A Quirk

A couple of weeks ago, I pinpointed a quirk that I knew was hindering my progress. For whatever reason, I couldn't mentally reset until my official Weight Watchers week was over. Silly, but it was what it was, I accepted it instead of fighting it, and because of that I easily got back to my positive habits. Miraculous. So much easier.

I think I have another little quirk worked out.

I went to yoga on Friday, and yesterday. I was all set to go today, but my brain was already thinking ahead to tomorrow, and the rest of the week, and I was caught up in the idea of going every single day. And you know how I get when there's pressure...

So I thought to myself, what's a good way to stop this cycle I'm always putting myself in? How can I prevent myself from creating all this false pressure to do something I love to do anyway? With that anxiety, as we all know, comes the "should", and then I might just not.

Hmm. Maybe...I only go two days in a row at a time, for now?

It's a silly little thing, but I think it might work. Having an external limitation like that  (or maybe the better word is structure) is a way of keeping a lid on that anxiety, and then I have room to get excited about yoga, and miss it. Not going today allows me to go to bed tonight anxious in a good way, happy to wake up for my one of my favorite teacher's 6 AM class tomorrow, and not feel like there's any requirement hanging over my head, inflicted by, well, me.

I'm so weird.

But hey, at least I'm learning something about myself, and actively working to heal it and move past it. That's progress, right?

I want to quote a little Baron Baptiste from "Journey Into Power" of course, from the section where he's discussing some of the common mental mistakes people make in their yoga practice. In the part where he discusses people not understanding their resistance, he says: 

"Resistance can be a great teacher. It exposes your state of mind and being---your fears, attachments, and limiting beliefs. Then it's up to you to choose whether to continue protecting your existing patterns or expose them to the light."

Quote Of The Freaking Day

Baron, man. You've done it again.

I keep re-reading the first chunk of "Journey Into Power", as it is packed dense with so much wisdom and so much truth that is too appropriate to where I am in my life right now to be dealt with in one reading. I keep highlighting sentences and passages and I swear, the whole book is going to end up pink and yellow and blue before the weekend is out.

The first main section is Rewiring Your Mind, and in the beginning Baptiste goes through eight principles that help yogis step up to their edge, which "is where we come right up against ourselves and what we can do and be".

The one that's was just killing me last was Principle 3: Growth Is The Most Important Thing There Is, because of this paragraph:

"The funny thing about growth is the paradox contained within it. It begins not with momentum, or even willingness. It begins with acceptance. You can only grow beyond where you are if you accept where you are in the first place. You can only begin to stretch your limits if you can see and embrace them. It isn't willpower or anger at your limitations that stretches them. It's acceptance. You can never actually grow past your edge if you can't see it clearly and willingly."

Um, yeah.

Deep and True Changes

I went home at lunch and read.

I know, right? I don't make any goals, then I go and do something productive. Go me.

I'm really enjoying my yoga book, even though I'm barely into it. It's just...a good read. It's not written on some spiritual, esoteric plane I can't access, and I feel like at some points the author is speaking directly to me.

Which, you know, the best self-help is like that. Heh.

I came across a section today that just grabbed me so hard, I had to reread it at least three times.

Let's recap.

"The reason it is so difficult for us to change is that we focus too much on the microcosmic steps, or the "program", and not enough on changing the perspective that landed us where we are in the first place. Deep and true changes come from the inside out, not the other way around.  

We can try all different kinds of techniques to transform ourselves, but unless we address the underlying structure, we are just moving the pieces around. We haven't made any lasting changes just by saying affirmations, or going on a diet, or superficially altering our habits. We've addressed the symptoms without going to the root. 

Affirmations change the thoughts but not the thinker. Diets change the eating patterns but not the eater. Willpower holds the negative actions in check for a little while but does not ultimately change the doer. If you only change what you do, all you get are temporary alterations to your actions. Shift your inner viewpoint, though, and your world transforms."

WHAT HAVE I BEEN TALKING ABOUT ALL WEEK?

I've been talking about trying to inflict artificial and arbitrary changes on myself in attempt to become this new person. I've been talking about trying to force myself to change from the outside in. I've been talking about shoving myself into little boxes, compartmentalizing, fragmenting, trying to be something I'm not by parceling out my personality and attempting to put the pieces of it back together.

Geeze, Baron. Get right to a girl's core, why dontcha?

And this, too:

"The physical aspect of power yoga will transform your body---of that there is no doubt. And who doesn't want a more powerful and peaceful body? The real question is do you just want a more powerful and peaceful body, or do you want a more powerful and peaceful life?"

We all know what I want. I know where to find it.

I can't wait to get to the yoga studio.

Journey Into My Power

Weeks and weeks and WEEKS ago, I bought the recommended book for my yoga teacher training program, "Journey Into Power: How To Sculpt Your Ideal Body, Free Your True Self, and Transform Your Life with Yoga" by Baron Baptiste. Pretty lofty promises, eh?

I could have paid full price and used my two day Amazon Prime shipping, but I was attempting to be fiscally responsible, so I bought a used copy. And then it took a century to get here, so really, the lesson I learned was NEVER BUY ANYTHING CHEAP.

Yup.

But it finally arrived, and I am so happy, because now I can start my preparations for class! I read the preface today at lunch, and I just know the book is going to speak to me right on my level.

Choice quotes:

"Sharing what you know makes it more real, more a living part of you." 

"I saw that if i stopped smothering my spirit and soul with external knowledge goals, I would actually start feeling, and ultimately healing." 

"...we don't have to take dogma so seriously. When we start too take it too seriously, outer mastery becomes the goal, and we are then chasing the illusion once again." 

"If we tune out the inner voice of wisdom in favor of what someone else is telling us, how can we ever really be in our own power?" 

"The only person who can open the door to inner truths and lead you to the light is yourself."