I don't know what it is. I'm fine, or you know, fine-ish. I know when I disappear it's usually 'cause I'm at rock bottom, but this time it's not rock bottom.
Maybe that's why it's harder.
Starting over from scratch has an inherent romanticism in it. A purity. There's something so lovely about beginning anew.
But I'm not beginning anew. I'm just...being. And that has just seemed a little bit frustrating. I'm not totally off the rails like I would have been in the past, but I'm not being my structured, healthy self. I'm definitely not doing well, but I'm not beating myself up every step of the way. So I don't have to make some dramatic shift in my personality or behaviors, I just have to...reset.
And hitting that button is not as easy this week as it's been in the past.
And so, I have been hiding.
But you know what?