Sexual Harassment GirlTalk Texts

Me: We have a temp employee at work that's so blistering hot it should be illegal. I get to run errands with him today and I'm oh so excited. He is a FINE specimen.
Her: Dude, you should "accidentally" grab his ass.
Me: I have thought about it. He is tall and manly. I want to hit it like the fist of an angry god.
Her: Hard and with little concern for morality?
Me: Precisely.

Morning NSV

I hit the grocery store on the way to work today to a) stock the office kitchen and b) buy some healthy options for myself so I have no excuse for eating crap this week.

As I rounded the back corner of Ralph's, having just filled my cart with delicious Chobani yogurts and bananas, I was greeted with the worst possible display.

IT'S CADBURY CREME EGG SEASON.

I fucking love Cadbury Creme eggs. They are my crack. They are fake and processed and dyed and vaguely sperm-like in consistency and I don't care because they're fucking delicious. I vividly remember having one melt in the pocket of my sweatshirt when I was in middle school, and I was more upset about losing the egg than ruining the sweatshirt. 

Priorities.

One day, oh one day, I will make these and all will be right with the world and I will eat the whole pan and gain 17 pounds in one go and I will. Not. Care. 

BUT.

I DID NOT BUY ANY.

Even though they were buy one get one free.

And I love them. 

I stayed strong.

WIN. 

*Please to be to remember that NSV is non-scale-victory, yes? Yes.

Sausage and Pumpkin Pasta

I have raved on this blog before about the culinary delights on Emily Bites. Basically, anything you attempt to make from her site will be an amazing joy explosion in your mouth, and she is a beautiful, kind-hearted creature whose brain I would not mind stealing. Or borrowing. Permanently.

Anywho.

Now that fall is finally upon us, it's time to start eating everything and anything pumpkin flavored. Last night I whipped a batch of her sausage and pumpkin pasta, which has been touted as one of her very best concoctions.

I do declare, it was pretty damn tasty.

Only took one terrible picture before it all went IN MY MOUTH.

I did expect it to taste more pumpkiny, but it was definitely delicious and flavorful. Also VERY filling. I used the recommended brand of turkey sausage and it was super tasty...and by the way, removing sausage from a casing feels a bit like playing with a condom. Or a flaccid penis. Not that I've ever done that...

And now you're ravenous, aren't you?