Disappointed GirlTalk Texts

(Unfortunately, I think the Ginger has revealed himself as the craftiest of Stealth Assholes. Haven't seen him nor talked much since I returned from Spain. He has a very small window of opportunity in which to redeem himself...but I don't think he cares.)

Me: Dating is just HARD. And stressful. I don't have the energy to deal with a bunch more douches.

BFF: I hear ya, sister!

ME: Men. Psh. Must they ALL be such cliches?

BFF: If they weren't, we wouldn't get to feel so superior.

30 Days Till Vegas

Every year since I turned 21, my best girl friends and I have journeyed to Las Vegas for a weekend of grand debauchery.

And every year, I've been big.

Now, that doesn't mean I didn't get attention. Nay, I found that in such a huge pool of horny desperate dudes, the ones who are attracted to the larger ladies definitely sought me out. But still, even with guys coming up to dance with me, I still felt painfully self-conscious standing next to all my stunningly gorgeous friends. I'd feel awkward at the pool, covered up in my one piece with size twos shaking their asses in my face. I'd feel embarrassed, like I didn't have the right to be out, having fun, when I looked the way I did.

Just this weekend, I thought to myself how nice it would feel to be in the 130s for Vegas this year. That decade is my holy grail---anything under 150 is foreign to me, but the 130s to me mean THIN. They mean SUCCESS. I got down to 133 before my freshman year of college, and have never been lighter than that, except maybe middle school. But I'm a realistic girl, and that meant losing about 9 pounds in a month, and I try to never set myself up for failure. So I stuck with my goal of 145 for the trip, which was entirely doable.

And then.

This morning, I had my weigh-in. I lost 3.8 pounds, putting me officially at a 50+ pound loss, making my BMI no longer overweight, making me 144. Making the 130s a mere 5 pounds away.

That is definitely possible.

We leave in exactly 30 days. I am going to kick my ass into high gear. Hot yoga for health, running for my legs, and weights for my arms. I'm going to cook. I'm going to stop eating Cheetos.

And maybe, just maybe, I'll rock a bikini this year.

Visual Reminder

I know that I've lost 50 pounds.

I know that I've shrank in size.

But sometimes, I look in the mirror and I don't really see that much of a change.

The dozen or so compliments I received this weekend at the wedding really affirmed what I should already know: I look completely different.

Let's compare, shall we?

July 2011: 195ish
July 2012: 145ish

October 2011: 195ish
July 2012: 145ish

March 2012: 174
July 2012: 150

March 2010: 185ish
July 2011: 145ish

Summer Wedding Style

• Dress by Valerie Bertinelli
• Earrings and Bracelet by So Good Jewelry
• Shoes by Nine West

Heartless in San Francisco

Rehearsal Dinner Style

Oh, hello morning.

I'm tucked in bed in my own private hotel room, feeling like a very fancy adult...you know, an adult that would rather starve than put on pants and go search for something healthy to eat. Far too much work. I'll play on the Internet instead.

Last night was Event #1 of Wedding Weekend. I have known the bride since we were in kindergarten, and she has been with her soon-to-be-husband since high school. They are an absolutely perfect couple together, and I'm so happy to be in San Francisco celebrating with them. I attended the weddings of her two older sisters and both were very swanky occasions, so I'm excited for tonight's festivities.

The rehearsal dinner last took place at the Press Club underneath the Four Seasons Hotel. A very classy wine bar, I would definitely go back on a night they're open to the public. We drank and made merry, I kept myself pretty much in check so I can go a little crazier tonight at the reception, and I looked really damn adorable.

Yeah, I said it. What?

• Dress by Connected Apparel (Marshalls, of course. $30...and the first size 6 I have ever worn in my LIFE. EEEEEE.)
• Cardigan by Halogen
• Earrings by Owlita
• Ring by So Good Jewelry
• Shoes by Steve Madden

Pretty Pretty Princess

Today I lived the life of a spoiled trophy wife.

I began my day with a haircut. Then a massage. Followed by a facial. Topped off with a mani/pedi.

I am buffed and polished to perfection, ready for a fancy schmancy wedding this weekend at the St. Regis in San Francsico.

Style posts to come, of course. And hopefully hilarious stories of drunken shenanigans.

Happy Birthday, America!

Scenes from Spain

Phase Two

Have I mentioned how much I love new beginnings?

The first of the year. The first of the month. My birthday. Any random Monday. I love the idea of starting afresh, new and shiny, staring a blank slate right in the face (mixing metaphors much?). Everything can change, improve. The past can be wiped clean from my memory, and I only look forward.

For years, I would try to begin new diets and healthy lifestyles on these kinds of days. Sure that I could restart my brain and my habits and become an entirely new person. It never really worked, of course. Until this year.

On January 1st, I swore that 2012 would be different. I would be different. I would not longer wallow in self-loathing and abject misery. I would not longer abuse my body like I had another one waiting in the wings. I would not spend the second half of my 20s the way I spent the first, huddled by a window, hiding from the world and myself, watching life pass me by.

On Monday, January 2nd, exactly six months ago today, I joined Weight Watchers.

In that six months, I've lost almost 50 pounds (official number to come on Wednesday at weigh-in). I've overall lost about 5-6 inches everywhere, less in my boobs, 'cause they are apparently going to stay the same size. I've discovered that I actually can learn how to eat like a normal person. I've found that exercise is not punishment for being fat, and even more than that, I can actually like it. And I might actually like cooking. I've cut the tie between my weight and my self-worth, and I've found the desire to be healthy. I've learned to be patient, to be mindful, to find balance. I'm kinder to myself.

But I'm not done. There six months left in the year, and there are still changes I want to make to be the best version of me I can be.

(Do you hear the swelling inspirational music? I do.)

Follow me behind the cut for a look at my plan for Phase Two of 2012.