Tuesday, May 21, 2013

Ultra Fat

I knew it would happen eventually.

I mean, I hoped it wouldn't. I thought, maybe, it might not. But I knew deep down it would. I would get a Fat Message. Because despite my weight loss, despite the compliments poured on me like sugar from my friends and family, I know I'm not thin or fit yet, and the pictures I've put up on OkCupid reflect that.

A message I got today read as follows:

"Y do u look ultra fat in one picture and skinny in the rest?"

Stupid fucking assholes on dating sites, sending mean messages just for the hell of it.

I would really try hard to just write it off, if I didn't know the exact picture he was talking about, which is this one that I put up yesterday after my adventure. 

I debated putting it up. I thought about putting up the other one, which is more flattering, but this one is just a better picture over all. And whatever, horizontal stripes are just tricky, and I decided what the hell, fuck it. I like that pic, I'll use it. 

And then this fucking troll, with no pictures and a profile with one sentence about sex. A profile that was then deleted within a half an hour. TROLL. TROLL GETTING INSIDE MY HEAD. 

So I cropped the picture. I caved to the troll.

I know I look fine in that picture, I do, but it made me feel better to clear my head of the message and my own, pre-determined insecurities.

Fucking troll.


  1. Hey! I did a bad thing and cross-referenced one of your pictures from OkCupid on Google Image leading me to your blog. I wish I hadn't because I think I would have very much enjoyed talking to you as a friend. Now I feel like any sort of contact would be tainted given your OKC and blog are different worlds.

    I have intruded on your privacy, and I apologize. However, I will say your struggles with image and online dating have definitely given me something to think about. For the record, you look lovely. In the meantime I wish you the best and believe you should keep on trucking with both your blog and profile.

    --Fellow OKC User

    1. Hah! Oh good lord, boy, I've wondered if this would happen. Thanks for confessing, you've given me something to think about and now I think I may have to do some picture change ups, 'cause GOD FORBID someone else isn't as honest as you.

      Enjoy the blog, stick around if you like.

      And good luck on your search!