Back to the Blog

I'M HERE.

I didn't die. I didn't abandon you all. I just...had not much to say. Which is weird, because life is happening, and you'd think I'd want to talk about it.

But maybe my narcissism is dwindling and I've realized...no one cares.

Regardless, you're getting a summary of my life. Starting NOW.

• I have gone back to yoga. YES. YES I HAVE. I knew the second I renewed my physical practice I'd feel a million times better, and I do. I don't know why I ever stopped, probably your basic mix of insecurity and laziness, but the important thing is that I'm back, doing something for myself and my soul, embracing the love of yoga. WEEEEEEE!
• I'm auditioning to be an intern at my yoga studio in mid-November. DOUBLE WEEEEEE!
• Third date with the new nicknameless boy...siiiigh. I like him. Lots. Only hangup: he's my height, about exactly. And I am not tall. This is not HIS problem of course, he is hot as shit and has a six pack I want to lick, attraction is definitely not the issue and I don't judge the shorties. The issue is my self-consciousness about my size, and feeling bigger than him. I have issues. I know I just need to get over it, but it's hard when I'm larger than I'd like and feeling particularly vulnerable.
• So, adoring Nicknameless, but I'm having lunch with Vegas on Sunday too. It's only our second time seeing each other since we met, but I feel like I owe it to myself to see if there's an equivalent spark. And he is TALL.
• Tomorrow is my last day at my current soul-sucking job. @#&*$^*#&%$^*!!!! I keep having second thoughts, wondering why I'm leaving such a chill, easy position where I can do whatever the fuck I want, but then someone asks me to do something absurdly stupid and I'm like, "Yes. Get me out of here." I'm so nervous to start the new gig, but I know it's the best thing for me. I think my new, strict schedule and you know...using of my brain, will really have an influence on my life. I'm looking forward to a total lifestyle overhaul.
• I am optimistic about the future. For the first time in awhile.

Emotional Overload

Life is overwhelming right now.

I have so many posts I could write. SO MUCH IS GOING ON. I don't even know where to begin.

I have things I should be doing right now. I should be packing to leave for San Francisco early in the am. I should be wrapping the gifts for the bridal shower I'm going to once I get there. I should be showering, or cleaning, or taking out the trash.

But for now, I'm sitting. On brain overload, totally incapacitated.

Shit That's Going On Right Now

*I had a second interview for that job today. Yup. And I think it went really, really well. I don't want to sound cocky, but I think I might get it, and if I do...i have to decide if I want it. I know, I said I really did, but now I'm panicking, because change is scary and what if I can't do it? And it's not a raise. And it would be a really intense, non-creative, technical job, and I'm worried it'll do nothing but stress me out, and is that better or worse than me hating and being unfulfilled by my current job? Plus side, it gives me more experience on my resume, and I need a change, and it's really just as close to home as my current job....ahhhhhhhhhh.

*This bachelorette party is going to be so fun, but I'm stressin'. What to wear? What to pack? How much am I gonna spend? Will I run out of money before my next paycheck? Did I buy enough of a gift? Should I get something else? 

*I'm breaking up with Thumper tonight. Yeah. It's gonna suck.

Things You Do When You're Poor

• Eat cereal and milk for dinner every night because it's gloriously cheap.
• Inadvertently guilt-trip the guy you're dating into buying you a real dinner when you tell him this fact.

• Wear a dress you haven't worn in over a year (as it's really not flattering) because you don't want to waste money doing laundry.
• Stay at work during lunch to save a tiny amount of gas.
• Contemplate bailing out of a best friend's bachelorette weekend because it will quite literally deplete your bank account. 
• Realize you cannot do this and be a good friend, and wonder if anywhere around you buys blood.
• Find yourself increasingly jealous of your cat's super easy lifestyle. What a lazy little bitch.

A Monday List (And a gif party!)

So, I might be back.

Not making any promises, though.

I was told I was missed. Have I been?! I MISSED YOU.

It's hard to post when I'm feeling bad. And I've been feeling bad guys. SO BAD. Just about life. You read. You know.

But I might be feeling better?

I had a great weekend. Great. I had a lovely day yesterday. I had a nice night last night full of writing. And this morning...well, I don't feel perfect. But I feel like I could be doing a little better.

And besides, life is pretty good right now. Just, on its own merits. I should be counting my blessings.

A list you say, for old time's sake?

Reasons I Should Be Feeling Awesome Right Now

• I'm dating a sweetheart of a boy who's taking me here tonight. Isn't it PRETTY? I'm going to get so pretty to match. 

• I am making friends through yoga, people like me and I've had many fun nights out in the past few months. I'm not totally a weird antisocial loner like I fear I am.

• I have an interview this week and even if I don't get the job, they clearly recognized potential in me from my resume and initial phone interview. That's a win. 

• I have a supportive and awesome family who I went on an incredible, memorable vacation with, and not everyone gets to have that. Some people...well.

• I get to see my Biff tomorrow! Since she didn't make it to the Valley this weekend to hang out, we're meeting for dinner. IT'S BEEN SO LONG I WANT TO GRAB HER AND NEVER LET HER GO.

• I'm going to VEGAS THIS WEEKEND! THREE MORE SLEEPS!

A Recounting of Events: Hardly Complete

So, what exactly happened on my trip, you may be wondering. Or maybe you don't care, and it's just the narcissist in me assuming you do.

But you know me.

I like to talk.

1) In case you didn't notice in the picture post yesterday, I sorta pierced my tragus on impulse. Twice. I'm in love with it. I want more.

2) Someone kinda became smitten with me. Maybe more than smitten. It's baaaad. See, Mantana's friend apparently developed a crush on me awhile back from Facebook pictures, and so we all had dinner my last night in town. And now he's been inundating me with comments on FB about my, well, stunning beauty, and the like, and privates messages like, "Thinking of you, sweet, sexy girl!".  It's progressed to text messages, and he even invited to fly me to San Diego for a concert. I cannot make it, and probably wouldn't go regardless. I am learning there is such a thing as TOO much attention. He really is nice and cute, but I didn't really feel a spark...and yes, I tried to feel one. Ahem.

3) I did, however, feel a sparky connection with an older, Canadian businessman with an incredibly Canadian name. We had drinks. We laughed. Then this Canadian and his couple friends took us to three am Chinese food where they served us after hours alcohol called "cold tea" aka "beer", then adventures continued till sunrise. Whoops.

4) The next night, Mantana and I fell in love with a bartender. Fell. In. LOVE. It was our last night in Vancouver so we HAD to go out, even if it was in yoga pants and very little makeup, completely exhausted from a wild week of non-stop fun in Montana and a late night the night before. We picked a low key pub and two seats at the bar. Up walks the bartender, and...love. LOVE. He spent the whole night talking to us. First he proposed marriage to me for a green card, since I live in California and he wants to move there. Then he proposed to Amanda, for her lawyer status. LE SIGH. He made eyes at us. He smiled. FLIRTED.

Miss Mantana claimed him, which was only fair because it was her birthday. But oh dear god he was so brutally, blisteringly, devastatingly attractive. We sat at that bar till closing, till the lights came on. But I'm not allowed to talk about him, since he's been claimed, so we have to move on. Shh.

5) Oh, and I was ADVENTUROUS this trip. I went down the world's largest and tallest zip line. I went rock climbing on a boat. I cracked crab. I'm a little bad ass.

6) That is all...for now.

Things I Learned Up North

• I'm "city". Not "country". 
• Apparently living in Texas for a year and a half before the age of ten added a dollop of Southern to my accent, per both Montanans and Canadians. Huh.
• I'm apparently very attractive in both Montana and Canada. I got some attention. Mmhmm.
• And attention breeds confidence.
• Or maybe vice versa?
• It's fun to drink and drive. And by that, I mean drink while driving on a dirt road, not drive after you drink. That would be wrong. 
• I can drink a LOT and not get hangovers. I am a fucking superhero.
• Border patrol be staffed by dicks. "You have a gun in the car, don't you? DON'T YOU?!"
• Rodeos are fun, especially if you don't actually watch the rodeo.
• Canadians cannot dance.
• I was told that I am "the only girl who's ever made a one piece bathing suit look sexy". Fascinating. 
• I really do love country music.
• I could maybe live in Montana for like, a year. Max.
• But I could totally live in Vancouver. 
• I needed to get out of Southern California. 

Prep Day

I'm not working today, 'cause I gots SHIT. TO. DO.

I get nervous to travel. I think you know this about me. I get nervous to do a lot of things, which is kind of indicative of my personality, generally. So luckily my boss let me take today off to prep for my trip.

Today I need to:

• Do laundy.
• Pack.
• Run errands of varying importance.
• Clean my place so it's not a pit when I get home.
• Re-pack.
• Go to the doctor to get my crazy meds adjusted.
• Do more laundry.
• Re-pack.
• Stress.

Oh, and I need to get my keys to my awesome friend who will be checking in on the Tree while I'm gone. 

Oh, and I was supposed to work my shift at the studio tonight, but one of my new friends (I HAVE NEW FRIENDS) from training traded with me to relieve some of my anxiety. I luff her. 

Oh, and Thumper is coming over later tonight to finish up watching "Orange Is The New Black", which we've watched entirely together over the course of a few at-home dates. Then he's staying over and taking me to the airport.

Yeah. 

Reasons I Did Not Post Yesterday

1) I barely touched my computer. Why?

2) I had a boy in my bed until noon. I woke up earlier and really wanted to make him leave, but thought that would be rude. So I just laid there.

3) Then I had to drive him home, and immediately get ready for yoga training.

4) Also, I had to fit in time for an emotional meltdown, because why not? I'm me, and there's always time for an emotional meltdown.

5) Then. Training. SO FUN. We did an exercise where we did our usual round robin style teaching (one person starts, then the instructor calls out someone else to take their place at random points), but with a twist. We all had to teach while taking on a character. Someone was Eeyore, someone was drunk, someone's dog had just died. We had a hilarious cowboy and a prostitute. I was a stoner. Yuuuup. It helped us see how your attitude as a teacher affects the whole room...plus it was just plain entertaining.

6) After training, a big group of us went to a bar down the street for one of the boys' birthdays, and then: we drank. We laughed. We talked about yoga. I ate healthy food. I drank some more. We had so. Much. Fun. One of the girls (I shall call her Stevie) had a guy she's dating come meet us (she found him on Tindr!). Then: I had a boy come meet us. A different boy than the one that was in my bed.

7) You know where this is going.

8) Bentley judged me.

9) So that is why I did not post yesterday.

10) And today, I'm doing something really cool. I'll tell you all about it later. But I won't be here. 

Assorted thoughts of the day.

• I forgot to put on deodorant this morning. Whoops.

• When I arrived at work yesterday, something was amiss. I felt off balance. It took me a few minutes to realize that all the trees across the street had been cut down, totally changing my view and the light coming in through the front door. THINGS FEEL SO VERY WEIRD.
• Hung out with MI last night, and he leaves in a week. I ain't sad about it. We've (or at least, I've) really enjoyed our time together and I'm totally digging my new casual dating attitude. It's so fucking FUN. 

• I had cake today.
• Amongst other things.
• I feel fat.

• I have plans tonight to hang out with one of the yoga girls and study. Yay for making new friends!
• In fact, I'm busy every night this week. Yay for having a life!
• I didn't go to yoga yesterday, but I went today, so that's 6 out of the last 7 days! GO ME!
• SO MANY !!!!

• And...no more thoughts.

Things I Appreciate

*A text (however belated) from TS, apologizing for disappearing on me. It's nice to be acknowledged as a person.

*A lunchtime spoon sesh yesterday with Mr. Tree. It's the very definition of a catnap!

*A great hair day.

*An excuse to wear my business professional dress. Board meeting days are usually stressful but I think today is going to be less so. I just get to look cute, and sit.

*Free hot dogs for lunch. HOT DOGS.

*A sushi date tonight with a new boy. Gettin' my hussy on.

*A little rain yesterday morning. I love the rain.

*A general sense of wellness. Let's hope it lasts.

A Wedding In Lists

Golly gee, I'm sorry for my absence the last few days. Off living life, I guess.

Or you know, I just hate you all.

One of the two.

In good news: THREE DAYS IN A ROW OF YOGA.

In other news: I went to a wedding Saturday!

And things got...interesting.

Let's see, where to begin, where to begin...

Lists.

But first. I don't have a style post for you yet, due to my failure to take a selfie (what?) or have someone take a picture of me. I'll (probably) gather the various items together later, 'cause I looked ADORABLE. My ego was really big, not gonna lie.

Other Reasons My Ego Was Big:

1) After the couple's first dance, the DJ requested everyone bring their "special someone" out onto the floor. My mom and dad got up, as did my sister and her boyfriend. My mama beckoned me to join them and I laughed and said, "What, am I going to dance with my booze? No, thank you." So I was sitting happily with my drink when the adorable toddler ring bearer came up to me and said, "Pretty lady, would you like to dance?" And of course I said yes. So I got the first dance of the evening with the cutest boy at the party. He did spend most of our courtship distracted by his ring pop, but that's okay. It looked delicious.

2) I ran into the friend of a friend, Besos to be specific. This particular friend, actually, male in gender, is jokingly supposed to be my future soulmate, mostly due to his love of a certain football team and my father's past affiliation with the same. Anyway, I briefly hung out and danced with him and his group, until...

3) My sister and her boyfriend re-introduced me to a boy that I, apparently, went to elementary school with, first and second grade to be specific. I recognize his name, and his face seems really familiar, but I can't say I really remember any of our interactions. He, however, claims to remember all his friends having crushes on me at age 8. Smooth compliments. We somehow ending up spending the rest of the night dancing, and talking, and drinking, and flirting...

Notable Hilarious Moments From The Wedding:

1) Said boy from elementary school looked down at my feet at one point and said, "Hey, your toenails match the color of part of the flowers on your dress." I just looked at him and said, "That was not at all intentional."

2) The best man's speech overall was hysterical, beginning with, "I was married last year on July 7th, so thank you to the parents of the bride for throwing me this awesome anniversary party, and thank you to everyone I don't know for showing up."

3) At the after-party, my sister apparently asked the bride about the guy I was spending my time with, to get her approval. The bride informed her that, well...he has a long-term girlfriend. This resulted in my sister ripping into him, with a speech along the lines of, "If you have a girlfriend, you should not be buying drinks for my little sister and flirting with her all night, and if you want to do that then maybe your girlfriend isn't the person you want to be with. Am I right?" The poor guy stood there and took it like a man, pretty much, I mean as manly as he could when it was the truth and he in fact, did have a girlfriend.

Sigh. What can you do? I am seemingly catnip to the involved.

But it was a pretty vicious teardown. And you know...funny, the look on his face.

So that's how my night turned out. Flirting followed by failure.

Oh wells.

At least I looked cute.

The Whole Home Stretch

Four. More. Days.

FOUR. MORE. DAYS.

Then...

I mean, really, I'm joyful, but I'm not actually aching for the end of my Whole30, dreaming of garlic bread and ice cream. I'm fine! And I'm pretty proud of myself for sticking with it and having it be so...almost easy. I really can have willpower when I want to.

Things I've Learned During My Whole30

*I like eating clean. Imagine that.

*I can make myself cook and prep and try, when I have to.

*It feels great to refocus on eating right.

*It's expensive to eat healthy.

*I can eat intuitively, not count points or calories or ounces or grams, and nourish myself, and not binge.

Things I Think I Learned During My Whole30

(But Will Confirm Next Week When I Reintroduce Things)

*My body needs the fuel of grains, or dairy, or both. I just don't really feel totally right. 

So, yes. FOUR. MORE. DAYS. 

And soon...

SUSHI!

The Girl Brain

Be warned: you are about to read an official Crazy Post, courtesy of my spazzing girl brain.

Are you ready?

Be ready.

Okay.

Pretty sure TS is over it. Or if he's not over it, I might be over it.

I'm displeased today. Let's put it that way.

Reasons Why He's Not Texting Me

• He's over it.
• He's under it.
• He's really super duper busy. 

• He's lost.
• He's sickly.

• He got to stay the night in my bed so he thinks he's "in" and doesn't have to do any work anymore.
• He didn't get The Sex and thinks he never will because this is the goddamn 1950s.

• I'm a bad kisser.

• He's playing games with me.
• He forgot my name.
• He accidentally deleted my number. 
• He got to pet Bentley and that's all he wanted from me.

Acceptable Reasons Not To Text Me

• Death.
• Dismemberment.
• Being over it, I guess, though a polite brush off would be nice.

Every other reason is dumb and time could be made for a five second text. Three second. Yes? YES. 

GOD.

I mean, look, I get that a few days without texting is not that big of a deal, but last week he texted me pretty much every day. So it just seems suspect, if you ask me. And you did ask me. You came to my blog.

So I just have this feeling that he's over it.

And you know, even if he's not, the fact that I haven't gotten any of that attention I so desperately need in the last few days has indicated something to me. I've started to lose interest, which means I probably was only into him because he was so obviously, or seemingly anyway, into me. 

Make sense?

Sure.

Anyway.

Irritated.

And he seemed so promising! That's the thing! I was all optimistic and shit. What does this teach me?

Optimism is for suckers.

Compliments of the Week

*At my cousin's grad dinner last week my grandpa told me I look like Sandra Bullock. I used to hear that a lot when I was younger but haven't for a few years. I'll take it!

*The nice lady at one of my local lunch haunts told me I've lost "a lot of weight!" Thanks, lady.

*TS told me I'm pretty. *giggle*

Date Number Two: Electric Boogaloo

Last night was my second date with the boy who has so many potential nicknames I don't know what to do with myself. Clearly he's a potential good egg, then. For now, we'll go with The Screenwriter.

I don't really want to say much about TS. I feel like I'm going to jinx it. With the way things have been going lately, I feel like I'm Two Date Taylor, doomed to curse things with my over-enthusiasm.

I will say...I had a great time. A great time.

Just the facts:

• Our date was almost post-poned because he had to work late. The TV show he works on started filming yesterday.
• We did, however, meet up, and he bought me wine, and we talked quite comfortably for awhile.
• We have a lot in common, and he's sweet and funny and smart.
• And I quote: "Kissing you is the most fun I've had in awhile." I don't care if that's a line, I appreciate the effort taken to use a line. Woo me, dammit. 

The Good, The Bad, The Random: Thursday Edition

The Good

*My apartment is finally (mostly) clean, and that's nice to wake up to.
*I discovered a Visa gift card in my wallet with just the right amount left on it for a smoothie this morning...
*Which meant I ended up driving on Bentley Avenue, which is a great start to any day.
*Got me a date tonight.

The Bad

*I broke my favorite headband this morning. Let us have a moment of silence.
*My banana had a big big brown spot and I don't eat that shit.
*I don't think my jacket quite matches my shirt.


The Random

*It's amazing how much less Diet Coke we go through in the work kitchen when I'm not drinking any.
*I really need to take off my toenail polish. It's trashy.

$37.13

That's how much money I have in my checking account.

And my savings? My credit cards?

Let's not even go there.

I'm broke as a joke, y'all.

My raise was reflected on my last paycheck, a little less than $150 per paycheck. This is awesome. Not as awesome as you know....$200, 400, A TRILLION DOLLARS PER PAYCHECK, but still, awesome. And yet, somehow, I am the poorest I have been in a looooooong time.

Clearly, I really need to get back on this budgeting kick.

Things I Need To Stop Spending Money On

*Drugs.

*Hookers.

*Clothes.

*Smoothies.

*Take-out.

*Food in general, 'cause let's face it I can live off my own flesh.

*Therapy. I'll just be crazy.

*Gas to go anywhere besides work.

*Toilet paper. I CAN USE LEAVES.

*Litter. I CAN USE DIRT.

*Laundry. I will just SMELL.

*Songs on iTunes.

*Books on Kindle.

*Booze.

*Makeup.

*Joy.

*Anything fun.

Things I Learned At The Grocery Store Today + A RECIPE!

Deep thoughts from Taylorville.

1. Everything has soy. 
2. And if doesn't have soy, it has sugar. A craving for breakfast sausage could not be sated by anything at Ralph's. Merde.
3. It's expensive to eat healthy.
4. But I already knew that, today just reaffirmed it.
5. And in order to eat Whole30 you have to like...make everything.

So, I made lunch! A late lunch, but lunch. I used this recipe as inspiration and a starting point, but veered off slightly from the ingredients and instructions. I KNOW RIGHT?! I'm like...brave.

And it was delicious.

Here's my very first recipe for you all. If you try it, let me know what you think!

Turkey and Spinach Stuffed Sweet Potatoes

Ingredients

*4 sweet potatoes or yams
*1 pound ground turkey (I used Jennie-0 93% Lean)

*Bag of baby spinach

*2 tablespoons coconut oil

*1 cup red onion

*2 cloves garlic

*1 teaspoons onion powder

*1 teaspoons garlic powder

*Trader Joe's smoked sea salt

*salt and pepper to taste

Instructions

1. Heat up your coconut oil on the stove on medium high heat.
2. Add the garlic and onions to the pan.
3. When the onions start to smell delicious, add the turkey and break it up with a wooden spoon.
4. Microwave your sweet potato according to these instructions. (Or do it in the oven according to these, if you have foil and time, which I didn't.)
5. Once the turkey starts to crumble and cook, add the onion powder, garlic powder and a generous amount of smoked sea salt.
6. When the meat is close to finished cooking, add the spinach, I did half the bag at a time.
7. Take the sweet potato out of the microwave, cut it open and mash up the insides, add meat, et voila!

Assorted Thoughts For Your Amusement

• My parents have way nicer toilet paper than I do. So soft...
• A reader (hi reader!) thought they saw me at a Chipotle in LA the other day, and almost went up to the girl to say hi, but didn't. Which is good, because it wasn't me. I officially feel like a celebrity.
• Have I told you one of my ultimate goals in life? To have a paparazzo take a picture of me, thinking they probably should 'cause I just look SO GOOD I MUST BE FAMOUS. Yup.
• MY FUCKING PERIOD STILL HASN'T COME AND I AM A TIGHTLY WOUND BALL OF HORMONES READY TO EXPLODE AT ANY MOMENT YOU BETTA WATCH OUT. 
• SHOUTY.
• I most definitely am not carrying the son of God.
• Right?
• I cried at a really bad movie yesterday. Really bad.
• I'm mentally totally zen about not hearing from New Guy yet, except because of the GOD DAMN HORMONES I AM TOTALLY NOT ZEN.
• I frosted a bajillion cupcakes while volunteering today and didn't eat ANY.
• That's...all. 

Things I've Eaten This Week

• Cheetos
• Pad See Ew with Chicken
• Crab Rangoon
• Chocolates
• Sushi x a billion
• Quesadillas x a billion
• Breakfast burrito
• Pizza
• Cookies
• Cheesy bread

Maybe I should stop.