Happy Birthday B!

Today is the 14th birthday of my dear, dear, Mr. Tree!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY BENTLEY!

Let's take a look back at the changes over the last near decade and a half...

HE WAS SO BITTY!

Of course, he got dressed up for the occasion. 

Isn't he handsome?!

And of course, a story for you. Because no Bentley post is completely without a story of his outright bitchiness.

I got home from work yesterday and was going to quickly change into comfy clothes before my therapy appointment. I walked into my hallway to find my jeans, well...decorated with cat puke. The jeans I was going to wear on my date tonight. The date that takes me away from Bentley on his birthday.

Clearly, he has an opinions about this.

I'm sorry, Tree! I'm such a bad mother.

I WILL GIVE YOU ALL THE BIRTHDAY SNUGGLES WHEN I GET HOME!

You handsome devil.

Happy Birthday to my predecessor.

Happy Birthday to my sister, who turns 27 today. Daaamn. This is how I imagine her today.

She doesn't read my blog, which is totally fine because now I can talk about her without her reading it and getting a big ego.

We have an inside joke about how she left etching on the wall of my mother's uterus, bits of wisdom and insight for me so I'd know what to expect when I emerged into the world. It's in moments like that, when we joke together and share a sense of humor other people can't quite get, that I love her beyond measure.

I love my sister because she's ridiculous like me, but she appears to not give one flying fuck what people think. She'll say what she thinks, do what she wants, dance whatever crazy weird dance emerges from her soul, and it's usually hilarious and entertaining for all around.

She's tiny and adorable and blonde (usually, currently brunette like me and sometimes a redhead) and beautiful, with a memorable face, kind of Kristen Bell-esque.

She's always entertaining, usually good-intentioned, sometimes sympathetic and often impossible. We don't always get along, I will admit that without pause, but when we do she's a great sister and friend, and I'm grateful to have her.

Even if she tried to steal my birthday Barbie that one time when I was four.

March Recap

Birthday month is over, folks.

Let's have a moment of silence.

...

And we're done.

We have things to discuss, though. Oh, so many things. Fascinating things. Things of an administrative nature.

1) You probably didn't notice unless you're reading my blog as closely as you know, me, but I took the Lululemon pants off my reward list, and didn't explain why. Shame. Well, my ever so kind parents gave me a Lulu gift card for my birthday, and I got a head to toe new outfit! I even posted a picture of me in the outfit, but didn't mention it. For shame! It's hot as fuck, no?

2) I got business cards made for da blog. For FREEEE. I haven't decided what to DO with them yet, per se, but I will have them.

3) I updated some of the pages above, and added links to my links, Pinterest, Last.fm and Twitter (which I rarely use, but maybe I will start).

4) I made a new button! If you have your own site and wish to link to my Crazy (it deserves a capital, wouldn't you say?), here's a button, button whose got the button?

5) My secret goal for the month was 5 posts per day, every day, and I hit it. Boom. Granted, I caught up the other day with 10 posts, if you were wonder why I was so damn prolific.

In Birthday Vino Veritas

According to Facebook, the entire world is drinking beer (most of it green) to celebrate some holiday honoring St. Patrick of the Ireland Nation. It's like, a thing.

I'm apparently too classy for that shit, 'cause I just got tipsy on wine all day.

Yes, this is the culmination of my birthday celebrations. I will stop now, I swear...although my sister still hasn't given me a present. What a bitch, riiiight? JOOOOKE. Yeah, but really. Done with the birthday whoring after this, swearsies.

I may still be drunk.

PICTURES.

And some talking, also.

Yes.

We headed up to Los Olivos around 11:30. The second we rose above sea level, left Santa Barbara and headed into the mountains, the fog cleared and the sun brightened up the inside of the car, and Deuce perked his head up from the back seat.

OH YEAH WE BROUGHT THE DOG.

First we hit the Stolpman tasting room, and enjoyed salads from Panino on their outdoor patio, and also enjoyed you know...wine. Fully approved of their tasting offerings, 'cause obviously I have a very sophisticated palate and am able to differentiate between good and great wines.

Then we wandered around Los Olivos for a bit, enjoying the beautiful sunshine. Oh, it's snowing where you are? I'm sorry, I'm such a bitch. I had to take off my sweater 'cause I WAS HOT.

My mom insisted on taking me to the garden store, which was wise on her part. 'Cause it was a magical paradise and I loved it. I took a gazillion pictures, everywhere you turned was some fascinating novelty or nifty discovery, I could have spent hours there looking around.

Next we headed to the Melville winery and again lounged outside, drinking, with a view of their vineyards and shade for the sunned-out pup and myself.

Then we drove all the way to Lompoc to the "Wine Ghetto", a row of warehouses with wine production facilities. We wanted to try the Longoria tasting room, and it was definitely worth the trip...of course, once there we found out there was a tasting room in Los Olivos too. Oh well. It was nifty to see all the big barrels and shit. Mmhmm. Poor Dubsie had to stay in the car.

Then home. I drunkenly dozed on the way. Then dinner, now drinking more wine, because that's just absolutely necessary. Obviously.

And there is birthday cake.

CAKE.

A Birthday List

Things That Made Me Happy On My Birthday

1. Facebook posts from cute boys...and Facebook posts in general.

2. My new shirt from my yoga studio, 25% off 'cause IT'S MY BIRTHDAY!

3. Surprise random gifts from coworkers. Hello Target gift card!

4. Drinks and dinner with my college roomie in Santa Monica.

5. ...at the same penthouse bar I went to last year with my parents.

6. Beautiful views.

7. Horrible, horrible, shorts.

8. My new pearls from my parents. 'Cause I'm a lady now.

9. And my gold mustache earrings, a early bday gift from the Married Buff when we shopped last week!

10. Oh, and A FUCKING KITTEN IN A CUP.

The Story of Taylor: A Birthday Retrospective

As legend has it, I was born in a dumpster in Phoenix, Arizona.

Well, perhaps that is a bit misleading. Maybe I was not born in said dumpster, but the family joke is that I was found there by my parents, picked out on the cheap. You know, free. Dumpster baby.

See, when my mom was pregnant, I guess their insurance required them to go to the "discount" hospital, or so my sister discerned one night over dinner when we were in high school. (Though my mom says it didn't end up being so "discount" once she demanded more drugs.) This devolved into a long running gag about me being fished out of the trash.

Such is my family's sense of humor.

Anyway, that's me. March 14th, 1988, rescued from refuse. Bargain baby.

Baby Taylor does not want sisterly love.

Other birthdays of note:

1992, Age 4: Had just moved to Los Altos, California, which necessitated an early birthday party in Phoenix prior to the big move. We have it on tape, and some amazing sisterly moments were captured. Like when one of my friends told me what my present was before I opened it, and my six year old sister shrieked, "YOU'RE NOT SUPPOSED TO TELL!" Or when I opened a gift that was two presents together, a Barbie and a Skipper, and my sis snatched one from out of my hands and announced, "This one is MINE." I just sat there quietly. On my actual birthday, we were in a hotel, and my cake had nuts. I was not happy. To this day I do not believe nuts belong in my desserts.

1995, Age 7: We had a cake walk at school, and I won a cake! It became my birthday cake. It either had coconut, or nuts, I don't remember. I don't like coconut, or nuts, see above. WHY SO DISAPPOINTING, CAKE?

1999, Age 11: I had a sleepover with a big group of girls, and we went out disco bowling, which is the hip thing to do when you're a pre-teen. In case you don't know, disco bowling is regular bowling but with NEON LIGHTS and a SMOKE MACHINE and COOL HIP TUNES. And being super hot as we were, we wore PAJAMAS to bowl. My parents awkwardly danced and embarrassed me. Then we came home to find our big Akita Zeus had eaten half my birthday cake off the kitchen counter. But being the good dog that he was, he left plenty for the rest of us!

2001, Age 13: I had always wanted a surprise birthday party, and my parents threw me one at Chevy's! I fucking love Chevy's, to this day. I believe I hadn't planned on having a birthday 'cause I didn't have many real friends. This is a common theme throughout my life. I remember a really, REALLY awkward hug with my sister's fifteen year old boyfriend.

2004, Age 16: Another surprise party, though this one I knew was coming. A boy I was desperately in love with asked me, quite subtly, "If you were going to have a birthday party, who would you invite?" At least he tried, right? So, he throws me the party, board games and dorkdom and my father in the next room, it was oh so sweet, then three days later on my actual sweet sixteen, he broke up with me over AOL Instant Messenger to get back together with the girl he cheated on with me. Then I went ahead and dated him again when I was 21, and then he cheated on me again. And knocked her up. And married her. I really don't learn my lessons, do I? I'm getting side-tracked.

2007, Age 19: A college friend gave me a bag of weed as a present. That was pretty cool. I'm sure there was also drinking. Also, my birthday cake was decorated with Beauty and the Beast paraphernalia. Clearly my inner child is quite outer.

2009, Age 21: I had a party the weekend before at my apartment with all my best college girlfriends, and a few penises too. It was childhood regression themed. We listened to a playlist of Britney Spears and 'N Sync and other amazing 90s pop, and I wore a tiara, and my friends gave me a Belle from Beauty and the Beast Barbie. Again with the child. We played Mario Kart. It was awesome. Then on my actual birthday, since none of my girlfriends were 21 yet, a group of muscle-y crew guys took me out and got me trashed on "the Ave", my college's main strip of bars. One of them tried to hook up with me when he walked me home but I pretended I didn't notice it was happening and slammed the door in his face.

2010, Age 22: I had a bad boyfriend. He said he would get paid the next week, and buy me my present. He never did. Oh, and this was the same boyfriend from age 16.


Overall, I would say, a memorable history of birthdays. I can only hope something ridiculous happens today to add this one to the record books.

A Hollywood Birthday

Last night I celebrated my birthday with my parents in our usual way: dinner and a show.

We dined at Katsuya in Hollywood, which is one of LA's trendiest sushi spots. I'm a big fan, though my favorite Japanese spot in town remains Sugarfish. Katsuya first introduced me to the joys of crispy rice with spicy tuna a few years ago, which I enjoyed along with a california roll topped with sauteed shrimp, mushrooms and asparagus and albacore, almond and eggplant in a miso glaze. Oh, and two watermelon cucumber mojitos, and a chocolate lava birthday cake dessert. NOM.

For our show, we saw the Catch Me If You Can musical at the Pantages theater, which I've mentioned before is my favorite venue. So beautiful! Catch Me If You Can holds the coveted title of being both a favorite book AND movie (others include The Virgin Suicides and The Princess Bride), so I was so stoked to see it on stage and it did not disappoint. The show is tons of fun, with catchy, retro songs, all the charm and wit of the film, and great sets and costumes. The lead actor was phenomenal, and the supporting cast all did a great job. If the tour comes through your town, I recommend you check it out!

I'm headed up to SB for the weekend so of course the birthday celebrating will continue for a few more days. I AM A BIRTHDAY WHORE. But last night was absolutely fantastic and I'm so grateful to my parents for always giving me awesome bdays. We were reminiscing last night about the various ways we've celebrated over the last few years, and I'm so lucky they put in the time and effort to do such fun things with me.

I guess they kinda like me.

Pie Day

Today, aside from being Albert Einstein's birthday, Taylor Hanson's birthday, Billy Crystal's birthday, and oh yeah, MY BIRTHDAY, is Pi Day.

3.14

3.14159265358979323... and so on.

PIE.

This whole "Pi Day" thing used to bother me when I was younger, honestly. In elementary school and middle school, you'd get to math class and the teacher would say, "Do you know what today is, children?" And I'd wait for them to announce, "TAYLOR'S FREAKING BIRTHDAY!" because obviously the entire world should celebrate me, but no, they'd answer "Pi Day!" and then talk about circles and shit.

Boring

Fuck you and your pi.

But now I embrace it. Because...pie. Me oh my, I loooove pie.

I should get some pie later.

Pie.

25 Before 25 SUCCESS! (Basically.)

Back in January I came up with a list of 25 things I was going to try to do before my 25th birthday.

Which, you may not know, is today. I know, I've been keeping it on the down low, you had no idea! WHAT A SURPRISE.

But yeah, my list?

Rocked. That. Shit.

God, I love me a completed list. Or...an ALMOST completed list, as it were.

25 Before I'm 25

1. Hike to the Hollywood sign. 
2. Post on my blog every day.
3. Write some fiction. (Ehhh, a little...nothing substantial. But I tried.)
4. Read five books. (Exactly five!)
5. Knit something. (FAAAAAIL.)
6. Give away clothes to charity. (Four bags full!)
7. Find somewhere to volunteer. (Barbara Ireland Walk on March 16th!)
8. Clean out my car. 
9. Organize my desk. 
10. Bathroom too. (Plus I did my vanity!)
11. And bookcase.
12. And nightstand.
13. Cuddle with the kitty. (SO MUCH.)
14. Go to yoga a few times. (More than a few!)
15. And do yoga at home. (Vegas is home, right?)
16. Get my car washed. (It is currently getting its bath, in just under the wire.)
17. Get my windshield wiper blades changed.
18. Get my hair cut.
19. Re-arrange my various knickknacks.
20. Buy flowers at the farmer's market. (More than once.)
21. Take down my Christmas lights.
22. Organize my fridge.
23. Try to be healthier.
24. Try to be happier.
25. Love myself.

It's My Birthday! (And tale of a yoga fail.)

5:40 AM

6:00-8:00 AM

Oh yeah, you read that right! Two hours of sweaty hot hot morning yoga. I've been planning this for weeks, and I'm so glad I did it. What a freaking awesome way to start my 25th year. The computer system told my instructors that it was my birthday so they greeted me with warmth and love and hugs. It makes me happy when people know it's my birthday, 'cause I may like attention. In case that wasn't evident. 

However, I did learn a very valuable lesson today about being properly fueled and hydrated for my practice. 

Turns out, if you go to two hours of morning yoga after having two cocktails the night before, very little water, and not enough sleep, you will puke in between classes. And because you don't want anyone in the locker room to hear you and force you to stop your practice, you will go outside and puke in a trash can in full view of the boxing gym across the complex.

I am all class.

Of course I felt 100% better after puking, and I took the second hour easy, and it was totally fine. But, lesson learned: Hydrate. Fuel.

BIRTHDAY.

Rosy Early Birthday

My loving parents know that I adore getting flowers at work. It makes me feel special. (I once dated a guy pretty much solely 'cause he sent me flowers at the office.) And, since I don't currently have me a boyfriend, they're next in line to fulfill this love of mine.

Since my mama is oh-so-smart, she sent me a bouquet of beautiful roses early, so I can enjoy them all week long.

Thanks, parentals!