The Inner Struggle

I am such a contradiction, wrapped in an enigma, dipped in hypocrisy sauce, sauteed in confusion.

I want to believe in health at every size, fat acceptance, the idea that you don't have to be a twig to be beautiful. I try to love my body, my self, my flaws, my skin, every inch of my being. I post videos of women loving their bodies, no matter fat nor skinny, I rage on this society's fascination with the thin, and yet...I'm trying to lose weight.

I post about how excited I am to lose a freaking pound.

I'm in therapy for my disordered eating, still chasing some elusive body ideal.

I don't have a thesis statement on this. I just wanted to acknowledge that I see the ridiculosity.

I am ludicrous.