NaNoWriMo...No

So, no.

Not even close.

I didn't really commit, despite all my posturing and all my supposed dedication. I did not make NaNoWriMo a priority. I found other things to occupy my brain. Actually, I managed to forget this whole endeavor for the last week or so...oh, what, writing...hmm?

Nope.

I did do some writing tonight, desperately, the first in a long while. Words thrown at the screen. Up until midnight, frantically slamming the keys of my keyboard, down to the wire. Still my actual fiction output this month...so pitiful. About 1/5th of the intended. Big drastic fail.

S'okay.

Maybe soon I'll really find a story I want to tell soon, and I'll commit to that. Maybe.

And maybe, some day, I'll actually win me some NaNoWriMo.



Fiction Word Count: 12,167
Blog Word Count: 20,595
Total:  32,762

NaNoWriMo Check In: Day #20, Evening

Yeah...so okay. Fine. I'll admit it, I'm not a champion this year.

I mean, I still might be. Maybe. It could happen. But it is becoming increasingly unlikely. I might, might make it to 50k words total, but I don't think there's a shot in hell I'll have 50k of fiction at the end of the month. C'est la vie.

I'm just not in love with my story. I have not found my groove, my mojo, my vibe, the flooow. It's like pulling teeth to get a single word typed out. I'm bouncing around from scene to scene, page to page, unable to find the thread of the story, unable to just go with it. I'm too self-critical as I write, which keeps me from pushing forward. I know how it feels when I'm creating something I love, and I'm just not doing that right now. Which makes it very hard to motivate myself to sit down and get some fucking words out.

Har-fucking-rumph.

At least I've been pretty verbose on this here blog. I wish gifs counted as words though, even if pictures don't. I mean, they would be worth way more than a thousand.

Fiction Word Count: 9,795
Blog Word Count: 14,363
Total: 24,158

NaNoWriMo Check In: Day #10, Evening

So, I lost some work this week. Apparently, over the course of three days, I never saved any of my writing. Because I'm just not that bright, as we have rather thoroughly established I think. Okay, let me retract that bit of self-deprecation. Maybe I'm brighter than some, but I'm definitely a bit flaky. That I will not deny.

It was maybe 1,000 words or so, nothing catastrophic, but I was distressed. And recreating took some time, so I lost a little momentum. Overall, I'm still falling pretty far behind, but I persevere. I spent a good chunk of today writing, at least. I have a pretty solid outline now, and an idea of where I'm going, but I get stuck on dialogue and can't help the editing voice in my head. Shut up, internal editor. No bits I'm particularly proud of yet, but I think I like where it's going? I like one of my characters a lot. I want to have sex with him.

Ahem. Anywho. One thing I'm having trouble with is chapters and transitions. I like to just write, I have trouble figuring out when to break things up in to chapters. Not that it really matters, obviously, but if you haven't picked up by now, I just love to fixate on the little things to distract myself from the big. So, no chapters, just a stream of crap. Or gold. Who knows?

I am going to try to add 1,000 words a day every day until Thursday, we shall see how that goes. I have the time. That, plus any blogging, and I've been rather prolific, should bring me sort of nearish to 20,000. Not quite half, but at least within sneezing distance.

Bless me.

Fiction Word Count: 6,705
Blog Word Count: 8,415
Total: 15,121

NaNoWriMo Check In: Day #4, Morning

Well, I am not knocking this shit out of the park.

But that's totally okay.

I was inspired reading a post at Running Around The Bucket, and have amended my NaNo goal. I am still hopefully making it to 50,000 words, but my true goal is just don't give up, like I have every other time I've attempted this little challenge. Even if I start nearing the end of the month and the full 50k isn't attainable, I will not surrender! I WILL NOT FALL. I WILL BE CHAMPION.

I'm trying to get back into my writing groove, where the words just pour out of me at a pace faster than I can type...actually, that's not true. Have I mentioned I'm a bad ass typist? Well, I am. One of the very few skills I will blatantly brag about without a hint of humility. I fucking pound the shit out of a keyboard and type something like 90 WPM if I'm trying. That's sexy, right? Totally.

I'm still enjoying the symptoms of writer's block. Pulling the words out of my brain is a slow and tricky process. Occasionally I find moments of inspiration and a whole paragraph forms right before my eyes, but usually it's painstakingly slow going just crafting a single sentence. And I know, I know you aren't supposed to edit, but what I do isn't really editing...it's just part of my process. I write the bare bones of a scene and go back and flesh it out with detail and deeper thought...which kind of feels a lot like editing...

But it's crawling along.

The story I'm writing begins with the breakup of an almost decade long relationship. My main character, Lilly, enjoying a quarter life crisis, cashes out on her car and her job and her friendships and flees to travel the world and fall in REAL TRUE LOVE. Or in theory she will, if I ever get her there. Definitely a little "Eat Pray Love" I suppose, which I haven't actually read and probably should if I'm ripping it off.

I knew I would need to pick a story and a topic I can really get lost in, and I think a bit of wish fulfillment is just the thing. I know I'll get wrapped up in describing the parts of the world I've traveled to or the ones I dream of, and the underlying romance will give me a bit of vicarious thrill. And to steal a piece of advice heard from a longtime NaNo-er, any time I get stuck, I'm throwing in a sex scene. WOOHOO SEX.

Fiction Word Count: 2,059
Blog Word Count: 2,184
Total: 4,243

NaNoWriMo: Kickoff!

Okay, peoples. It's November 1st. The time has come.

NANOWRIMO.

I just love saying that.

Things of note:


1) I did not plot my story in advance. I am just writing and seeing what comes out. Perhaps not my best laid plan, but we'll see how it goes.

2) I will be counting any words written on this here blog in my total word count. Why? Because I am a big fat cheater. And I want to actually finish this time. And I don't want to NOT post on my blog because I'm too busy writing the Next Great American Novel. And I do what I want.

3) I will likely post snippets here or there of what I'm working on, but I am incredibly insecure about my fiction writing, so no guarantees. The last time I let someone read something I wrote he never even told me what he thought, so that kind of crushed my confidence.


Okay, I do believe that's all I have to say. LET'S DO THIS.

NaNoWriMoWha?

Here's something you might not know about me: I consider myself a writer.

I know, right? What a surprise! Considering I, you know, keep a blog and all, but mostly fill it with pictures of cats and shoes and shit. But yes, writing has always been the thing I say I do but I don't always do. You know?

I remember being rather prolific in middle school. I took a journal assignment for English class and turned it into twenty pages of fiction, I submitted a story for an assignment that ended up winning me $100 and a fancy lunch. "Young Writer's Of California", or something. SO fancy. And in college, I wrote a lot. Confession: I wrote fan fic. Buffy the Vampire Slayer fan fic, to be precise. And it was popular, okay? Thousands of words. Dorky, inappropriate ones.

Since then, I confess...I haven't done a whole lot of writing. Bits and pieces here and there, a long term project that hasn't even cracked 10,000 words, a few started-then-abandoned blogs. Nothing of substance. Nothing I would ever show to anyone.

Since starting this blog back in March, my writerly instincts have definitely awoken from their long long hibernation. Stuck their heads out of a cave like, "Hey world, what's up?" And then the instincts are all, "I'm feeling feisty today..." This paragraph went to a weird place.

Anyway.

I want to write more.

SO!

For the third or fourth time in my life, I am going to attempt NaNoWriMo, or National Novel Writing Month. The idea is this: Starting 12:00AM on November 1st, you start to write. And then you write. And write some more. The goal is to have 50,000 words by the end of the month. No editing, no deleting, just write write write.

In the past, I have always given up within a week or so. I lose my drive, my ideas seem stupid, I get behind and then overwhelmed. You know, much like life.

Hopefully this year goes a bit better for me. I'm brainstorming ideas now, but you're not allowed to write a single word until the month begins.

Wish me luck!