The Reset Button

You know my very favorite thing about Weight Watchers?

The reset button.

Every week, you get to hit it and start over. Bam. It's done. New week, new batch of weekly points, new chance to earn activity points and get your shit right. Wipe the slate clean. Tabula rasa.

My problem is, if I mess up, I can't really hit a mental reset until my Weight Watchers week is actually over. I'm sure I could if someone held a gun to my head, but you know, behaviorally, on my own, I just...can't. I tried today and I failed, I was tempted by the Wednesday lunch pasta and desserts, and my self-defeatist attitude.

It doesn't matter how long I've been at this, I still get stuck in the same self-destructive behaviors.

Self-demeaning.

Self-demolishing.

But I want to break that phone. Just break it.

It's such a cliche, the way my brain trips me up, when I stumble I want to fall, when I eat a little I think, might as well eat a lot.

I'm a case study in cray.

I know I'll try tomorrow, and maybe I'll succeed, but I'll probably fail. Maybe that's negative thinking, or maybe it's just realistic. I already know there will be booze and appetizers after work, so I know I'm in for a hard day.

But I also know on Friday, when my week starts over once again, I'll be infused with a fresh batch of motivation, and I'll be ready to face a new week with a new attitude.

This is what we decided in therapy tonight. Maybe I don't have to be so hard on myself about this one thing (well, all things, but this one thing in particular). Maybe I can allow myself this habit, this ritual or quirk, and know it works for me. I like symbolism, I love my new week and my fresh slate, and I need to let myself wait for that moment.

I just love my button, and I know on Friday, I will reset.