*peek*

I KNOW I KNOW I KNOW. I'm the WORST.

As the Biff said, how can she stalk me when I never post?! Only ten posts in October? Pathetic.

Fail.

I just haven't felt any creativity lately. Which is silly, because half this blog isn't creative at all, it's just nonsense. And I should be able to do nonsense. I am nonsensical.

So you know...hi! What's up? How's life? Any stories?

I have stories.

Let's break it down.

Job

I LOVE MY NEW JOB! I was so, so scared before starting, afraid I was jumping in to something I wasn't ready for, afraid I wasn't smart enough, afraid I'd fail, just afraid. But apparently I'm pretty awesome at it, because they set me free to work on my own by the end of the week. Weeeeeee! Everyone is super nice, the offices are lovely, and I actually feel useful. It's amazing how fast the day flies when a) you're constantly busy and b) you're done at 4pm. It's like magic. So yeah, super stoked on the new gig. Go. Me.

Boys

Well, things are not as fabulous in my love life as they are in my work life, but we can't have it all, right? RIGHT?! (Please be to not comment if everything in your life is awesome, yes? Yes.) I had lunch with Vegas last weekend, and it was lovely, but I don't really get the vibe that he's all that interested in like...dating. He's a busy Phd student, it's fine, I still love the fact that we actually hung out after we met that one crazy night, and I'd see him again if he asked. But I'm not holding my breath. As for Nicknameless, I don't think I have to work very hard on giving him a nickname, 'cause I just have this inkling that he's over it. I have barely heard from him this week, and my last invitation to hang was brushed aside with a "oh, very busy, maybe later" text. I'm a little sad, but what can you do? If he doesn't see that I'm FUCKING AWESOME, then I don't need him in my life.

Health

Well, I've been going to yoga! I could complain that I should be going more, but something is...something, right? I really do feel so much better when I have a consistent practice going. As for my diet...not so much. I mean, I'm not totally in binge mode. So that's good. But I'm making poor choices, and going with whatever's easiest, and I'm feeling rather....grotesque. When I'm at yoga, it's hard to shut off the part of my brain that notices how different things feel now that I'm bigger again, and how I look in the mirror. But baby steps, right? RIGHT?! I'll get back to my good habits eventually, and for now I just want to concentrate on yoga, and not what I'm putting in my mouth. 

Happiness

I'm trying. I'm really trying to let everything good in my life be my focus, and trying so hard not to let the darkness in. But it's hard. I feel like there are two parts of me, the part that is living an amazing life right now and knows it, the part that is making friends and making changes (however small) and moving forward, and that part knows I should be happy. But then there's the other part of me that just...can't be, the part that berates myself for my flaws and failures, the part that doesn't want to leave my apartment, the part that needs to be medicated. Heavily. The part that thinks I'm worthless. But...I'm trying. 

And that's what matters.

I QUIT

It happened Friday after I got home from work.

They offered me the job.

THEY OFFERED ME THE JOB.

But I waited, you see. Waited to tell you all. Not because I don't love you, but because I didn't want to curse it or fuck it up by revealing it to the world until the actually employment letter was in my hands (or on my hard drive) and I had officially quit my current job.

Which I just did.

It went a little something like this...

I start the new job two weeks from today.

HELLS YEAH BITCHES.

Views

Another interview today, for another job I really really want.

WHY MUST I ALWAYS WANT THINGS?

It went well, I think. Not perfectly, but pretty well. The first fucking question was, "What's the best joke you've heard recently?" which come on, talk about putting someone on the spot! Who knows appropriate jokes, anyway? The only one I could half-remember was Sarah Silverman, "I was raped by a doctor, which is so bittersweet for a Jewish girl..." Don't think that one would have worked. I ended up saying I'd make him laugh at some point in the interview to make up for not thinking of one, which I did, so all was well. The low point was not totally nailing the Excel test, but I think I showed I was smart enough to be able to learn what I don't know on Excel, if they hire me.

Which they won't.

See, when I want things, I pretty much have to prepare myself for the crushing blow of disappointment, because it inevitably comes, and then I'm just...disappointed. You know? You know.

So I'm taking this view: I will not get this job.

But if I do...it would be awesome.

But I won't.

That's my view, and I'm sticking to it.

What's SUP?

So there are two angles we could take on this post.

We could discuss how I spent way too much time and energy stressing over the planning of a work event yesterday (which inevitably went off without a hitch) and analyze why I let simple tasks overwhelm me so much, and why I'm such a fucking crazypants.

Or we could just look at pretty pictures.

Laborious Day

My labor day was...mildly laborious.

It started off with another epic day of sleeping in, I guess making up for you know...fourteen days straight of drinking. I'm pretty sure that happened. Yeah, my body has needed some rest. So I've given my self some selftime, good old-fashioned lazing. I mean, it's the end of my vacation.

Tomorrow it's back to...work.

But santosha, right? I'm going to try to be content. Not bitch and moan about goddamnIdon'twanttogoback.

No.

I'm half cleaning, half lazing. Enjoying the final, rapidly diminishing moments of my freedom.

And you know.

Cuddling with my cat.

Per usual.

Things I Appreciate

*A text (however belated) from TS, apologizing for disappearing on me. It's nice to be acknowledged as a person.

*A lunchtime spoon sesh yesterday with Mr. Tree. It's the very definition of a catnap!

*A great hair day.

*An excuse to wear my business professional dress. Board meeting days are usually stressful but I think today is going to be less so. I just get to look cute, and sit.

*Free hot dogs for lunch. HOT DOGS.

*A sushi date tonight with a new boy. Gettin' my hussy on.

*A little rain yesterday morning. I love the rain.

*A general sense of wellness. Let's hope it lasts.

Happy Things: A List

1) Morning cuddlefest with the Monster Tree.

2) The girl working at Jamba Juice remembers my name.

3) My assistant for the day.

4) Lunch with my mama.

5) A marshmallow graham cupcake.

6) Found me a new ginger on Match.com to fantasize over. (I will never learn my lesson.) He looks like Macklemore. HOT.

Hi, Venice!

My company is pushing for more bonding time, so our Wednesday lunches are morphing into Wednesday team building events. This week's soiree, co-planned by moi, was an outing to High Venice in, well, Venice, a rooftop bar on the beach with amazing views and drinks and food and fun.

I had to skip therapy, and yoga practice (as if I was gonna go).

It was worth it.

Funny, this event is was caused all my stress yesterday. And I had a great time, of course.

Silly rabbit.

Pointless Post

I'm currently full of self loathing for something so dumb.

Yesterday we had a work BBQ, and we had a water balloon fight! IT WAS FUN.

I forgot to take pictures of all the water balloons I filled up.

And all my other pictures have coworkers in them.

So...this post is boring.

Woo? I went to a BBQ?

And...scene.

The Playa Kittays

Yet more kitties have found their way to the back conference room of this office of mine.

Meet Jenga and Jumanji, the PLAYAS.

A Celebration of ME

I first tried to get a raise about, oh, a year and a half ago? I was outright denied, and since then I've been lied to, put off, placated, and comforted.

I have begged. Pleaded. Cajoled. Researched. Whined. Pushed. Nudged. Reminded. Flirted. Flashed. Sexually harassed. Demanded. INSISTED.

CRIED.

And today, I finally got it.

I GOT ME A MOTHERFUCKING RAISE.

I bought a bottle of champagne on the way home.

Time to celebrate ME.

Pizza Pitfalls

Just when you think you've got your shit locked down, you have a plan, you have momentum, YOU WILL SUCCEED THIS WEEK...plans change, and you're faced with three days of ordering lunch for the office, and you're shoving pizza in your face on a Monday morn.

But you know what? I tracked it! I tracked the damn pizza.

Now I just have to try not to keep eating.

Mmmmmmhmm.

Fluffy Farewell Fête

Friday was the last day that this particular batch of kittens were in the office, so of course we had a party.

A FLUFFY PARTY. 

Antoinette was pole-dancing for us. 

Grrrrrrrrrr.

I was sleeping so peacefully this morning when I rolled over to find it was time to get up.

I had no alarm set, you see. Sometimes that happens. My body's natural internal clock rarely lets me sleep late enough to risk me being late to work, so I often forget to check my phone.

But today, oh today. I was cozy, I was cuddled, warm and wrapped in sweet dreams of...something.

But I was on the edge of being late.

I did not want to get up.

I did not want to shower.

I did not want to put on makeup.

I killed a spider at the bottom of my front stairs. Outside, far away, where it was at no risk of harming me or my offspring (Tree).

That's the kind of mood I'm in today.

Oh, then I forgot my laptop at home.

<insert angry chew gif here because I don't have my FILES>

Coworker GirlTalk Texts, Brainless Edition

(Discussing a conversation from less than twenty four hours prior.)

Her: I could be making it up.

Me: I could be blocking it out.

Her: We're quite the pair.

Kittens, Round Two

Once again, my office is filled with the sounds of tiny mews and little purrs.

I LOVE MY JOB TODAY.

KITTENS!

Everyone's Favorite Day

As I've mentioned before, one of my duties at work is to provide Wednesday lunch for the office. A perk of the start-up environment, free food everywhere!

My preferred restaurant types go like this:

a) Order online so I don't have to talk to people, delivery so I don't have to leave my chair, catering style so I don't have to deal with pickiness.
b) Same as above, individual orders.
c) Order on the phone, delivery so I don't have to leave my chair, catering style.
d) Order online so I don't have to talk to people, pick up, individual orders.
e) Order on the phone and pick up, catering style.

The absolute faaavorite restaurant of the majority of the employees is Bay Cities Deli in Santa Monica, which  is option D, so not as bad as it could be. It is unwieldy dealing with trays and trays of hot food, you know.

Anyway, someone requested Bay Cities last week, and this happened:

So, since they came back and were polite, today we had sammiches.

Well, I didn't. I had chicken breast, cucumber salad, greek salad and prosciutto and dill pasta salad. I was going to take a picture, BUT THEN I ATE IT ALL.

Everyone seems very pleased with today's choice.

I'm the best receptionist ever.

Things I Love About My Job

I've complained a lot about my job on this blog, and honestly, I think a lot of it was unfounded. My unhappiness came from me and my negativity, not from my job or company themselves. (Sure, some of it was valid, but that's not the point of this post.)

As I've been doing better mentally over these past couple of months, I've made a lot of improvements at my place of employment. My attitude is better...at least part of the time. I've advocated for myself and I should be getting a raise soon. I've asked for more to do and more responsibility, and I'm getting it.

And aside from all that, my job has a shitload of perks.

Like...

*When my kitty is sick, I can leave early to take care of him.
*Actually, I can pretty much leave early for any reason, and control my own schedule, and no one cares.
*Awesome coworkers with fantastic senses of humor.
*A kitchen full of tasty snacks (that I get to pick out so there are healthy things I can eat, not just crap).
*Amazingly close proximity to my house. I'm talking less than a mile.
*Dogs running around the office.
*A late start time.
*The freedom to surf the Internet.
*The freedom to blog.
*The freedom to wear no makeup and flip flops if I want to.
*I'll throw in awesome people again, cause it's true.
*Our company color is PINK.

I mean yeah, sometimes I'm like this...

And every day ends like this...

But a lot of days are like this, recently...

And hey, at least I have a job. And it's not this.

An Open Letter to Monday

Hello, Monday!

Usually, I'm less happy to meet you. But today, I will embrace you oh so warmly, 'cause you brought me rain.

And we all now how I feel about rain.

I'm in surprisingly good mood, considering the days I have ahead of me, full of this evil thing called work, and the fact that once again I'm not allowed to go to yoga 'cause the germies could get into my tattoo. Whatever will I do with myself, Monday?! I just don't know.

I do need groceries, this is true. But I've been trying to see how long I can go without spending money this month, except for that whole, you know, throwing a bunch of cash at some body modification. 

Whoops.

But you know, Monday, I wish you had brought some better feelings for my Tree. He looked so miserable when I left for work! I will check on him at lunch and give him snuggles, then maybe take him to the vet tomorrow. Though what can they really do for a cold? But maybe it's not just a cold...

Oh, Monday, why am I so happy today? There's no real reason for it, and yet I'm just peachy with a side of keen, that would be me.

I might as well right this wave while it lasts.

Thanks for not sucking today.

Love, 

Me

Guten Morgen!

OH HELLO MORNING!

I am at the office early.

Like, the sun was barely up when I crawled out of bed early.

There's a whole lot of day ahead of me. I could chose to be a cranky pants starting at seven in the am, and eat something to comfort myself in this hour that was stolen from my Tree, or I could say HEY WORLD, LET'S BE FRIENDS.

I might be a bit delirious.

I chose the latter.