Monday, July 15th

I'm over this.

Monday check ins, that method of goal setting? OVER IT. I don't like. We're moving on. I think we're back to Wednesdays, and I'll figure my ish out by then.

I have some things to say, though.

Like golly gee whiz, food and I were friends this past week.

But you know what? Even though I didn't have a great week "diet" wise, and I went into the red with my points (yeah I TRACKED), I didn't binge. I didn't overeat. I just...indulged. And that's pretty swell! I'm actually feeling pretty content, even if I'm up on the scale this week. Which, I am. Oh well.

I'm just kind of existing, right now. And that's okay, you know? I can exist, for now. I'll start trying again.

On Wednesday.

Monday, July 8th

No weigh in today.

Carbs + sodium + work outs + Shark Week = Taylor is no doubt up on the scale and not inclined to write down that number, thanks.

But hey.

I'm back on track today. Consistency is key, one weekend won't screw me over.

Weight: ???
Mood: Could be better. I'm a little down on myself for letting myself slip so much after going off my Whole30, but I really should not have expected myself to be so hardcore and perfect. That was just too optimistic. Of course I was going to indulge. It was bound to happen. All I can do is right myself back onto the good food track, and get back to counting points. My mood is so much better when I feel in control.
Food: See above. Honestly, I wasn't that bad. But I could have been better. And yesterday there was Thai food.
Movement: Three days in a row of yoga! WOOOOOO! Definitely the best week I've had back on the mat. I plan to keep this feeling going.

This week, I tried to...

...keep my focus on yoga, and I did!

...limit my screen time, and I did okay.

...keep myself in check when I go off the Whole30 plan, and no.

This week, I want to...

...push myself more to practice yoga.

...write more.

...track everything I eat no matter what.

Monday, July 1st

It's the 1st.

It's a Monday.

GOD, I LOVE NEW BEGINNINGS. Fresh starts. Brand, spankin' new months and weeks to do with what I will.

You know me. I'm a weirdo.

Anyway.

The curse of the daily weigher is that I was a pound lighter yesterday than I am today, but being that it's my check in day, I have to log the higher weight. Wah. But what can you do? Such is life. And this isn't a race. And I'm still moving in the right direction, I had a great week, and I'm ALMOST FUCKING DONE WITH MY WHOLE30.

WOO!

Weight: 142.6 (- 1.2)
Mood: Fanfuckingtastic! (If we're talking weight/food/health, not boys.) I saw the lowest weight I've seen since I was 18, I've been controlling my emotions and staying positive, and I just feel awesome about what I'm doing for myself.
Food: Great! Backed off on my juices and smoothies, didn't get takeout at all this week, ate lots of hard boiled eggs and ground turkey and sweet potatoes, and it felt awesome.
Movement: Did a little yoga. I'm trying, okay? That's all I can do.

This week, I wanted to...

...go to yoga five times, ha.

...keep my apartment in its current lovely clean state, and no.

...stay positive no matter what the scale says, and yes! Helps that the scale was kind.

This week, I would like to...

...keep my focus on yoga.

...limit my screen time.

...keep myself in check when I go off the Whole30 plan.

Monday, June 24th

Siiiigh.

No, the point of this Whole30 experiment is not weight loss. But weight loss is supposed to happen. It is.

And it did not, this week.

I know I'm doing the right things, but I could be doing some things better. I'm planning to make some changes with my food, and I'll be increasing my activity, and all that combined will certainly affect the scale. But...still. Still. I've been working so hard. I really didn't want to see a gain today, even a small one.

Meh.

Weight: 143.8 (+ 0.6)
Mood: Pretty great until the stupid scale today, which should tell me something. Although, really, it's not affecting me as much as it would have in the past, so that's good. I've stayed really positive this week, it really has started to feel like second nature.
Food: Good! Made a recipe, found some new snacks, have been better about fueling myself properly. I think I need to cut back on fruit and incorporate more veggies, up my protein, and maybe that will help the scale move.
Movement: I haven't fully stuck to my yoga schedule, but I'm doing alright, and I really think I'm going to find my groove again. I just have to keep trying.

This week, I wanted to...

...wholly recommit myself to my yoga practice, and I did that. I could have gone more, but I'm happy with what I did. This week I'll be even more committed. 

...make recipes so I have plenty of options for food at home, and I did make one!

...be happy, and I was.

This week, I would like to...

...go to yoga five times.

...keep my apartment in its current lovely clean state.

...stay positive no matter what the scale says.

Monday, June 17th

Yay.

Yay.

I'll be perfectly honest with you, I've been slightly...irritated is maybe the best word, that I hadn't lost more weight yet. I was sort of expecting that with this dramatic change in my eating I'd get some magic five pound loss. But this was stupid and not to be.

So I'm happy to have lost -1.6 this week, and be the lowest weight I've been since college.

Yay!

Weight: 143.2

Mood: Pretty excellent. Going to Santa Barbara always keeps me uplifted, and overall this week was, for the most part, free of my usual cycles of self-loathing, except for some fears about my yoga training.

Food: Also excellent. Sticking to my Whole30, experimenting with new foods, but I could probably stand to eat more. 

Movement: I made a commitment to try and get some form of movement in every day, and that only lasted about four days. I made it to yoga once, and took some walks. I start my training this week (!!!), so I will definitely, 100% be getting back on track. Yes. YES. YES!

This week, I wanted to...

...move my body every day, and see above.

...keep my living space clear and free of clutter, which I did okay at. My kitchen has been a bit of a disaster zone but my main space is mostly okay.

...be happy, and I was. Mostly.

This week, I would like to...

...wholly recommit myself to my yoga practice.

...make recipes so I have plenty of options for food at home.

...be happy.

Monday, June 10th

You may have noticed that my Friday check ins have disappeared.

Or, you may have not. Probably not. Well, they have.

I was starting to feel off balance having my Weight Watchers week start over at the end of the work week. My little OCD brain couldn't handle it. So, with the start of my Whole30 and the new month of June, I've decided my WW week now begins on Mondays. Isn't that just better? Don't we like that so much more?

We do.

I'm going to change up the way I check in a bit. Each Monday, I'm going to log my weight (unless it will really fuck with my psyche), and give a little recap of my mood, food, and movement for the past week. Then I'll share what I hope to accomplish throughout the next seven days. Not goals. I need to stop with the goals. Just...things I want to do. Things I'd like to do. Things I think will make me happy.

Weight: 144.8
Mood: Struggling a bit, but overall good. Starting the Whole30 has really helped to pull me out of the funk I've found myself in for the last few weeks, but I've still had some hard days. Overall though, I'm doing much better. I'm reading a new book that promises to help with my mental state, so we'll see how this week shapes up.
Food: Great! I'm really sticking to my Whole30 and really have not been tempting to stray. I overindulged a bit in plantains on Saturday night, but really, overeating fruit is not the worst thing I could have done, right?
Movement: Eh. Tried yoga on Saturday, and we know how that went. Other than that, no activity.

This week, I would like to...

...move my body every day.

...keep my living space clear and free of clutter.

...be happy.

WW Recap 5/17-5/23: Floating Along

I tried until maybe Monday this week. Tuesday.

And then I stopped trying.

I floated.

I will try harder this week. I will. Because trying makes me feel good. 

Last week, I wanted to...

...have a great time in Santa Barbara with my Biff and my Buff and stay active, and I did that. 

...use yoga to comfort myself instead of food, and I did not really do that.

...track everything I eat, even if I go into the red, and I did that up until Tuesday, and then...not so much.

...write, which I did, but I did not post.

This week, I would like to...

...go to yoga more.

...track every single bite.

...post more.

...drink less Diet Coke. 

WW Recap 5/10-5/16: Learning Curve

Apparently, I have taken to only logging my weight every other week.

I am fine with this.

As you know, I struggled this week, after getting to my lowest weight last week. Self-sabotage, my old friend. But you know, what's the bright side of this?

Other than my eating, I'm pretty happy with my week. I tried, some. Trying is good. And I'll try more next week.

This week, I wanted to...

...restart my yoga practice, and I did!

...read my yoga book and some fiction, and while I definitely dove into "Journey Into Power", I didn't read any fiction. But who really cares? Not I.

...try to keep my apartment clean, and I definitely did a lot better than last week. 

...spend my weekend time well, and Saturday was great. I went to yoga and went to Studio City. Then Sunday, I did absolutely nothing, thinking I had earned it and it would make me happy, but it really didn't. That was the beginning of my downfall. So I think I learned something---maybe I no longer want to spend entire days of nothingness. Maybe I only love my nothingness now when it's earned...

Next week, I would like to...

...have a great time in Santa Barbara with my Biff and my Buff and stay active.

...use yoga to comfort myself instead of food.

...track everything I eat, even if I go into the red.

...write.

WW Recap 5/3-5/9: Achievement

I told you this on Wednesday, but as of today's weigh-in I am officially at the lowest weight I have seen since my teenage years.

Wanna see? WANNA SEEEEEE!?!?!?!

Goals!

1) Go to yoga. (Friday, then on rest per my tattoo artist.)
2) Keep reading. (Yup!)
3) Eat well. (Yup!)
4) Have fun. (Yup!)
5) Get my tattooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo! (YUP!)

This is when I would usually list my goals for the upcoming week, but I've decided to change up my methods. Clearly, making a bunch of explicit goals isn't really working for me, so I'm going to shift. What's the definition of insanity again? I still like the idea of having specific things that I focus on every week, but that doesn't mean I have to demand anything exact of myself. To quote my Biff yet again, I'm going to switch over to the phrasing "this week I would like to...", because "we don't always get to do what we'd like, that's a fact of life", so there's "no sense of failure there, 'cause [I] didn't 'have to'".

Isn't she smart? 

This week I would like to...

...restart my yoga practice.

...read my yoga book and some fiction. 

...try to keep my apartment clean.

...spend my weekend time well. 

Easy peasy, right? 

WW Recap 4/27- 5/2: Psh.

I could say things.

I have things to say.

I dunno. I could ramble and make words and whine but I'm just tired. And I don't really care.

Also, I don't care to weigh in. 

Goals?

1) Go to yoga, if I can. (Restorative, and I'm definitely going today. I feel much better.)
2) Keep reading. (Really enjoying the book I'm reading.)
3) Deep clean my apartment. (Ehhh.)
4) Make a recipe. (Ehhh.)
5) Stick to my Screen Free Week goals. (Ehhh.)

Goals? Ehhh, it's nonsense.

1) Go to yoga.
2) Keep reading. 
3) Eat well. 
4) Have fun.
5) Get my tattooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!

WW Recap 4/19-4/25: Girl On Fire

Oh yeeeeeeeah.

Couldn't work out? Who cares! Ate a whole box of granola bars last weekend? WHO GIVES A FUCK? I DIDN'T GO IN THE RED.

I lost 2 freaking pounds this week. I AM 145.2!!! I am only 0.3 pounds away from no longer having an overweight BMI. I am only 1.4 pounds away from the lowest weight I've seen since I was 18 years old. 

I'M ON FIRE!

Goals? 

1) Go to yoga five times. (No. Sick. Three.)
2) Go to double yoga. (No. Sick.)
3) Keep reading. (Some.)
4) FINISH WRISTWARMER BUT I DON'T WANT TO. (NO.)
5) Deep clean my apartment, more thoroughly, again. (NO. SICK.)

Goals...

1) Go to yoga, if I can. 
2) Keep reading. 
3) Deep clean my apartment.
4) Make a recipe.
5) Stick to my Screen Free Week goals.

WW Recap 4/12-4/18: Great, Not Great

This week was great, and not great at the same time.

It was not great because I totally went into the red with my points, and just ate what I wanted the past few days. But it turns out that eating what I wanted doesn't mean crazy binging anymore, not quite. I ate like a pretty normal person, almost. Just a normal person who wasn't on a diet. So that was the great. Learning that I can, in fact, eat two pieces of pizza and be full and satisfied and happy, and a few bags of chips, not a billion and a half. Who knew?

I thought I would gain this week with my food choices and my period, but I actually maintained. Which was a totally pleasant surprise, but I won't take it it as permission to continue as I have been.

So we're back on track today, oh yes we are!

Goals!

1) Go to yoga five times. (One measly day, but the first day of my challenge!)
2) Keep reading. (Some!)
3) Finish my other stupid wrist warmer that it's too warm for anyway. (NO. Worked on it though. I WANT TO GIVE UP.)
4) Make a new recipe. (Yes!)
5) Deep clean my apartment. (Yes, ish! Then it devolved.)

And goals?

1) Go to yoga five times.
2) Go to double yoga.
3) Keep reading.
4) FINISH WRISTWARMER BUT I DON'T WANT TO.
5) Deep clean my apartment, more thoroughly, again.

WW Recap 4/5-4/11: Delayed Effort

The efforts of the last few weeks showed up majorly on the scale this week, because I did not really earn my 2 pound loss. I ate every single point I was given, and had three bowls of cereal last night. I don't consider it a binge, but it was indulgent, finishing up my points cause I could.

But still...STILL. WE ARE HAPPY. We step on the scale and we GIGGLE. We like the number. AND WE GET A REWARD.

We being me and Tree.

Gooooooals.

1) Go to yoga five times. (Um. Two. I had a lazy week.)
2) Keep reading. (Some.)
3) Knit my other wrist warmer. (Worked on it a bit...)
4) Get real groceries not frozen food. (You betcha...I mean, they were pathetic groceries, but still. I had cereal every night this week. One bowl until last night...)
5) Finish a particular post I've been working on for awhile. (Yup!)

Gooooooals?

1) Go to yoga five times.
2) Keep reading. 
3) Finish my other stupid wrist warmer that it's too warm for anyway.
4) Make a new recipe.
5) Deep clean my apartment.

WW Recap 3/29-4/4: Hells to the YEAH

Awwwww yeeeeeeeeeeah.

I was worried this week, not gonna lie.

I'm back to hopping on the scale multiple times a day (I KNOW I KNOW I KNOW), and despite the fact that I feel different, and look different, and my jeans are loose and people are noticing (my new friend at work stopped me and mouthed "You are so skinny OMG!"), the number was still in the 150s and I was irritated even though I shouldn't have cared because WHO CARES WHEN I FEEL AWESOME and I'm happy but still I care I CARE and that stupid number was mocking meeeeeeee and yesterday I was still above 150.0.

BREATHE.

HELLO 149.2!

I really just wanted to get back here. I feel safe in this decade, mentally. The 140s are so nice and normal in my screwed up little brain.

Yays.

Old goals?

1) Go to yoga four times. (Maybe five.) (Four days, five classes. Two on Friday, Mesa Hot on Saturday, walk on Sunday, Monday with college roomie, Thursday lunch.)
2) Keep reading. (This is just like...a perma goal.) (Still reading Gone Girl!)
3) Knit my other wrist warmer. (NO. Heh.)
4) Don't get any take out. (This does not include dining out with friends, that is allowed.) (Success! Ate out twice with peoples, but ate from my fridge and work the rest of the week.)
5) Get my blog draft folder under 25. (LESS THAN TWENTY.)

And new goals?

1) Go to yoga five times.
2) Keep reading.
3) Knit my other wrist warmer.
4) Get real groceries not frozen food.
5) Finish a particular post I've been working on for awhile.

WW Recap 3/22-3/28: Half Win

I confess to being a cocky little narcissist this week.

I felt so good, and I really did think I looked so different, all in the facial region. And my ass. I'd get out of the shower and be all...

And I was like , "Daaamn, girl, you're totes gonna lose, like, SIX POUNDS THIS WEEK. Fosho."

Greedy bitch.

But I did lose 1.4 pounds, hitting my next goal right on the nose and earning my new yoga towel (which I ordered early, on Wednesday, so cocky was I). So yay!

Goooals?

1) Go to yoga four times. (Three. A bowl of soup, two hot hot classes. Was going to go to restorative last night with my fave teacher, but there was a sub, so I practiced at home. I don't feel bad about it. Also, two walks! And I already went to 6AM yoga today. So really, I have NO REGRETS.)
2) Read another book. (Half. In the middle of Gone Girl, it's good!)
3) Knit something. (Half of something. Look!)

4) Eat my activity points the day I earn them. (Yes! Also some weekly points, though, but I guess my goal didn't say I couldn't, so...)
5) Leave the office for lunch every day. (Yes! Home, home, DMV, grocery store, Target!)

Goooals!

1) Go to yoga four times. (Maybe five.)
2) Keep reading. (This is just like...a perma goal.)
3) Knit my other wrist warmer.
4) Don't get any take out. (This does not include dining out with friends, that is allowed.)
5) Get my blog draft folder under 25.

WW Recap 3/15-3/21: Spring Attitude

This week was a happy little spring bloom. I shook off the slight gloom of last week, and everything was  bright and shiny and wonderful...if you ignore the fact, you know, spring brought me an allergy explosion that necessitated four boxes of tissues in four days.

I am actually really glad that last week happened. I am glad that I fell off the wagon a bit, had some bingey days, sooner rather than later. I'm glad that I got my shit together before I went completely nuts, and I didn't go completely off the rails, I just...had a bad spell. And I got over it. I'm human, it happens, I dealt with it. I learned that I can get back on the horse. I won't always be perfect. It was a good lesson.

Progress. Knowledge. Growth. Woo.

Weight was good this week. A couple ounces up from where it was last time I logged it, but who really gives a fuck? Not this girl.

Goals from last week?

1) Go to yoga three times. (Nope, oh well! Favorite Friday class, gross allergy sickness all week.)
2) Read another book. (Some?)
3) Knit something. (Nooooo! I have a project in progress! On my bookcase! I just...forget! Because I cannot multitask and knit! And I love to multitask!)
4) Stay 100% OP. (Yes!)
5) Track everything. (Yes!)

Goals for this week?

1) Go to yoga four times.
2) Read another book.
3) Knit something.
4) Eat my activity points the day I earn them.
5) Leave the office for lunch every day.

10KCAL Final Check In: SUCCESS!

I AM A CHAMPION.

I AM A MOTHERFUCKING WINNER.

10,000 CALORIES OF SWEAT IS VERY SMELLY.

Tomorrow I'm going shopping for PRETTY NEW MAKEUP TO MAKE ME PRETTY.

Previous Total: 8,723

3/12     510 calories    Hot Yoga Level 2

3/14     921 calories    Hot Yoga Level 2/Hot Power Fusion

Current Total: 10,154
Calories Remaining: 0
Days Remaining: 0

WW Recap 3/8-3/14: Birthday Food Hangover

Eh, weight loss schmeight loss.

I decided on Tuesday not to weigh in this week, after I got a little bingey in the afternoon after yoga and a lot bingey into the evening. Poutpoutpout. AND MY STREAK OF AWESOME WAS OVER. I don't know what was going on in my brain, I'm trying to figure it out and am getting nowhere. Clearly the flexibility I gave myself in Vegas opened up a door that let self-doubt and defeat and old habits of crazy creep in, and I spiraled a bit. A lot. I knew exactly what was going on, I told myself all the right things and was gentle with myself, but I couldn't stop it. Didn't want to, clearly. I was so sure I'd right myself on Wednesday, and I didn't. And my birthday was better, but still not great. I didn't go back to McDonald's or anything, I wasn't completely abusive to my body or my soul. But still.

This be me.

Like, on Tuesday, after my usual breakfast I ate:

(at work)

*A Lean Cuisine

*Multiple bags of Cheetos and other chips

*A bag of Nilla wafers

*A handful of Starbursts

(at home)

*Three quesadillas with cheddar and goat cheese and guacamole

*Cinnamon graham crackers with half a tub of fat free cream cheese mixed with powdered sugar (why? because that's why you do when you binge, eat weird ass shit.)

I mean, compared to what I used to eat, not so bad. But come on now, so unnecessary.

Wednesday there were irresistible free desserts for Wednesday lunch, more Cheetos, and at night was high-sodium birthday sushi, and Thursday was sort of okay, cookies and crunchy things and seaweed snacks and salad with too much cheese, pretty restrained, relatively speaking for a birthday. I didn't even have any birthday cake. It's highly unlikely I would have seen a loss this week and I really, really didn't want to see a gain. For my mental health.

So my scale is in my trunk. Metaphorically, not literally, 'cause I actually have had no desire to peek. We'll see what it has to say for itself next week. Hey look, I'm a poet. AND I KNOW IT.

Oh, and by the way, I'm thinking my aversion to strenuous exercise yesterday could also have had something to do with my poor eating. Proper fuel is important. NOTE TO SELF.

Goals?

1) Have the best fucking time in Vegas and on your birthday, and eat delicious things, but don't go fucking insane like you're never going to eat again. Just indulge like a normal person. (You betcha! I mean, sort of. I did great in Vegas, but I did go into bingey mode.)
2) Go to yoga three times. (Well, twice, but double yoga yesterday. So yes?)
3) Read a fucking book, seriously, what is wrong with you, YOU LIKE READING. (Yes, FINALLY.)
4) Practice yoga at home. (Did some vinyasas Friday night in Vegas with the Strip sparkling in front of me. It was a nice way to stretch after the drive. My body asked, I gave.)
5) Knit something. (Nope.)

And goals.

1) Go to yoga three times. (Once again, I'll be gone for the weekend so probably can't get there more than that.)
2) Read another book. (Reading is good for me.)
3) Knit something.
4) Stay 100% OP.
5) Track everything.

10KCAL Challenge Check In #3

WOO.

CALORIE BURN.

ROCKING THIS SHIT.

When I get my new makeup I'm going to have a lot of fun experimenting and trying fun looks from tutorials on YouTube and fancy shit like a pretty real girl, and then I'm going to go to yoga and sweat it all off. Yeah.

Also, I'm gonna buy a boyfriend.

Previous Total: 6,088

3/1     450 calories    Hot Yoga Level 2

3/2     880 calories    Hot Yoga Level 2/Hot Power Fusion
3/5     410 calories    Hot Yoga Level 2

3/6     474 calories    Hot Power Fusion
3/7     421 calories    Hot Power Fusion

Current Total: 8,723
Calories Remaining: 1,277
Days Remaining: 5 

WW Recap 3/1-3/7: Well, then.

On Wednesday, I was kind of worried, I'll be honest with you. I hadn't lost any weight, I was actually up a few ounces, and I was all ready to talk myself down from the ledge.

"It's okay that you didn't lose this week. You had a huge loss last week, and you did so awesome this week with your yoga and your eating so who cares what the scale says? IRRELEPHANT!"

But I ended up losing 1.2 pounds.

Well, then!

Goals!

1) Go to yoga five times. (Fuck. Yeah. My. Bitches. Plus. Double. Yoga.)
2) Make a recipe. (Yup, dinner for my parents.)
3) Read a book. (Half of one?)
4) Schedule blog posts for while I'm in Vegas so I'm technically posting every day till my bday. (Chya. They're very exciting.)
5) Don't weigh myself every day. (Heh, every single freaking day, actually, without fail. I did so much better last week when I wasn't actively trying to resist. What is wrong with my brain?)

Goals?

1) Have the best fucking time in Vegas and on your birthday, and eat delicious things, but don't go fucking insane like you're never going to eat again. Just indulge like a normal person.
2) Go to yoga three times.
3) Read a fucking book, seriously, what is wrong with you, YOU LIKE READING.
4) Practice yoga at home.
5) Knit something.