I'm not sure I'm ready yet, though.
What I learned post-Ginger and through my dating in 2012 is that when I'm interested in a guy, I wrap up way too much of my self-worth in their opinion of me. I'm quite the cliche like that. And when they reject me, as they inevitably do because statistically it's gonna happen, I'm crushed and then my confidence plummets and I eat. Which is just, again, straight out of some pathetic after school special. Must I be so Tori Spelling?
And too, when I would go dates, I would always be so consumed with whether or not the guy liked me, how did I look, was I being funny enough, did I have enough good stories to tell, putting on a performance---of course, this is all part of dating, but I would care way too much if I was impressing a guy even if I had no interest in him.
But, I've been working so hard on that. I really do feel like I'm at the point where I'm ready to look for someone that I'm interested in, and not just ready to seek out the attention of anyone that would have me.
Another thing that held me back from dating the past few months was the fact that I didn't enjoy the element of the "getting to know you" stage where you talk about, you know, your lives, and all I had to say was, "I kind of hate mine, and my job, and all that makes me happy is my cat, and eating." Who wants to spend time with that ball of sunshine?
But two things:
1) I've changed the way I talk about myself, and am trying to be less of a Negative Nancy.
2) I've changed my life, and have different things to talk about. Let's imagine for a second how much attention my profile will get with "yoga teacher in training" on there. HEYO!
Anyway.
Maybe I'm moving towards being ready to date again. I mean, I am content on my own, which was part of this whole endeavor. I know how to be single and happy as an individual. Or as part of a female/feline pair, as it were. And I'm focusing on my own issues, what I need and what I want. And that can continue, even if I am dating.
But another thing I worry about is that dating is going to distract me from this healthy lifestyle. I know, I know, you can't put your life on hold to lose weight, but I also don't want to throw myself out of my comfort zone all willy-nilly.
But like, use it or lose it, you know?
GAH.
I've said it before and I'll say it again now, I don't need an insta-relationship or someone to call my boyfriend or even someone to date longer than a couple of weeks. I just want to get out there, have some fun, meet some people and maybe make a connection that I've been missing for a really long time.
Soon. Not yet.
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