The Self Compassion Diet

A few weeks ago I was hanging out with an old friend that I haven't seen in awhile, and made an offhand comment about myself that I didn't really think about. Until she immediately replied, "Why would you say that? You're really hard on yourself."

It's interesting, getting a little perspective on yourself from an outside source.

Because she's totally right. I am extraordinarily hard on myself, and I don't really know why that is. I always have been. But I've been having  more issues with it recently: I try to go easy on myself which results in indulging in bad behavior which makes me feel guilty when I don't WANT to feel guilty and BAM. Self-destructive cycle INITIATED. Abort code is classified information. 

This article was exactly what I needed to read after this weekend.

A few choice quotes:

"People who find it easy to be supportive and understanding to others, it turns out, often score surprisingly low on self-compassion tests, berating themselves for perceived failures like being overweight or not exercising."

“I found in my research that the biggest reason people aren’t more self-compassionate is that they are afraid they’ll become self-indulgent,” said Dr. Neff, an associate professor of human development at the University of Texas at Austin. “They believe self-criticism is what keeps them in line. Most people have gotten it wrong because our culture says being hard on yourself is the way to be.”

“Self-compassion is the missing ingredient in every diet and weight-loss plan,” said Jean Fain, a psychotherapist and teaching associate at Harvard Medical School who wrote the new book “The Self-Compassion Diet” (Sounds True publishing). “Most plans revolve around self-discipline, deprivation and neglect.”

I took the test. And I am really not self-compassionate.

This article made me think of an anecdote I've heard many times about the American attitude towards food and indulgence. Basically, when a group of Americans is offered cake and asked to say the first thing that comes to mind, they choose words like "guilt" or "shame". When French people are presented with the same challenge, they said "celebration".

Our societal attitudes towards dieting and nutrition are just so fucked up.

Food for thought.

But not REAL food. Because I'm not hungry.

Nope. I'm not.

Baby Elephants Are My Soul

I've always thought I wanted a tattoo. I used to say that once I thought of a design I really liked, I'd wait six months before getting it so I could be absolutely sure...but I've had a design in mind for over a year now, and  have yet to get it. We'll see if I ever do.

Anyway, relevant point is that this tattoo features a baby elephant, because this is my spirit animal, basically. From my oldest stuffed animal to my assortment of figurines.

And I was on Jezebel this evening and came across this article. Baby elephant orphan is adopted and taken care of by a woman whose life I would very much like to steal. They cuddle. 

OMFGBABYBABYLOOKATTHEELLIEIWANTTOPLAYYYYY.

My soul is so happy right now. Everything I want  in life.

His name is Moses.

*dies*

SHOUTY FEMINIST HIPPIE

For the most part, I have kept it pretty light on this blog. Or, the less light stuff, comes from my own pathetic emotional fuckery. I figure, there are dozens of people better qualified than myself out there on the Internet, writing about all the important shit, so I'll just talk about kitties and shoes and pretty boys.

But in the last week or so, I have been overwhelmed with so many stories from the news that literally make me sick to my stomach.

A candidate for Senate spouting bullshit theories about legitimate rape and pregnancy, then insisting he was just misunderstood. A teenager sexually assaulted then publicly blamed for ruining her attacker's life. Paul Ryan's very existence.

But it's not just the US---in the Dominican Republic, a sixteen year old girl discovered she had leukemia while she was nine weeks pregnant. The chemotherapy she needed would kill the fetus, however, violating the country's anti-abortion law---so she was denied treatment for 20 days before the courts made up their minds. And then she died.

What is WRONG with this world!?!?

I just I can't even start. The SEXISM. The VICTIM-BLAMING. THE STUPIDITY. I just try to form a good logical response and I can't...LOUD NOISES.

You're telling me my body is SO DAMN ADVANCED that I can physically SHOOT RAPIST SPERM away from my eggs? And if I get pregnant, that's MY OWN DAMN FAULT. I gotta birth that damn baby, oh and also, you probably won't have programs to help me raise it. OH, AND ALSO MY FAULT? Getting RAPED. 'Cause I was just drunk and slutty, and you know, FEMALE, and maybe I should keep my mouth shut so I don't make my poor attackers FACE ANY PUNISHMENT? 'Cause you know, boys will be boys and all. Not like they should be held ACCOUNTABLE OR ANYTHING. I SHOULD APOLOGIZE FOR HAVING A VAGINA.

OH AND ALSO. MAYBE A FERTILIZED EGG IS LESS OF A PERSON THAN A FULLY FORMED TEENAGER? MAYBE?

I JUST CAN'T RESIST CAPS.

FLAMES. ON THE SIDE OF MY FACE.

I wouldn't say that I'm incredibly well educated when it comes to politics. Fiscal issues, debt ceiling, tax rates, blahdiddlyblah. The only issues I tend to debate and focus on are social ones. Gay marriage. Birth control. What the hell I'm allowed to do with my own vagina. Etc. You know, relevant stuff.

I'm going to make a pretty controversial statement here:

 At this point, I honestly do not understand a moral defense for voting Republican in the upcoming election. I cannot speak to every individual candidate or supporter, but the party as a whole has tied itself to so much sexism, racism, and general bigotry that I cannot comprehend a reason you would want them in power. Is your money really more important to you than the rights of your fellow citizens? And if you're voting with your hateful social and religious beliefs in mind, do you understand the concept of separation of church and state? Do you realize the general platform of oppression championed by your party is designed to drag me by my hair, kicking and screaming, back into the 1950s?

It makes me sad that elephants, my favorite animal, have been appropriated by this tragic, antiquated party.

Okay, deep breaths.

I think I'm done.

For now.

EDITED TO ADD:

Well, I just found this article, which basically is my point exactly, except WAY BETTER WRITTEN.