GirlTalk Texts: Via Mouth Texts

Me: A College Makeout found me on OkCupid...

Biff: Uh oh. Years in the making!

Me: He's like, "I believe we know each other through Your Biff." I'm like, "I believe we know each other through my mouth."

Biff: Hahaha did you say that? Please say you did!

Me: No. But I should.

Lazy Linkage

The Real Women Behind Disney Princesses

This is fun! Kristen Bell will make an excellent Disney princess.

30 Reasons Cats Are Terrible Friends

Truth.

AND THIS GIF IS AMAZING.

How to Lose All The Weight You Want in Just 89 Simple Steps

Ha. Hahahaha. Haaaaa. So good.

"47. WAIT! Eat like a caveman, even though they were not very tall. Or bright. They didn't have yogurt, did they?"

27 Symptoms Of Dating In Los Angeles

Oh this is just fantastic, and dead on. I will not reply to a guy who lives on the other side of the city unless he's really cute, I mean that's practically a long distance relationship! And I cannot tell you how many emails I've gotten remarking upon the fact that I am one of the few profiles without a headshot photo.

How to Win Friends and Lovers (Mainly Lovers) With Your Online Profile

Wisdomous.

Beeslut

I'm a motherfuckin' dating MACHINE.

Met me a new boy last night for sushi dinner. Delicious. The sushi, not the boy. I didn't taste him.

Awkward.

Let's start over.

I'm a motherfuckin' dating MACHINE! I saw Mr. Improviser (MI) on Sunday and Monday, then this new guy yesterday. I am such the busy little bee. A slutbee. Bee for boys. BEES!

I'm on a dating high.

*deep breaths*

See, I haven't told you the deal with MI, I don't think. He's part of a traveling improv team who tour colleges (hence the new nickname), and they're actually based out of Chicago. He's from LA and technically lives here, but during the touring season he's you know...in Chicago, or living on a bus. On our first date I apparently misunderstood him when he said how long he was in town for, because it turns out he leaves soon. Like, August 5th soon.

No wonder he's wanted to see me so much.

I quite honestly am not bummed about this. I've enjoyed spending time with him, and will continue to see him till he leaves if he's so inclined, but in the week we've been seeing each other I haven't developed any real feelings or precursor to feelings. I just...like him. He's nice. But I'm not invested and I'm not attached, so it's probably for the best that he leaves sooner rather than later to go make people laugh, and I can move onto shiny new bees.

Am I the bee, or are they? I really don't know where I've gone with this joke.

SO ANYWAY. New guy seems sweet. He's the first one I've met off of Match.com, so basically my mother bought him for me. He has a real job, none of this Hollywood crap. He's not really my "type", if I even have a type, but you know, nice and employed is a good type, so let's go with that. He already asked me to see a movie with him this weekend, so he earns points for being forward.

Let's hope this bee doesn't sting.

Lather, Rinse, Repeat

IT HAPPENED AGAIN Y'ALL.

I went out on a first date last night (more on this later) and came home to find my inbox chock full of Match.com messages. I changed my main picture yesterday, so I guess I popped up on everyone's homepage or something and they were all, "HEY-O!" Or something.

Anyway, so I'm scanning through the emails, not particularly taken in by any of them. And I recognize a profile name. And I click to read.

And O.M.G.

Once again, I have been found by someone I've dated before.

"Heya. We went out a couple of times last year at some point. To my recollection, I think it petered out due to me being an awkward mofo and/or an idiot. Does this ring a bell? However, my gut tells me that maybe we should hang out again. Your laugh was pretty cool." 

Seriously, what is the Internet but a giant recycling bin? Do I really make that much of an impression, or are the pickings really just that slim? Should I be totally embarrassed that this guy and I met off of OKC, and he messaged me now on Match? Should this guy and my other repeat get together and have a threesome?

These are my questions.

So, the deal with this dude is that he was the first one I went out with last year when I started up with OkCupid. I remember our second date came the day after my first date with the Ginger, and I was so totally enamored with that boy I was barely present on our outing. After getting his message I started wondering if maybe I didn't give him a fair shot, then I had an epiphany.

I was blogging back then! Perhaps my own thoughts on this boy are at my fingertips, waiting for me. Aaaand yup. I reference him here and here (Bachelor #1).

And I quote:

"...he was a little too fixated on how much and how fast he could drink, we barely had any chemistry, conversational or otherwise, and honestly...he had a little bit of Nerd Voice. I can't handle NV."

Now, the chemistry thing can be explained away with my preoccupation with The Ginger. But as for the rest...yeah. I don't think I need to be rinse/repeating on this one.

Still.

Hilaaaaarious.

You Really Like Me!

One of my fears with online dating, and dating in general, is that I'll meet someone who's more into the idea of me than me, myself. Does that make sense? What I mean to say is that I worry about finding a guy who desperately wants to like someone, and thus likes me because I'm, you know, there and somewhat likeable, not because they feel any real feelings for me.

And I'll be perfectly honest here, I'm worried that may be happening with this new guy. He does seem to like me. But...does he really?

He came over to watch a movie last night after yoga training, so that's three dates in four days. That's a lot of face time, way more than I ever spend with a guy right off the bat. And for me, this isn't a problem, because I'm not investing any extra emotion or expectations because of some additional flirty-time, but the fact that he's so eager to see me kind of gets my spidey-sense tingling. Which, of course, is an indication of my incredibly low self-esteem and commitment issues, but regardless. It's something to think about.

And I do like to think.

I mean, usually, this dating shit is dragged out. I have time to obsess and analyze and wonder. There's a date a week, max. My suitors don't ask me out for another date while still on the current date, they don't joke about being sad I'm going out of town for the weekend, they don't talk as if future hang-outs are already a definite. They don't tell me they think I'm awesome.

All of this makes me go hmmmm, you know? Because it's just atypical. But is it atypical in a bad way? Does it indicate anything beyond this boy being sufficiently intrigued by yours truly? Is it anything to actually worry about?

This particular boy (who does need a nickname) is not as much of an online dater as I am. He's had a profile for a year, but hasn't met many ladies, and overall seems to treat the process with heavy doses of skepticism and caution. So I worry that, perhaps, he takes this whole endeavor more seriously at its roots than I do. I've always said, I don't want an "insta-relationship". Is that what he's looking for? Or am I just projecting my fears onto his perfectly normal behavior?

Maybe I really shouldn't over-think this. He's sweet, he's nice, he wants to treat me like a lady. What's the bad here? Maybe it's as simple as it seems: he likes me. He wants to spend time with me. Simple.

So for now, I will just go with it. See him when I want to see him, act how I want to act. There's no reason to play silly games or enforce arbitrary rules of behavior because I think I need to behave in a certain way. I do think it's for the best to back off just a touch, though, because three dates in four days is a lot, and Mama likes her space. No reason to rush anything, even if he is a cutie who thinks I'm awesome.

Which you know, I am.

Why wouldn't he like me?

The Re-Date

Last night I went out for drinks with the blast from the past who emailed me last month. We hadn't spoken in awhile, and I was bored and needing some date action, so earlier this week I messaged him on Facebook and just said, "So when the hell are we hanging out?"

Last night, apparently.

I got purty.

We met at my favorite local bar.

Love when they come to me.

He asked at the end of the date why I gave him a second shot, when he was likely at fault for not following up after our last date, you know...three years ago. (I mean, it's allllways the dude's fault, right? Right.) I told him it was pure, unadulterated curiosity. I'm glad I'm such a curious kitty. Because we had a pretty great time.

I feel remarkably comfortable with him. There wasn't even a tiny bit of me that felt like I needed to impress him, or be anything more or less than just my goofy, good-natured self. We bantered, we joked, we were completely honest with each other (or hey, at least I was). I didn't censor myself, or consider any topic off limits. I guess I didn't feel like I was approaching it like a "date" so much as I was engaging him on a friend level, which probably makes for a better start, don't you think?

Of course, there was certainly non-friendshippy elements too. Ahem.

Anyway...

He asked me out again for tonight. No doubt prompted by the fact that I mentioned how much I liked how forward TS was by initiating a second date immediately. See? Boys listen!

So, yeah. All went well. I'm really trying not to over-think things like I usually do, just take them as they come and enjoy his company. Who knows? We could be friends, we could be more, but it certainly makes for a great story.

Which is really why I do most everything at this point.

So I have shit to write about.

Chubby Chasers

So, I spied a guy on Match.com that seemed interesting to me, and lo and behold, he messaged me just a few hours later. Win!

I replied.

He replied.

And in his message he said:

"I like that you're not super skinny."

Okay. Let's break this down.

Obviously, he meant it as a compliment. He wasn't trying to call me a big fat fatty fat. He intended it as a positive thing. So I will not run straight to the Cheetos.

But you know...by the time a dude gets to his late twenties, shouldn't he know not to comment on a girl's body? Especially when pointing out that she's not, you know...a twig? Shouldn't a guy know that for most women, that would not be taken well? It crosses a line, right? RIGHT. So I feel like maybe he's super awkward, generally. 

I talked to my Biff about it, and she said as a person who doesn't have my kind of body fixation, she wouldn't take it as an insult. Because she's not "super skinny". She's fit, she's thin, but she's not skin and bones. In her view, he probably meant that he's sick of the typical LA body type of invisible limbs and visible ribs. So she doesn't think I should take it to heart. 

But you know...I just don't know. I feel like commenting on appearance in the second message, regardless of content, could be a potential red flag. Yellow flag? Like, if he's commenting on my curves straight away, maybe that's all he's looking at. MY EYES ARE UP HERE, BUDDY. AND THEY'RE BROWN.

GOD.

Men.

I should just give up. 

Blast from the Past

I got a message on OkCupid today that read, "Haven't we chatted on here before?"

I didn't recognize the profile name, and was going to just pass it by, assuming it was merely a line. But out of curiosity I clicked on the profile, and actually did recognize the guy.

We went on a date.

Three years ago.

At first I was like...

But then I was just like...

I even remembered his name, can you believe it? He didn't remember mine, but that's okay. Three years is a long time. We had a good enough date, if I recall correctly, but then I met someone I liked better, or he started dating someone, or I think we mostly had friends chemistry. Honestly not sure. But we were even Facebook friends for while!

Oh man.

Hilarious. 

We're totally gonna get drinks. 'Cause why the hell not? Either we'll be BFFs, fall in love, or he'll turn out to be a total creeper. 

Any way it turns out, it'll make for a great story. 

A Dealbreaker

I have a story, but this story needs backstory. And this story involves my Match account, ever so kindly paid for by my mama, but first, I need to discuss my primary, preferred service. If you've never used OkCupid, let me give you a little peek into the mechanics of this particular online dating website.

OKC uses questions to determine a match percentage for you and a potential mate, broken down into your primary match, friend percentage, and enemy percentage. Question topics range from sex to math to drugs to grammar. In theory, this helps you determine whether or not you'd get along with someone. I don't honestly get how it works, because half the time I swear it's fucked up and someone I have a high match percentage with misses the boat on a gazillion questions, and someone with a low percentage seems great. But that's not the point of this post.

Now that you get the gist, I've come to the tip of my point.

There are a few questions that deal with weight and attraction, and answers to these questions are very important to me. "Can overweight people still be sexy?" If you answer no, I don't care if you look like Ryan Gosling, we're not messaging. "If one of your matches was overweight, would that be a dealbreaker?" My preferred response is no, but I'll make allowances for "yes, but only if they were obsese", cause "obese" certainly means different things to different people.

Which brings me to my story, and my dealbreaker.

I have not been impressed with Match thus far, and I've only replied to one guy who's emailed me. He seemed interesting, and his last message included an invite to meet up, which I would have gladly accepted...except.

I had asked what part of town he lived in, and his response was an approximation of the following:

"I live in Venice, which is great except during the summer when crowds of obese tourists invade and clog up the boardwalk."

Now, I get that this is a joke. I do have a sense of humor. But...come on, bro. Of all the descriptive characteristics one could ascribe to obnoxious tourists, like I don't know, obnoxious, or oblivious, you chose obese?

Online dating is about putting your best face out there to the world, right? And apparently this guy's best face tells fat jokes. Now, maybe if I'd been more interested in him otherwise, I would have let it slide, but as it was, it was enough to be a dealbreaker for me. I sent something snarky back in response, and that's that.

But seriously---I don't think I'm overreacting. Maybe I am. But I got into a discussion this week about how "fat prejudice" is one of the last biases in our culture that goes completely unchecked and is, in fact, willingly accepted. It's not considered "PC" to keep your fat hate in check. It's socially acceptable to spout your loathing for the chubbos of the world, and you won't get called on it. It's totally cool to make an obese joke to a girl you're trying to woo on the Internet, 'cause hey, she's not fat, amirite?

It's gross.

In retrospect, I could have used the moment as a teaching tool as opposed to taking the opportunity to get sassy, but I don't think I could have educated this guy anyway. But I'm making a commitment to myself from here on out to not let these kind of comments go unchecked out there in the real world. I want to be strong for myself and for everyone else who feels the sting of jokes and insults like these, no matter what our physical bodies look like on that particular day. People should know their fat shaming humor and ingrained hate just doesn't fly with me, and shouldn't fly with any decent hearted person.

Are you with me?

The Neighbor Date

See, this is why you can't nickname a guy before the first date, because sometimes the perfect one just drops right into your lap and it's just...PERFECT.

First, a little nugget of hilarity: I was messaging with this guy for awhile, and gave him my number before I realized we hadn't actually exchanged names. Whoops. Turns out he possesses the name of my Asshole Ex. I do try my darnedest to avoid repeats, but this name in particular is a good name, so I guess I can let it slide.

And that brings us to the nickname.

He picked the bar, and just so happened to choose my favorite place, super close to home and divey and casual. I enter, we introduce ourselves, and he offers to buy me a drink. Perfection. He then says that he actually walked to the bar, because he lives at "X Blvd and X."

I stare at him. "No you don't."

"What?"

"I live at X Blvd and X."

Turns out he lives across the street from me. Seriously.

So he is now The Neighbor.

We had fun! Taylor like. I'm not going to say I'm definitely getting a second date out of this, because as we've learned when I have an ego the universe likes to squash it like a little buglet, but I would not be surprised.

Of course, I offered to drive him home, and when we got to my driveway there was someone in it and I was kind of a bit of a bitch so hopefully that didn't sour the sweet impression I no doubt had created up until that point, but you know...I'm kind of a bitch sometimes. So there's that. And I'm obsessing. 'Cause I do.

Anyway.

Good times.

Oh, yeah, once again...no style post for you. I'm sucking on that front lately. I did take a selfie in the car...yay selfie? 

Anywho. 

Yay date.

Ho Fo Sho

I'm here to bring you a little snippet of hilarity from yesterday's double date day.

My first date was at 3, my second at 7, giving me plenty of time to change locales. The earlier date was meant to be at a coffee shop in Culver City, but due to Memorial Day it ended up being closed. We decided to forget the whole "coffee" thing and just go straight to a bar, and I recommended one across the street from the place I was meeting Date #2 later that evening.

Because I'm nothing if not practical.

So, we have some drinks at 3 in the afternoon, chat, laugh, all is well. We part around 6 or so, giving me time to touch up my makeup, sober up, remove my car from the lot and make a loop so I don't have to pay for parking for a gazillion hours, and head across the street to the second bar.

Which was also closed for the holiday.

So where did I and Dude #2 end up going?

The same bar I had just left.

One day. One bar. Two dates. One bartender.

He came up to us and looked at me and I was like "Uh, hi again!"

I told my date I'd just been there with a friend.

I'm a ho.

Double Date Day

I had two dates today.

You heard me right. DATES. TWO.

I couldn't have my OkCupid profile up without being tempted to reply to eligible guys, and it's not like you can message back and forth indefinitely. And while I'm being picky about who I meet, a couple of the guys did seem interesting enough, at least for a first date. Nice seeming boys, with jobs. But unless there's was tons of chemistry in person, I'm wasn't sure either would turn into anything more than a bit of fun---one lives far, and one's an actor.

I was looking at those as, you know...intro dates. Tester dates. Like interviews for jobs that are good jobs but you aren't totally sure you want them, but you'll give it your all and see if maybe it's a good fit. But your hopes aren't sky high.

I figured this was good to start off with. 'Cause of course, I was fucking nervous, and I'd be even worse if I was meeting one of the other guys I'm messaging with, who I'm super excited about.

But then.

Guy #1 was very nice, very cute, we had good conversation, witty repartee. He didn't buy my drinks, and there wasn't any sparky chemistry. But I would go on a second date.

Guy #2 was very nice, very cute, we had good conversation, witty repartee. He did buy my drinks, and there was sparky chemistry. I absolutely would go on a second date.

I would declare my return to the dating world a SUCCESS.

Oh. and this was my outfit.

So, who knows where this may lead? But I'm happy with how today went, and proud of myself for climbing back on the proverbial horse.

Or man.

Not that I climbed on a man.

Nope.

Messages I Got This Week

I set up my profile just over a week ago, and have averaged about 20 messages a day since then. Lord almighty, save me from the men of the Internet. A high percentage of these emails clock in at under five words, of course, most of them being "hi/hey/ho" or "sup", but whenever I log into my account, I know there may be a gem waiting for me.

Previous entries here and here.

*"Wanna see me naked?"

       -No! But thank you for your kind and generous offer.

*"Ayo gurl r u a beaver?! Cuz dam!!!"

       -If he had spelled a higher percentage of words in his message right, we'd be getting married right now. I love a good pun.

*"Lmao. Omg I love girls who cuss. I dunno why. It's just funny as fuk."

       -I feel like a creature in a zoo. Girls who CUSS. What a novelty! It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs.

*"Maybe we can do something spontaneous together sometime."

       -You want to make a plan to do something spontaneous? That seems a bit contradictory.

*And my personal favorite for the pure ridiculousness began with, "I don't normally do this, but..."

       -YOU'RE ON A FUCKING ONLINE DATING SITE YOU DORK. COME UP WITH A NEW LINE.

Google Stalkin'

I KNEW IT.

The day had to come. Ever since I started the blog, and began using the same pictures on my dating profile, I feared it would. Knew it would.

And it has.

STALKER.

I'm thoroughly amused right now, though. Not frightened. Maybe I should be frightened.

I kind of want to know who you are. It's only fair. Unless you're a creepy stalker. Are you a creepy stalker? You probably wouldn't tell me, would you? You seem nice enough. We should toootes be friends. Unless you're creepy.

Anyway, back to my point, which is now I fear I need an entirely separate set of pictures for my dating profile, which is soooo muuuuch woooork. I'm not that attractive, I don't have that many good pictures of me lying around. But I really need to not be stalked to my blog, on which I trash bad messagers and bad daters and talk about how I have a lot of emotional problems and really, really love my cat.

See, Stalker? You really don't want to date me anyway.

Shallow Suck

I debated whether or not to write this post, and then I decided that not writing it was dishonest, and trying to present myself a certain way to you guys, my darling readers, which is just lame. 'Cause what's the point of this blog if not to be, for the most part, as open as possible?

This weekend as I was lounging around in the sunshine, I took to my phone and checked on the status of my OkCupid inbox. Thus far, it has not actually been providing me with the kind of entertainment I was hoping. Aside from the one, no post-worthy messages. No sexually explicit offers. No waxing poetic on my beauty. Just the standard, sub-par flirtations and the occasionally half-way interesting introduction. Tons of emails, but no one I'm yet moved to meet.

I'm being picky this time around.

Anyway, I got one message that was pretty good. It seemed like he had a personality, and took the time to read my profile, and didn't cross any major boundaries. And then I took a look at his pictures.

I don't really have a "type", physically. I'm attracted from everything to a slight hipster beanpole to a burly big lumberjack. And I like to think that I'm not entirely superficial, although of course attractiveness to me is crucial. But this guy was...big. Not just overweight, but significantly so. And I instantly thought, "Oh, no."

Of course, I then felt awful about it.

Who am I to completely write someone off for their size? What kind of person am I to work this hard on self-acceptance and body lovin' and all that jazz, but not apply it to the people I'm attracted to? I SUCK. I do. That's terrible.

But then I took a moment to examine my reasons for my instinctive "no". Was it purely a physical attractiveness thing? Not entirely, though that was part of it and I can't deny it.

I thought about the fact that health and wellness is such a big part of my life now, and I talk about it a lot. I wouldn't want to put that obsession onto someone else, and make them feel pressure or shame for where they are in their own bodies. And too, I'm working to continuously move forward, not back, and while assuming someone has less than healthy habits because of a few pictures is presumptuous, it's not out of the realm of possibility.

I don't know. I'm probably awful and judgy. And it's not to say I'm not attracted to or willing to date people who are overweight at all, I am---but there's such a scale, and this guy was on the further end of it away from where I want my life to be. That's not to say I may not meet someone at that end that I could want to be with someday, but if I'm choosing from the online catalogue, I can be picky.

I mean, I'm not going for Brad Pitt circa Thelma and Louise, but yeah.

Anyway.

Thanks for listening.

I'm sorry I suck.

The Perfectly Awful Message

The second message to grace my inbox was a perfect case study in online dating What Not To Do.

Let's assess, shall we?

Jenna's gonna help.

It starts off well enough.

"Don't take this the wrong way or anything, but why is someone like you (someone who sounds like a great woman) looking for guys in the internet? The only reason I came out with is that you either work a lot, like 50 hours a week, or you have the worse luck in the world and only meet boring guys or guys who are only looking for sex." 

Not too bad, right? Nice, complimentary. The problem here is that it's generic. I would bet you five WHOLE dollars that this guy copy and pastes the same email to every potential, as there is not a bit of identifying information to show that he's actually read my profile. All he has to do is scan it, find a few key facts, drop them into a second sentence about why I sound so great, and bam. We have the makings of a winner here. 'Cause here's the thing: If you act like you're interested in us as a person, we're more likely to respond.

But then here comes the kicker:

"Speaking of bad luck, I hope mine doesn't kick it and you turn out to be a 500 lbs woman or worse, a man in disguise." 

Ah, yes.

There we have it.

Because all people on the Internet are TOTALLY FAT, right? And, also, liars. And fat people are gross. HAHA. Good joke. So of the moment. So topical. 'Cause we're Internet dating, and that's what FREAKS AND FATTIES DO.

In case I have to spell it out:

1) Please no fat jokes.

2) Don't insult the girl by insinuating she's not who her pictures show her to be.

3) Don't even remotely imply she might look like a dude in drag.

Mmkay?

Info In Excess

In the depths of weekend boredom, I was struck with a bit of inspiration and decided to set up my online dating profile. I wasn't actually ready to start dating, mind you, I just wanted to think of a profile name, and set up my OkCupid once again, without pictures, since I was waiting until I dye my hair.

(I do think I'll try Match too in the future, but can't hurt to use the free one as well, right? Double dipping ain't illegal.)

A Weight Watchers friend helped me come up with a cute, fun profile name, then I took to answering their standard questions, which haven't changed since the first time I explored the site, oh, seven years ago or so? God.

In the past, I think I was so desperate to show personality, to show that I had one, that I couldn't stop myself from throwing everything and the kitchen sink into my profile.

"Joke! Joke! Joke!" I'd start out, before listing what I though were my best qualities and funniest worst ones. Then, "Look at all these good movies I like!" I'd brag. "And all this awesome music I listen to! And food! Joke! Joke! DON'T YOU WANT TO FUCK ME?!"

It would turn out that my profile was, well, long.

This time, though, I'm trying to keep myself in check. Because I think a too-long profile communicates one of three things:

1) You're very insecure and want to be validated.

2) You're very egotistical and want to be validated.

3) You have way too much time on your hands.

I would say numbers 1 and 3 are fairly accurate, and I don't really want to advertise them right off the bat, do I? No.

So, over the weekend I answered the questions, and messed about, and creeped on my girlfriends who have profiles. First I had what I thought was a sassy little profile, then I decided to some editing 'cause, well, some of the words might have been too big.

Then I pondered just how self-deprecating I should get, and how confident I want to seem, and what's too much Taylor and what's not enough. Basically, how much of my nonsense do I unleash?

Then I contemplated how honest I want to be about what I'm looking for. And then I decided, not very. Why take it too seriously?

And then today came. And I was going to deactivate my profile, and let it go to sleep for a couple of months, but honestly...I'm a little bored.

A little lonely.

A little...antsy.

So I put up a few pictures. Just for fun.

Let's see how this goes.

A Dog Story

I once saved a puppy from drowning in a pool.

For reals. I jumped in and saved her! I am pretty sure I was clothed at the time, but I can't promise you this. I was seven or eight. Can't remember.

Is this worthy of bragging rights? I ask for a reason.

Basically, I'm contemplating my online dating profile. The fated day approaches on the distant horizon. Is that the sort of hilarious fact one could share to entice the fellas? 

Probably not.

See, I could use the same profile I had last time, and clean up with the messages quite well I'm sure. It worked out for me in the past, got me plenty of attention. I actually got more than a few comments about my profile being "really funny, most girls aren't actually funny", which really annoys me as I know I've mentioned, but what can you do. 

But I don't really want to use the same profile because a of all, boring, and be of all, what if someone recognized it and was like, weren't you on here LAST YEAR? I mean, that would be creepy status, but whatever.

New profile, new name, fresh start, new fun facts.

I've lived in Belfast, was mugged in Paris, I'm a future sexy yoga teacher in training...

I...saved a dog from drowning?

Nah. 

I have to take out Bacon though. 'Cause if you Google that shit, I come right up.

Dating Pre-Season

I've been itching to date lately. I miss boys. And we know Bentley misses boys. Or you know, men, I guess, now that I'm a quarter of a century old I should probably start dating dudes with chest hair and 401ks, isn't that what we decided?

I'm not sure I'm ready yet, though.

What I learned post-Ginger and through my dating in 2012 is that when I'm interested in a guy, I wrap up way too much of my self-worth in their opinion of me. I'm quite the cliche like that. And when they reject me, as they inevitably do because statistically it's gonna happen, I'm crushed and then my confidence plummets and I eat. Which is just, again, straight out of some pathetic after school special. Must I be so Tori Spelling?

And too, when I would go dates, I would always be so consumed with whether or not the guy liked me, how did I look, was I being funny enough, did I have enough good stories to tell, putting on a performance---of course, this is all part of dating, but I would care way too much if I was impressing a guy even if I had no interest in him. 

But, I've been working so hard on that. I really do feel like I'm at the point where I'm ready to look for someone that I'm interested in, and not just ready to seek out the attention of anyone that would have me.

Another thing that held me back from dating the past few months was the fact that I didn't enjoy the element of the "getting to know you" stage where you talk about, you know, your lives, and all I had to say was, "I kind of hate mine, and my job, and all that makes me happy is my cat, and eating." Who wants to spend time with that ball of sunshine?

But two things:

1) I've changed the way I talk about myself, and am trying to be less of a Negative Nancy.
2) I've changed my life, and have different things to talk about. Let's imagine for a second how much attention my profile will get with "yoga teacher in training" on there. HEYO!

Anyway.

Maybe I'm moving towards being ready to date again. I mean, I am content on my own, which was part of this whole endeavor. I know how to be single and happy as an individual. Or as part of a female/feline pair, as it were. And I'm focusing on my own issues, what I need and what I want. And that can continue, even if I am dating.

But another thing I worry about is that dating is going to distract me from this healthy lifestyle. I know, I know, you can't put your life on hold to lose weight, but I also don't want to throw myself out of my comfort zone all willy-nilly.

But like, use it or lose it, you know?

GAH.

I've said it before and I'll say it again now, I don't need an insta-relationship or someone to call my boyfriend or even someone to date longer than a couple of weeks. I just want to get out there, have some fun, meet some people and maybe make a connection that I've been missing for a really long time. 

But not yet.

Soon. Not yet.

Everything But The Kitchen Links

Today in gossip: Blair Waldorf and Seth Cohen are dating. WHAT?! It's like something out of my fantasies!

Diet Soda May Be The More Dangerous Alcohol Mixer

Well hey, I've been getting drunker for YEARS. I'm always such a trendsetter.

The Red Carpet Project

So much Oscar fashion! Fifteen years worth. I have yet to check off any additional movies on my Oscar list, mostly 'cause I don't feel like paying $10 damn dollars a ticket. I'll be house-sitting for the 'rents when the Academy Awards air though, so I'll actually get to watch. Yay.

What It's Like To Be A 20-Something As Told By "Mean Girls," "Bridesmaids," And "Girls"

Heh. Buzzfeed, I love you. I should probably start watching Girls, huh?

A Reminder To Stop Feeling Sorry For Yourself

Yeah, necessary.

How To Seduce Someone on OkCupid With Horse_eBooks Quotes

And yet more Buzzfeed, I don't even know what I just read, but I think I enjoyed it.

And last but certainly not least, COMMUNITY IS FINALLY BACK!!! Thursday. Be there. (I'll be there Friday, on Hulu, 'cause I ain't got no fancy cable.)