Just A Little Lie In

Well, I was supposed to go on a nice healthy beach walk with my mama this morning.

But instead, I slept in until one pm like a lazyass.

Those posts you see below? Yeah, pre-scheduled.

Whoops.

Guess my sickly body needed the sleep.

"I'm doing all that I can..."

You know when you find those songs that just so perfectly describe a time in your life, you wonder if anyone else could ever relate to them the same way you do?

And you know when they happen to have your exact age in them, and how creepy that is?

Yeah, I always love that.

Not that that is currently happening to me. I mean, it did back in the day, but not now. I'm sure there are people digging Taylor Swift's "22" but alas it is not my jam.

I much prefer this kind of "22".

Not that I'm 22.

A Dog Story

I once saved a puppy from drowning in a pool.

For reals. I jumped in and saved her! I am pretty sure I was clothed at the time, but I can't promise you this. I was seven or eight. Can't remember.

Is this worthy of bragging rights? I ask for a reason.

Basically, I'm contemplating my online dating profile. The fated day approaches on the distant horizon. Is that the sort of hilarious fact one could share to entice the fellas? 

Probably not.

See, I could use the same profile I had last time, and clean up with the messages quite well I'm sure. It worked out for me in the past, got me plenty of attention. I actually got more than a few comments about my profile being "really funny, most girls aren't actually funny", which really annoys me as I know I've mentioned, but what can you do. 

But I don't really want to use the same profile because a of all, boring, and be of all, what if someone recognized it and was like, weren't you on here LAST YEAR? I mean, that would be creepy status, but whatever.

New profile, new name, fresh start, new fun facts.

I've lived in Belfast, was mugged in Paris, I'm a future sexy yoga teacher in training...

I...saved a dog from drowning?

Nah. 

I have to take out Bacon though. 'Cause if you Google that shit, I come right up.

Saturday Shots

I drove to SB for less than 24 hours for my sister's belated birthday. I would have gone for the whole weekend, but I already had plans with the college roommates that I was never going to cancel. To be honest, I was bitching about it, but I'm glad I did it, and I had a great night tonight and I'm glad I got to celebrate with her and make her happy.

Obviously, if I was going to be about and about for the day, I was going to get pretty. I even blow-dried my hair. Woohoo, celebrating self-shot Saturday!

I met up with my ladies at the Commons in Calabasas, which is a super fancy schmancy outdoor shopping mall. The Kardashians get photographed there and shit. The three of us had lunch at Marmalade Cafe and then mani/pedis. It was just a blast, I just love the both of them to pieces and when we get together it's like no time has passed at all, we're cracking jokes and making fun of each other like we're nineteen again.

(Remind me to tell you about the children of the corn sometime.)

It was nice being already a quarter of the way to SB, so the rest of the drive went quickly and I got to my folks' place and had a glass of wine in my hand before I knew it. Before we left for dinner my sister gave me my belated birthday present, which was incredibly thoughtful and definitely worth waiting for. It's a yoga bag from Lululemon for when I start my teacher training program, I can fit my mat underneath and still have room for my notebook and books and towel and water bottle. And it's PINK! I LOVE it and it was incredibly sweet and generous of her.

We went out to dinner for sushi at one of the best places in town, Arigato, which is always fun and delicious. We met up with a friend of my sister's boyfriend, who ended up being entirely charming, friendly, and winning in every way. My parents liked him. He had a beard. Did the dishes after cake. A+ to him all around. Crush worthy for an SB girl, I'd say.

Also, I took a shot of sea urchin and quail egg. Yeah.

After sushi, we went back to the house and opened my sister's gifts (Visa gift cards/cash), ate German chocolate cake, drank wine, played with dogs. The usual. Well, not the total usual, we drank the BEST red wine I think I have ever had. It seriously smelled like honey, it was amazing and sweet and delicious. I want to drown in it.

But I got way sleepy, due to the consumption of red wine vs. white, and refused the invitation to go out to the bars with the cool kids. I'm way too lame for that. Of course, a second wind came on, and then I blog.

Still, I drowsy like Dubsies.

Reward #5: Nail Me Twice, No Shame

So, I had a new necklace as my 147 goal. Then way before I hit 147, I ordered myself a little something on Etsy that took awhile to arrive from Mexico.

Rain drops keep falling on my head...

I knew it was going to arrive in the mail around the same time I reached my goal, so obviously a different new necklace was an insufficient reward. So I decided I wanted this, which I do still want real real bad, but today I went for a mani/pedi with College Roomie and Other College Roomie who is visiting from Seattle to celebrate CR's birthday, and I decided that should be my reward, along with the above necklace I purchased for no reason other than wanting to.

LOOK AT ME. FISCALLY MATURE. SO PROUD.

Besides, my 145 reward will be here before you know it...

Proof of loss, I do not have, because my toes were not painted and not pretty. Next time I'll prove it, swearsies.

145 - healthy BMI - Welcome mat.
142 - lowest weight - New comforter.
139 - new decade - Dye hair.
136 - original goal - Get a massage. (Removed a facial, I can do that whenever.)
132 - college weight - New purse.
130 - Final Goal! - SHOP!
Maintenance Goal - Tattoo

I'm An Adult

Did I tell you when I went to get my blood drawn a couple of weeks ago, amidst the drama about the wrong location and whatnot, there was a cute guy in the waiting room?

Of course, he was a teenager.

Perv.

Anyway, I realized this pretty quickly, because the woman he was with was not his girlfriend, but his mother. I didn't look too closely at her at first and assumed she was the former, until she started speaking and ordering him about and chastising him in a distinctly motherly fashion.

And then he started talking about class.

Yeah.

ANYWHO. So, the nurse takes me in after him, and the door to his room isn't closed and he's lying on the floor, apparently having not taken his blood drawing too well. I follow the nurse into my room after she slides his door shut, and she asks me how old I am (I guess not having read my paperwork?), before saying, "So you don't need a parent, then?"

I assume her reference is to the scene I'd seen, which in retrospect, you know, HIPPA?

"Oh, no, haha...I wish I had my mom with me, though..." I tried to make a joke. I probably should have worn makeup or you know...fashion.

"You look a lot younger!" She said, confirming my suspicions.

Freedom and Weightlessness

One way to think about losing weight is to think of it as shrinking. To think of it as losing yourself, bit by bit, weighing less, becoming less, lighter and lighter until you're practically air being whisked away by the wind.

Some people want to become weightless.

But I prefer to think of it a different way.

I'd rather think of losing weight as actually getting more solid. Building strength up so I'm steel instead of something fragile and broken letting pounds weigh me down. I'm not losing them, I'm letting go of them, setting them free, releasing them from my soul and from my body and I'm all the stronger for it, not the weaker or the lighter.

I'm losing weight, yes, becoming lighter literally, but that doesn't mean I'm losing any part of myself. I'm not becoming weightless, I'm becoming solid and grounded.

The less of me there is, the more of me matters.

Every bit that's left is going to count.

Deep thoughts for a Saturday morning.

The Good and the Bad: Weight Loss Edition (V.2)

V.1 is here.

Good things about losing weight:

• I feel so much healthier: physically, mentally, and spiritually.
• I can offer to go on a walk with my mom and not dread the exercise.
• I feel lighter when I move.
• I feel lighter in my heart.
• My arms are shrinking.
• My jawline is poppin'.
• My hipbones be fly.
• It's a sign that I've conquered some of my demons.
• It's proof I've developed positive habits.
• The looks I get from les hommes.
• The feeling I get when I strut down the street. 
• Being awesome.

Bad things about losing weight:

• Shirts that were cute ten pounds ago now make me look ten pounds heavier. What IS that?
• I burn less calories when I work out.
• I can't afford to buy myself rewards, but I do anyway because I have a problem.
• I actually do need to buy new clothes, and I do, because otherwise I look dumpy. What IS that?
• I'm worried I'm going to lose my boobs.
• I'm worried I won't know when to stop.
• I'm worried I'll plateau before I should stop.
• I feel a weird disconnected solidarity with people who are "overweight", and have strange thoughts, and I don't know how to feel about it.

Itty Bitty

This post is the complete opposite of this post. 

As I write, I am sitting on my bed, curled up in a ball with my knees tucked up against my chest. My arms are wrapped around my legs, hands on the keyboard, body scrunched in the littlest of ways. This is a completely unfamiliar, newly comfortable position.

It's been a long, long time since I've had the room for my legs here against my body, since my belly's has been small enough. Since my thighs have been able to rest this close together.

I feel almost...small.

I look down and I see the folds, the flab, the fat, sure. I know I still have a ways to go, my brain trips on the valleys and mountains.

But for once, I feel kind of itty bitty.

I may or may not feel beautiful.

Best. Day. Ever.

I think Gracie very much enjoyed her day as a working girl, though she didn't really do much.

She distracted the employees.

Put on her best CEO face and barked some orders.

Then gave me kisses.

And slept.

Overall, a productive day indeed.

Me? Oh, I actually worked. What a weird feeling.