Weekend Instagramming

What's SUP?

So there are two angles we could take on this post.

We could discuss how I spent way too much time and energy stressing over the planning of a work event yesterday (which inevitably went off without a hitch) and analyze why I let simple tasks overwhelm me so much, and why I'm such a fucking crazypants.

Or we could just look at pretty pictures.

Kryptonite Fail

So, I told y'all about my new admirer, he who only met me for a few hours before deciding I am his dream woman.

Well.

Look.

Yes, flowers are my kryptonite, but not when accompanied by a too sickeningly sweet card, when following days of over-the-top flattery and praise and pledges to "win me over".

I didn't know guys pulled these kinds of moves, honestly. There's no mystery here. No challenge. Just an influx of constant attention, and very little true interaction.

I just need to let him down easy.

'Cause this is getting ridic.

Uphill Climb

I don't like going uphill.

I've always known this, but it solidified on a hike with Mantana, a hike she swore "wasn't so bad" as we cruised there in the convertible. She told me did it for a run, speed walked up the hill to the top then jogged afterwards on the path coming down, did it in no time at all. 

Piece of cake.

Or not so much.

I was huffing and puffing halfway up, took a few breaks, and by the time we were nearing the top I was cranky. Because I do not like going uphill. And I do not like having to take breaks. And I do not like feeling fat. And I do NOT LIKE UPHILL.

Yet somehow, I've managed to convince myself I like hiking. I don't really know what that's about. 

The metaphor I'm seeing here: Making changes is a lot like going uphill. Doing things the same, day after day, is going with momentum. Down down down, into my hole, making the same easy, self-destructive choices that I always do. But making good decisions, healthy decisions...those take more effort. Effort I hate to expend. 

All decisions, all choices, they carry weight behind them. They matter. I either have to haul myself uphill with the weight of my good decisions, or let the bad ones pull me down with gravity. But either way, I feel a strain. I'm just going to benefit positively or negatively from it, grow or wilt away, let it build me up or tear me down. 

Going downhill isn't easy either, you know. You start to go faster than you want to, you skid and grasp at anything for a little balance, you claw at the trees and ground and rocks for purchase. It's hard on your joints, going downhill. It wears away at your spirit until you slump.

So, this ramble probably makes no sense. But my point is this. What I've been doing, this downhill slide...it hasn't been easy.

So let's try going uphill for awhile. I can take breaks, I can get cranky...but why not let the weight of my decisions make me stronger, not weaker? Why not change my direction, and try to see the view from the top again?

The Mind

Laborious Day

My labor day was...mildly laborious.

It started off with another epic day of sleeping in, I guess making up for you know...fourteen days straight of drinking. I'm pretty sure that happened. Yeah, my body has needed some rest. So I've given my self some selftime, good old-fashioned lazing. I mean, it's the end of my vacation.

Tomorrow it's back to...work.

But santosha, right? I'm going to try to be content. Not bitch and moan about goddamnIdon'twanttogoback.

No.

I'm half cleaning, half lazing. Enjoying the final, rapidly diminishing moments of my freedom.

And you know.

Cuddling with my cat.

Per usual.

A Recounting of Events: Hardly Complete

So, what exactly happened on my trip, you may be wondering. Or maybe you don't care, and it's just the narcissist in me assuming you do.

But you know me.

I like to talk.

1) In case you didn't notice in the picture post yesterday, I sorta pierced my tragus on impulse. Twice. I'm in love with it. I want more.

2) Someone kinda became smitten with me. Maybe more than smitten. It's baaaad. See, Mantana's friend apparently developed a crush on me awhile back from Facebook pictures, and so we all had dinner my last night in town. And now he's been inundating me with comments on FB about my, well, stunning beauty, and the like, and privates messages like, "Thinking of you, sweet, sexy girl!".  It's progressed to text messages, and he even invited to fly me to San Diego for a concert. I cannot make it, and probably wouldn't go regardless. I am learning there is such a thing as TOO much attention. He really is nice and cute, but I didn't really feel a spark...and yes, I tried to feel one. Ahem.

3) I did, however, feel a sparky connection with an older, Canadian businessman with an incredibly Canadian name. We had drinks. We laughed. Then this Canadian and his couple friends took us to three am Chinese food where they served us after hours alcohol called "cold tea" aka "beer", then adventures continued till sunrise. Whoops.

4) The next night, Mantana and I fell in love with a bartender. Fell. In. LOVE. It was our last night in Vancouver so we HAD to go out, even if it was in yoga pants and very little makeup, completely exhausted from a wild week of non-stop fun in Montana and a late night the night before. We picked a low key pub and two seats at the bar. Up walks the bartender, and...love. LOVE. He spent the whole night talking to us. First he proposed marriage to me for a green card, since I live in California and he wants to move there. Then he proposed to Amanda, for her lawyer status. LE SIGH. He made eyes at us. He smiled. FLIRTED.

Miss Mantana claimed him, which was only fair because it was her birthday. But oh dear god he was so brutally, blisteringly, devastatingly attractive. We sat at that bar till closing, till the lights came on. But I'm not allowed to talk about him, since he's been claimed, so we have to move on. Shh.

5) Oh, and I was ADVENTUROUS this trip. I went down the world's largest and tallest zip line. I went rock climbing on a boat. I cracked crab. I'm a little bad ass.

6) That is all...for now.

BoyTalk Texts: Cattin' Around Edition

Him: So you came back from your trip with a new piercing and a renewed love of country music. Anything else I should know?!

Me: ...I cuddled with another cat. Don't tell Bentley.

"Baby, you a song..."

Mantana and I listened to this song on repeat while driving in her hot ass yellow convertible Camaro, cruising around lakes, garnering the stares of every male on the sidewalk...

Not a bad life.

Morning in the Afternoon

After fifteen hours of sleep, it's September.

How is this year going by so fucking quickly?

Damn.

So, I ate some yogurt. I put a load of laundry in. I'm trying to clean. I'm going to yoga later with a friend!, and then we'll grab dinner. I'm having a life, today.

Or trying to, while slightly miserable.

It's fucking hot in LA, for one thing. I don't like. I miss the cool breezes off Alaskan waters.

Unedited, yo.

I'm fighting against familiar urges and patterns and thoughts. I want to do things. Bad things.

I'm hungry.

But, I'm finding peace. Or working towards it. This is just...life.

It's not so bad.