Freedom Day

Gosh, sorry y'all. I was off living life yesterday, and I'm sure you just missed me terribly.

Right?

Sure.

I hope you all enjoyed your day of freedom from work (hopefully) and from the British (WOO!). You know, personally, I can take or leave the 4th of July, as a holiday. It's okay. But I enjoyed myself yesterday.

My parents throw a party every year due to their excellent view of the Santa Barbara fireworks, and of course I usually attend. Plus my sis and her boyfriend were in town for the weekend, along with her pup.

I'm always happy to help my mama out in the kitchen, so I spent the first part of the party there, and the second part drinking a bottle of wine.

Wiiine.

But let's not talk about wine, let's talk about food. And freedom. (I did go to the new SB CorePower yesterday, and freedom was the theme chosen by the instructor. FREEDOM!)

That whole introducing food groups slowly? Didn't work. Freedom is hard. But, you know, nothing has affected me awfully terribly. So that's good news.

Also in good news: I actually can handle freedom, in some ways. I have not gone crazy on portions, or on options. I had a few things the last two days that stray away from the way I've been eating the last month, but I wasn't tempted to go hog wild and binge on anything or everything. I was content to eat like a person.

Win for me.

Freedom tastes great.

'MERIKA.

April Foolin'

I will not be tricking you today.

You can all breath a sigh of relief.

I just kinda don't get this day.

I will occasionally get a little joy from scaring someone or something, but I just don't get that frisson of glee from tricking someone into believing something that's false.

Plus, I'm just super fucking gullible.

So this is not my holiday.

Unless we're pranking cats. Then it's hilarious.

Here, Buzzfeed organized a handy guide to all the pranks on the Internet, so you won't be taken in by all the tomfoolery.

This...should be real.

Easter Morning

Twenty five years old, and my mother still makes me an Easter basket. Despite our lack of religion, or observation of any other Easter tradition. 'Cause she's the best mommy in the whole wide world, obviously.

• An extremely generous Bed, Bath, & Beyond gift card to pair with one from my grandma, to buy new towels and other exciting things for my apartment. You know you've been domesticated when that titillates you as much as a shoe purchase.
• Much needed Neutrogena makeup remover wipes.
• Delicious pomegranate and citrus scented bath products.
• Cadbury creme eggs, 'cause everyone knows my love for them. My Biff also gave me a package of minis last night. And I already ate a box by myself this week. I need to freeze some of these to enjoy throughout the year, when they are scarce and I'm deprived. 

Thank you, Mom!

To All My Ladies

Lovey Dovey V-Day Links

Happy Valentine's Day/Single's Awareness Day/Corporate Chocolate Promotion Day/Thursday!

I hope you're prepared for an onslaught of LOVE today. I'm feelin' it.

I refuse to let this be me.

Plus I have links for you. Mostly from Buzzfeed, 'cause they win at everything.

And this is just the beginning.

37 Dogs Beating You At Valentine's Day

Haaa. These pups be suave.

Awesomely Bad and Awesomely Dirty Tumblr Valentines

I would be particularly wooed by Jesse.

When Bill Met Shelley No Disability Could Keep Them Apart

This is just the best. True love.

The Ultimate Guide to Seducing a 1940s Man

"If you kiss a man, it should be for your own pleasure and not as a reward for him." The most relevant part.

14 Best Valentine's Day Craig's List Ads

Bahahahahahahaahahaha.

And ike the Gay Marriage USA Facebook page and see some adorable pictures of happy couples.

Paperman

Valentine's Day is coming up. Love is in the air.

The fact that I do not have a Valentine, and have put myself on dating hiatus (which we all know is a crock of shit because no one wants to date me anyway) would usually make me a bit bitter. And you'd think, with all my generalized feminist wordiness and rage against the machine brouhaha, I might be against the concept of Valentine's Day.

But I like pink, and I like chocolate, and I like roses, and I like love.

So I like Valentine's Day.

I also like this video, 'cause when I talk about my movie moments or fantasies, sometimes they start a little like this. I'd love to be this memorable.

Inspector Bo

Mr. Bo Obama inspects the White House holiday decorations and gives his approval.

LOOK AT HIS LITTLE FUCKING PAWS!!!!

OH MY GOD.

Dead.

Christmas Wonderland

Behold...my holiday paradise.

Tree loves the lights!

The Holiday Spirit

Oh, it's not December yet, you say?

WELL I DON'T GIVE A FUCK. IT'S CHRISTMAS TIME.

I didn't have much of the holiday spirit last year, sadly. And Christmas is my favorite. I wasn't quite sure why, it was as wonderful a holiday as any (expect no less when my mother is in charge), but I just didn't feel that magical wintertime frisson. It was all a bit blah. I think I have figured it out, though: I didn't decorate our family tree last year, and clearly, that is the activity that flips the Jolly Santa portion of my brain.

And it is flipped. I've started decorating my apartment (pictures to come soon!), and am listening to Christmas music. I feel all warm and fuzzy. I can feel myself being nicer to strangers. It's magical!

PSA: Don't ever try to drink champagne out of a bottle
with a straw. IT WILL BUBBLE UP IN YOUR FACE.

My mom and I participated in one of our new favorite holiday traditions last night, the Nordstrom Private Shopping Night. This is our...third or fourth time? The store closes to all the little people, and unless you have a card with them and your name on a list, you can't get in. My mom has a card, I don't, obviously, because I'm poor. Mama drove all the way down to LA and we went to the Westside Pavilion near me for their event. Sparkly lights and trees and red everywhere. Bow-tied servers with tasty appetizers. Cookies. Champagne. They had an awesome violin player playing with a DJ, and he was an adorable piece of jailbait. I mean, maybe he was legal, but I felt inappropriate perving on him, so regardless, he was an infant. My mom and I both got some Christmas shopping done, which was the goal of the evening. I figure you found a good present for someone if you would prefer to keep it for yourself, so I hope my sis likes part of her gift. I also made sure to point out a million different things to my mother with commentary along the lines of "you can buy me that." The holiday spirit is about giving and taking, yes? Yes.

When I got home from our excursion, I turned on all my freshly hung colorful lights and crawled into bed, completely giddy and feeling festive. I just...fucking love Christmas.

Thankful Thursday Thanksgiving

Happy Thanksgiving, my beautiful readers! It's a day of ritual sacrifice. With pie.

I do love me some Turkey Day. Such a splendid way to celebrate our country's history. When we're all done apologizing to the Native Americans (for the, you know, genocide) by watching a bunch of testosterone-fueled football players run into each other, we over-indulge our appetites and taste-buds in the glorious tradition of American gluttony. Stuffing. Turkey. Gravy. Pie. 

No, but seriously folks. This is a glorious holiday. For me, it's traditionally spent with just my immediate family, the people I love most in the whole wide world. With occasional boyfriend/coworker crashers. There are always puppies running around. My mother makes the most amaaazing food. In recent years, it's been drenched in delicious wine I can't afford and gratefully drink. We laugh a lot. We frolic. We go take a walk on the beach. And initiated by my mama, every year we go around the dining room table and share what we are thankful for.

I know that I am an incredibly lucky girl, and have so much to be grateful for. Yes, I may bitch and moan a lot, but I am so thankful for all that I have, and more than anything else I am blessed to have my family. I've known my whole life that I won the universal lottery to have been born with the parents I have, and to share them with that hilarious if infuriating sister of mine. My family is a group of wonderful, ridiculous, loving, kind and wacky people, and I wouldn't trade them for anything. 

What are you thankful for this Thanksgiving? Oh come on, you can think of something.

Other things I am thankful for:

• I have a job. Even if this job is newly infested with a new employee I want to suffocate with a pile of dirty laundry.
• I can pay my own rent. 
• I have supportive, caring, true friends --- and quality is more important than quantity. 
• I live in one of the most gorgeous cities on the planet, a place millions of people probably dream of living. There are always things to do and see and I am lucky to have the opportunity to explore them all. 
• I have my health. Of course I have my issues, but I have a working body and mind (usually) and that is something to be grateful for.
• I have the freedom and ability to make my own decisions.
• I have never been arrested for any of the illegal shit I do on a regular basis. *cough*
• I have early access to new movie releases sometimes.
• And I can fit into sample shoes when I'm shopping.
• ...I'm not totally ugly.
• They never found the body.
• Oh, and I have a fluffy nugget Tree to snuggle with always because he will never die.

Okay, well I guess I'm done.

I hope you all having a truly wonderful, warm, safe and happy holiday! 

xoxo

T

Halloweenie

I sort of failed at Halloween.

I meant to carve a pumpkin...and I didn't. I meant to go out into the world and rock a slutty costume...and I didn't. I meant to get into the spooky spirit...and I didn't, not really. I ate some Halloween themed cupcakes last week. That's about it. What a Halloweenie.

But today, I am a cat.

I am BUSINESS CAT.

Grooming myself.

BUSINESS CAT OUT
 DOING BUSINESS.

This is what happens when you can't get anyone to
take a picture of you.

Photographer found!

BTW, totally forgot this meme existed until AFTER I declared myself Business Cat.

Tonight, my college bestie is coming over to eat Emily Bites' sausage and pumpkin pasta, drink beer, and watch the best part of my childhood, "Hocus Pocus". If you haven't seen "Hocus Pocus", we are no longer friends, and I direct you to go here and learn about what you've been missing. I do disagree with one crucial point, my first crush was not Max Dennison but Thackery Binx. I just...I like cats.

I AM SO EXCITED I CANNOT CONTAIN MYSELF.

While the rest of you are out running amok, I'll be blissful in pajamas. No shame.

Happy Halloween!