DONE

Well, that didn't last long. The whole staying clean thing?

I just mated with some Cheetos.

I should have known I would. I mean, the craving for them last few days has been strong. And today I'm FREE. And they were sitting in the work kitchen, whispering to me, calling my name, begging to be eaten...I'm just not that powerful.

And I mean, I need to test something today, don't I? Might as well be gluteny, corny Cheetos.

And I can eat WHATEVER I WANT. Right?!

I suck.

Wait. NO I DON'T. I was hardcore for 30 days, today is not a day to beat myself up. Why torture myself for doing something I'm completely allowed to do? Okay. I ate some crap. But that's it. No more.

Just Cheetos.

I'm done.

DONE.

The Whole Wrap Up

It's my last night of my own special version of the Whole30. I didn't follow the rules exactly as written, I wouldn't say I was 100% without failure (damn, sugar is sneaky), but I am inclined to say I am a motherfucking WINNER.

Do I feel like Superwoman? No. Did I lose a magical 15 pounds? Niet. Am I a convert to the cult of Paleo? Nope.

But am I really glad I did it? Yes sir, yes ma'am, I am certainly glad.

I rediscovered how to eat well, and more than that, I learned how to eat clean. I learned how to fuel myself with the basics, how to cook with pure, whole ingredients, how to subsist on nothing but what's necessary. I really do want to continue down this path---while reincorporating the things I cut out, of course. I do not wish to live without cheese. I cannot exist without sushi. And gluten and I don't need to break up, I don't think.

We shall see.

I'm going to experiment over the next few days. See what works for me. I'm not going to go hog wild, stuffing my face with cakes and cookies, not even on the 4th of July. I really am going to try to continue down this healthy eating road that I'm on, with just a little more flexibility for the things that delight my tastebuds.

I'm liking this.

Thanks, Daddy. For the impetus, the incentive, the push. And thanks, Whole30.

The Whole Home Stretch

Four. More. Days.

FOUR. MORE. DAYS.

Then...

I mean, really, I'm joyful, but I'm not actually aching for the end of my Whole30, dreaming of garlic bread and ice cream. I'm fine! And I'm pretty proud of myself for sticking with it and having it be so...almost easy. I really can have willpower when I want to.

Things I've Learned During My Whole30

*I like eating clean. Imagine that.

*I can make myself cook and prep and try, when I have to.

*It feels great to refocus on eating right.

*It's expensive to eat healthy.

*I can eat intuitively, not count points or calories or ounces or grams, and nourish myself, and not binge.

Things I Think I Learned During My Whole30

(But Will Confirm Next Week When I Reintroduce Things)

*My body needs the fuel of grains, or dairy, or both. I just don't really feel totally right. 

So, yes. FOUR. MORE. DAYS. 

And soon...

SUSHI!

The Whole Update

I've had a few people say to me this week how hard they think it would be to do what it is I'm doing. And yes, I would have agreed with them a few weeks ago, but once I made the commitment to stick to this plan, it truly hasn't been that much of a struggle for me. I haven't been tempted. I haven't caved.

All the greens for me.

Today is Day 15 of my Whole30. I'm halfway through, and it's been...if not easy, at least painless.

Amazing what the lure of a shiny new computer will do.

Oh, and I guess the pull of potential health benefits too...

Sure. 

I'm feeling good. Nothing magical is really happening in my body, I would say, but I've been sleeping very well, walking up early before my alarm feeling well rested and alert. I haven't really been having cravings, though the smell of other people's lunches at work does seem ever so delicious.

But I will eat my fruit, and be happy about it. Mmhmm.

I'm really glad I committed to doing this Whole30 experiment. Not just for my shiny MacBook reward, but for the chance to show myself I can be strong and do something different, eat clean, be well.

Let's see what the next 15 bring. 

Let's Get Educated

On this gloooooorious Tuesday, I bring you some valuable pieces of information on healthy living.

Or...you know...something like that.

Things I Learned At The Grocery Store Today + A RECIPE!

Deep thoughts from Taylorville.

1. Everything has soy. 
2. And if doesn't have soy, it has sugar. A craving for breakfast sausage could not be sated by anything at Ralph's. Merde.
3. It's expensive to eat healthy.
4. But I already knew that, today just reaffirmed it.
5. And in order to eat Whole30 you have to like...make everything.

So, I made lunch! A late lunch, but lunch. I used this recipe as inspiration and a starting point, but veered off slightly from the ingredients and instructions. I KNOW RIGHT?! I'm like...brave.

And it was delicious.

Here's my very first recipe for you all. If you try it, let me know what you think!

Turkey and Spinach Stuffed Sweet Potatoes

Ingredients

*4 sweet potatoes or yams
*1 pound ground turkey (I used Jennie-0 93% Lean)

*Bag of baby spinach

*2 tablespoons coconut oil

*1 cup red onion

*2 cloves garlic

*1 teaspoons onion powder

*1 teaspoons garlic powder

*Trader Joe's smoked sea salt

*salt and pepper to taste

Instructions

1. Heat up your coconut oil on the stove on medium high heat.
2. Add the garlic and onions to the pan.
3. When the onions start to smell delicious, add the turkey and break it up with a wooden spoon.
4. Microwave your sweet potato according to these instructions. (Or do it in the oven according to these, if you have foil and time, which I didn't.)
5. Once the turkey starts to crumble and cook, add the onion powder, garlic powder and a generous amount of smoked sea salt.
6. When the meat is close to finished cooking, add the spinach, I did half the bag at a time.
7. Take the sweet potato out of the microwave, cut it open and mash up the insides, add meat, et voila!

Day 4/30: Fuel For My Fire

Today is shaping up to be a fantastic day, food-wise. I was worried when I woke up this morning that cravings would get to me today, as last night I dreamt of dessert, but I am heading them off!

First: Goal #1? Check. I woke up early enough this morning to make a crock pot meal! CHECK ME OUT!

I put together this creamy chicken tomato soup, made with coconut milk. Who would have thought? I'm so very excited to try it. It takes nine hours to cook, so it will be ready to eat tonight right when I get home from work. I hope it's tasty!

After I made dinner in the morning, I went to Jamba Juice and got me a fruits and veggies smoothie. I heart smoothies. My cup was super inspirational.

For lunch I have leftovers from yesterday's Work Wednesday Lunch, healthy salad and deli meat from Bay Cities Deli. Omnomnom.

I am on FIRE today!

The Whole Deal

Okay, so truth time.

I'm not really doing The Whole 30, like...strictly.

First of all, the challenge my dad set forth allows me to drink booze. 'Cause we be a family of boozehounds. So there's that.

Plus, I mean, check this out. That's the meal planning template for the program, and it's like...complicated. I mean, I guess not really, but...I'm not doing that for every meal. Sorry I'm not sorry.

And, the two juices I bought for days 1 & 2, turns out, not so compliant---The Whole 30 prefers you chew your food, imagine that, so...no juices or smoothies, generally. But...I like smoothies.

So here's the thing. I'll be following the basic principles: no wheat, dairy, gluten, sugar, soy, potatoes. I will be eating clean and crisply. But...my own way. Not strictly according to their formulas and guidelines. They're HARDCORE, and I'm not. It's just too cray, and I'm guaranteed to fail if I try to do it their way.

And we don't want me to fail, now do we?

No.

So if I want a smoothie, I'll have a smoothie. If I want to make a "Paleo pizza", I will, even if they consider that "junk food". My focus is just to eat well for this 30 days, and I think that's just darn good enough. 

Day 1/30: The Basics

My first day of The Whole 30 went pretty well! I wasn't prepared for the day (and by that I mean, my fridge was not prepared) but I did my best and ate pretty simply, and now I'm all set up for the rest of the week.

This morning I stopped at Ralph's on my way to work and got some stuff for the office as well as a a fresh juice for myself and a few other things. That was my breakfast, along with a banana.

My mid-morning snack was some smoked salmon and cucumber slices. A very tasty combo!

I headed to Trader Joe's at lunch and got the makings for some basic easy meals, and a crockpot soup I'm going to make tomorrow morning.

I had a little lunch at home, some roasted deli chicken, olives and a hard-boiled egg.

Later in the afternoon I had round two of salmon and cucumber, with some nuts for healthy fats!

For dinner, I had a TJ's frozen shrimp stirfry sauteed in coconut oil. SO delicious!

I feel satisfied and pleased with how my day went. Tomorrow I'll try for more variety and bulk in my food, but today was good. Go. Me. 

The Whole Goal

So, this "Whole 30" thing. It's kinda weird, I know. I'll admit has the potential to go very, very badly, what with my history of crazy, tendency to rebel against enforced constraints, and just the general idea of you know, bribery.

But despite all that...I'm really excited about it, and very, very optimistic that I can do this. With all the things I've done in my life that are really, truly hard? I don't think this will be one of them. Hell, I did a 21 day cleanse and had shakes and soups for 2 meals a day, I think I can handle this.

I'll just miss my cheese.

I really do think this challenge will be incredibly good for me in a number of ways. It will give me a new thing to focus and fixate on, it will recharge the batteries in my healthy eating machinery, it will get me motivated again. I'm feeling so energized as I think about the month ahead, and I know if I stick with it I'll feel an amazing sense of accomplishment when I'm through.

My goals for the 30 days are:

1) To experiment with cooking, broaden my food horizons and spend more time in the kitchen.
2) To try a new way of eating and discover if I have any sensitivities I didn't know about.
3) Commit to going to yoga 20 times.

Simple, yeah?

Let's do this.

The Whole Crazy

My father is a nut.

A loveable nut, but a nut just the same.

For the last, oh, four or five months or so, he's been quite fixated on his new way of eating, The Whole 9, which is in essence, Paleo minus the stupid fucking "caveman" schtick. No wheat, no dairy, no gluten, no sugar. No legumes, no potatoes. No soy. No joy.

Daddy-O claims this way of eating gives him tons of energy, helped him lose weight, and eradicated most of his cravings for the "bad" things. He's quite the evangelist.

He's been on me to try it too, but I respond with a) I don't like to eat by cutting out entire food groups, 'cause I live by moderation and restricting something is the best way to guarantee I'll eat nothing but that specific thing, b) I'm 25 and I don't really need more energy, and c) I like cheese.

So last night, I started talking about how with my raise, I really really really want a MacBook.

And then my dad bribed me.

He asked how much money he would have to pay me to get me to try The Whole 30, which is (obviously) following the program for a full 30 days. He really things that it will be great for me and my health, and apparently thinks bribery is the way to get me to do it.

He knows me well.

I said, "Buy me my Mac."

Done.

Buying my new laptop today, starting the program tomorrow.

Hello, Paleo!

 

Pizza Pitfalls

Just when you think you've got your shit locked down, you have a plan, you have momentum, YOU WILL SUCCEED THIS WEEK...plans change, and you're faced with three days of ordering lunch for the office, and you're shoving pizza in your face on a Monday morn.

But you know what? I tracked it! I tracked the damn pizza.

Now I just have to try not to keep eating.

Mmmmmmhmm.

S-S-Sabotage

Confession:

My eating has been eh the last few days.

And I haven't gone to yoga.

I could blame PMS, and I'm sure that's a factor, but really it's just an excuse. If I really truly wanted to stay strong, my hormones wouldn't knock me down. Clearly I wanted to engage in a little self-sabotage again this week, otherwise I wouldn't have.

One week on, on week off.

Two steps forward, one step back.

Achieve success, fuck it up.

Harrumph.

I haven't been that bad. It's just so frustrating when I feel like I lose control, find myself eating things that don't even taste good, things I know won't nourish me or make me feel healthy or vibrant. I chew and crunch and digest and I don't like it, I don't want it, but I do it anyway like I'm on some sort of autopilot.

It distresses me.

At some point I just give up, give in, give out. At some point I just let go. I don't know how to stop that cycle except brute force, which as we've learned with me, is pretty ineffective. I can't just yell at myself, "STOP, NO!", because as I do, I'm walking to the kitchen and I find myself with a cookie in hand.

Mmm. Cookie.

Sunday night, I ate all my weekly points. I spent the whole day alone, doing nothing, bailed on yoga, only left the house once. My favorite kind of day. But, by five or six, I started to feel unsettled, and lonely, and unfulfilled. And I knew what was happening, and I identified the feelings, and I knew the sudden onset of hunger I felt was not true hunger but just the need to fill some hole inside me.

But then I filled it anyway.

So, hey, I guess identifying what I was doing is half the battle, right? Even if I still did it? Being conscious of my negative habits is better than being a completely slave to them, at least.

And then, of course, I wake up Monday, and I feel a bit defeated, and then it just gets so hard. And I gave in.

So, what did I learn, then? Maybe I'm no longer fulfilled by days spent doing nothing? Maybe a day alone, with no human contact, will allow an emptiness to grow inside me?

Food for thought.

But not real food though. Please.

Weighty Matters and Foodie Thoughts

I'm such an early bird this week! Tree and I have been snuggled up in bed since before seven chatting with a Weight Watchers friend, and we have rambly thoughts to share.

Look, here's the thing: I am a scale addict.

I have tried not to be, and I do believe deep down in my soul that you and I are more than the number, but still, I compulsively step on my little plastic Taylor scale multiple times a day, and you know what? With all the other issues I have and the demons I'm fighting and the mountains I'm climbing, this one is kind of far down on the list. I'm okay with being a scale addict.

What prompted this realization was that being up early means I weighed myself around 6:30, but didn't log the weight officially, it being Friday and all. Because I know, from years of experience, that I will lose a full pound at least within the next hour or so.

The human body is a hilarious thing.

Anyway, as I was talking with my WW Lady and sharing my stories of scale addiction, she pointed out another mountain that is just too daunting to deal with: the whole "clean eating" thing. And she's so right. Yes, I know it's a good idea to cut out all the processed crap and eat mostly from God's green Earth and so on, but isn't it enough that I eat well right now? Do I have to eat perfectly?

There are just entirely too many battles to fight all at once. So many balls to juggle. I cannot juggle all the balls.

I ain't no porn star.

Anyway, these are my musings of the morning, as I rationalize my consumption of totally processed frozen meals four days a week. Because they are easy and delicious.

Like me.

And I'm done.

Jamba With Me

I thought about yoga this morning, but I was a bit wrecked after my return last night, and I would have had to cram it in before heading to the Valley for MY TATTOO, and it just didn't make sense.

SO when I woke up, and decided no bendy, I needed food. And my kitchen is sorely lacking in that department. Of all things, my body decided it really wanted a smoothie, something I probably haven't had since last summer. Must be the 90 degree weather we were graced with yesterday. (Do you hear my sarcasm? If you've been reading my blog long enough, you can read the dripping sarcasm.)

I thought to myself, "Yes, I'll drive for a smoothie."

And then I thought, "Are you freaking kidding me, dude? Jamba is seriously less than a mile away."

Yes, it's a dangerous quest, involving going under the freeway, trekking through the land of many, many flirtatious bums, but dammit, I WANTED A SMOOTHIE.

So I went on a morning stroll.

No yoga, but an AP for me.

Happy Saturday!

Tasty Treats

Yesterday my coworker and I took a break from the office and went for frozen yogurt at The Bigg Chill.

We both got graham cracker crust fat-free yogurt with strawberries, and it was amazing.

I have no other point to this post. Just dessert porn, to make you jealous.

Oh, but it was a NSV, to be sure. When my coworker suggested it, my brain wanted to fight with itself immediately over whether I should, but I instantly shut that shit down. I wanted to indulge and that's all that matters.

Also, I didn't finish mine.

Wins all around.

The Cereal Experiment

The Biff and I had a convo last week about my trigger foods, and how I can't keep anything in my house that's snackable and non-portion controlled. Big bags of chips, ice cream, things like that.

But I've been doing a lot better lately, haven't I? Tackling my issues, suppressing my bingey tendencies. Eating reasonable portions. Last week, I went to bed with the remainder of a pint of sorbet, then ended up getting out of bed and putting it back without finishing it. That has never happened in the history of time. A non-scale victory for sure.

This week, I got to thinking a lot about cereal.

I love cereal. But when I buy it, I eat the whole. Damn. BOX. Maybe not in one day, but in two, definitely. Excessively large bowls, two bowls at a time, gorgegorgegorge until it's gone.

But cereal is so tasty! And such a nice light post-yoga meal. And so comforting.

And I want to experiment with having cereal in my house.

Let's see how this goes.

Next time, I'll get healthier stuff.

Furry Fluffy Links

17 photos that make you appreciate America

My country tiiiis of theeeeee... My fave is the hawk.

Reasons My Son Is Crying

This is everywhere the last two days, for good reason. Oh so amused.

 I wouldn't let him drown in this pond.

Life In Your Early Twenties Vs. Your Late Twenties

Also everywhere. Hilarious. I guess I am late twenties now, emotionally. Fuck.

The Paleo Diet Is a Paleo Fantasy

Pretty interesting. I have no problem with the Paleo diet as a concept, you do whatever works for you and I'm not going to judge your food choices, I just have an issue with the whole "EAT LIKE THE CAVEMEN" concept. It's dumb.

Healthy Eating on Just $300 a Day

Oh Gwyneth. Never change. You're so goddamn obnoxious.

A Tuesday

1. Morning snuggles, always.
2. Hollywood dinner outfit for a night out with the parents, but yoga hair for a lunchtime class.
3. Real food for work this week...plus a frozen meal 'cause I can't help myself.