"You punish yourself a lot, then when you fight back you wonder why."
Isn't that just about the purest nugget of truth you've read on this blog in a long, long time?
I've thought variations on that same thing before, as I've been exploring my resistance to goals and challenges, thinking about how I try to force change on myself, why I struggle with the "shoulds" and the "musts" of life. But she just phrased it so succinctly and perfectly.
When I'm coming up with weekly goals or plans for self-improvement or lists of ways I want to be different, they're punishments. They don't come from a positive place. They're penalties for perceived misdeeds, for not being good enough. So of course I rebel against myself, against the negativity, it's what I do!
I've been much happier this week, without a pile of external to-dos weighing me down, without a ticking clock counting down to failure.
That should tell me something.