave. I never got a change to speak my mind, we didn't have a real conversation. The last time we saw each other he just stopped by for half a second to pick up his wallet, then left. I didn't know it would be the last time I ever saw or spoke to him. I never again heard his voice, or saw his face. His apology was an intangible thing, without weight or substance or meaning to me. He got to get off scot-free, and I never got a real why.

And so I just can't seem to let go.


I know there's nothing I can do, unless I want to be the crazy bitch who Facebooks him a year later. Which I definitely do not.

So...this is why I'm dating like crazy. I'm searching. Searching for that connection I felt with him, that spark, that chemistry I have never felt with anyone else. When I first met him, and he kissed my cheek at the end of our first date, I just about died. I want that again. It has to exist, right?

I just want proof that it's out there. That this stupid guy isn't the only one who can make me feel that way.

In the wise words of Samantha Jones...

Slice and Dice

Last night, I gave myself a paper cut on a cardboard box. A cardboard cut, if you will.

This morning, I did it again. Same finger.


You have never hurt like I hurt.

Are you laughing at me?

Don't laugh at me. 

I want to go back to bed.

Thursday, July 25, 2013

"Count on me through life's changes..."

Yoga Date

My previously mentioned work crush accompanied me to a yoga sculpt class this morning.

Hot. Sweaty. Muscles.


Of course, I didn't really think this plan through when I invited him to meet me there.

I'm so attractive.

Wednesday, July 24, 2013

Loungin' Around by Polyvore

Shorts 'n Sass

River Island spaghetti strap tank
$34 -

Hot pants

Steve madden flat

Hexagon ring

GUESS by Marciano cat-eye glasses

Pachyderms and Purrs

H&M skinny jeans
$31 -

Witchery pointy toe flat
$120 -

Materia prima

Fornash bracelet charm

Boardwalk Strollin'

Muscle tshirt

Label Lab long skirt
$120 -

Sperry Top-Sider flat sandals

Accessorize satchel handbag

Hive & Honey drop earrings


I'm a motherfuckin' dating MACHINE.

Met me a new boy last night for sushi dinner. Delicious. The sushi, not the boy. I didn't taste him.


Let's start over.

I'm a motherfuckin' dating MACHINE! I saw Mr. Improviser (MI) on Sunday and Monday, then this new guy yesterday. I am such the busy little bee. A slutbee. Bee for boys. BEES!

I'm on a dating high.

*deep breaths*

See, I haven't told you the deal with MI, I don't think. He's part of a traveling improv team who tour colleges (hence the new nickname), and they're actually based out of Chicago. He's from LA and technically lives here, but during the touring season he's you Chicago, or living on a bus. On our first date I apparently misunderstood him when he said how long he was in town for, because it turns out he leaves soon. Like, August 5th soon.

No wonder he's wanted to see me so much.

I quite honestly am not bummed about this. I've enjoyed spending time with him, and will continue to see him till he leaves if he's so inclined, but in the week we've been seeing each other I haven't developed any real feelings or precursor to feelings. I him. He's nice. But I'm not invested and I'm not attached, so it's probably for the best that he leaves sooner rather than later to go make people laugh, and I can move onto shiny new bees.

Am I the bee, or are they? I really don't know where I've gone with this joke.

SO ANYWAY. New guy seems sweet. He's the first one I've met off of, so basically my mother bought him for me. He has a real job, none of this Hollywood crap. He's not really my "type", if I even have a type, but you know, nice and employed is a good type, so let's go with that. He already asked me to see a movie with him this weekend, so he earns points for being forward.

Let's hope this bee doesn't sting.

Lather, Rinse, Repeat


I went out on a first date last night (more on this later) and came home to find my inbox chock full of messages. I changed my main picture yesterday, so I guess I popped up on everyone's homepage or something and they were all, "HEY-O!" Or something.

Anyway, so I'm scanning through the emails, not particularly taken in by any of them. And I recognize a profile name. And I click to read.

And O.M.G.

Once again, I have been found by someone I've dated before.

"Heya. We went out a couple of times last year at some point. To my recollection, I think it petered out due to me being an awkward mofo and/or an idiot. Does this ring a bell? However, my gut tells me that maybe we should hang out again. Your laugh was pretty cool." 

Seriously, what is the Internet but a giant recycling bin? Do I really make that much of an impression, or are the pickings really just that slim? Should I be totally embarrassed that this guy and I met off of OKC, and he messaged me now on Match? Should this guy and my other repeat get together and have a threesome?

These are my questions.

So, the deal with this dude is that he was the first one I went out with last year when I started up with OkCupid. I remember our second date came the day after my first date with the Ginger, and I was so totally enamored with that boy I was barely present on our outing. After getting his message I started wondering if maybe I didn't give him a fair shot, then I had an epiphany.

I was blogging back then! Perhaps my own thoughts on this boy are at my fingertips, waiting for me. Aaaand yup. I reference him here and here (Bachelor #1).

And I quote:

"...he was a little too fixated on how much and how fast he could drink, we barely had any chemistry, conversational or otherwise, and honestly...he had a little bit of Nerd Voice. I can't handle NV."

Now, the chemistry thing can be explained away with my preoccupation with The Ginger. But as for the rest...yeah. I don't think I need to be rinse/repeating on this one.



Tuesday, July 23, 2013

A little linkage.

The only Royal Baby gif you need, from Buzzfeed.

Good For Gossip: Elaine “Lainey” Lui Tells All

Great profile of one of my fave bloggers, Lainey of LaineyGossip.

30 People Who Should Have Their Dating Privileges Revoked

Bahahaha. What winners. Where can I find me a man like this?

This makes me so sad and angry. Yes, we should prevent an overweight child from participating in something healthy and active! That makes TOTAL SENSE!

And check out this amazing parody of "Blurred Lines", switching men for women. So GOOD.

Also, Bill Clinton singing his own version here

Cookie Cutter Crazy

I'm going to put this out into the universe. Maybe if I see the words on screen, say them to you all, my ever loyal readers, I'll actually hear them, and absorb them, and take them to heart.

I really need to stop eating.

I'm not binging, no. Not really. But I am certainly eating badly, and I am definitely eating more than I need to be. And I have been for quite some time, since my Whole30, really, off and on. But binging, no, I won't call it that. So that's good, right?

You know what I think it is? Despite the fact that things are going mostly well for me right now, teacher training and new boys and fun times, I'm feeling so...unfulfilled. Unsatisfied. I want more of something, and I don't know what, and I'm using food to try to fill whatever this void is inside me. Instead of eating well and nourishing my body and nurturing my soul and making myself happier in the way I know works best, I'm stuffing my feelings down with all this crap I know I don't need, and I'm just carving that void bigger and bigger. Because I don't want to be happy, apparently.

I'm so stereotypical.

I just want. All the time. I want to be happier, but I don't want to do the work. I want more attention, and more validation, and more success, but I don't think I deserve any of it, and I again, don't want to work for it. I want to be thinner and prettier and better and smarter, I want to be more than I am, but I don't know how. I just want want want.

And right now, I really want a cookie.

Things I Appreciate

*A text (however belated) from TS, apologizing for disappearing on me. It's nice to be acknowledged as a person.

*A lunchtime spoon sesh yesterday with Mr. Tree. It's the very definition of a catnap!

*A great hair day.

*An excuse to wear my business professional dress. Board meeting days are usually stressful but I think today is going to be less so. I just get to look cute, and sit.

*Free hot dogs for lunch. HOT DOGS.

*A sushi date tonight with a new boy. Gettin' my hussy on.

*A little rain yesterday morning. I love the rain.

*A general sense of wellness. Let's hope it lasts.

Monday, July 22, 2013

#@(*$&398 VERONICA!

Check it out!

The first sneak peak of the Veronica Mars movie.

#@()$*&#)($*#)(*$ SO EXCITED! WORDS! WORDS! #W()*$#)(*$)#(@*$@!!!!!

Weekend Shenanigans: A Recap

I can't remember the last day I let pass without posting on the blog. And somehow, I let a whole weekend go by?! What is wrong with me?

My deepest apologies for my absence. I was in Santa Barbara, living life, having a blast, and was not sitting around on my laptop per usual.

Recap time!

I took Friday off work, drove to SB, got mani/pedis with the Biff, and then we had a classic SB night seeing a movie on the courthouse lawn. We watched "North By Northwest" while cuddled up with pillows and blankets on the grass under the stars, drinking champagne and eating cookies, and it was pretty fucking magical.

Saturday morning, we went to the beach and I taught a yoga class for the Biff. It was great practice and so much fun. She put herself in the mind of a beginner and it was super helpful to see how my cues were interpreted by someone who knows yoga but was pretending not to. Plus, the puppies were very helpful as well.

Then that evening I attended yet another wedding! One of my friends from high school married her best friend and boyfriend of something like six or seven years, and it was an absolutely beautiful event. She was overjoyed (and tipsy), he was beaming with pride (and drunk as well), and it was just a love-filled event full of dancing and laughing and....drinking.

Sunday there was brunch with the Biff, teacher training (at which I got some great feedback from my instructor on my presence), then another date with this new boy. Yup. Four dates in a week. He might like me.

We went to trivia again with his friends, then it turned out that motherfucking Dave Chappelle was doing an impromptu set at the boy's improv theater just down the street, so we ran over there and caught the last hour of his stand-up. So. Much. FUN! Such a classic LA night. I was stoked on it.

Oh yeah, and I'm kinda stoked on the boy too? Maybe?

So that was my weekend.

I'm exhausted.


Friday, July 19, 2013

New Perspective

I've been sorely lacking in creativity lately. I'm sure this totally lackluster blogspace has made that perfectly clear.

Maybe I just need a change of scenery.

Thursday, July 18, 2013


It's been awhile since Mr. Tree was appropriately featured on the blog, don't you think?

Of course, he was thrilled with our visitor last night. You know Bentley loves the boys, he was all over his jock within minutes, I kid you not. To my suitor's credit, he nuzzled and loved on the kitty, clearly aware that doing so was the price to get the same from me.

But come on, it wasn't too tough for him, I'm sure. Lookattheface.