Tuesday, February 12, 2013


I just love when people make a driving maneuver that is so blatantly selfish, rude and illegal that you cannot help but laugh to keep from screaming obscenities at them. I especially love it when the car is plastered with Christian bumper stickers. YES, that is exactly how Jesus wants you to drive. LIKE AN ASSHOLE.

Hey, while we're talking about religion, if you haven't noticed, I'm not much of a religious person. At all. My parents raised my sister and I with just about zero exposure to it, save a few nighttime readings of bible stories at my request. There was a brief flirtation with Christianity when I was a pre-teen, when all my friends were going to bible camp and I wanted to go toooooo like all the cooooool kiiiiids. I spent a few summers loving the Jesus and reading the "Left Behind" books and begging my family to get saved so we could all party in heaven together. It didn't take long for my twelve year old brain to go, "Wait, I may be an awkward, roly-poly child with many years of celibacy ahead of her, but eventually I'd like to have some pre-marital sex and maybe make out with a chick, so I don't know if I'm down with this whole 'Christianity' thing, especially 'cause they just made me take a seminar on how to tell other people their religion is wrong ". There ended my brief self-identification as a Christian.

For a few years after that I called myself "spiritual". I wasn't quite sure what I believed but I was pretty sure I believed in God, and maybe Jesus too, but not all those silly rules, and maybe karma and also reincarnation sounded pretty cool. And fairies. Nowadays I'm not even sure if I believe anything, I guess agnostic is the appropriate term to apply to myself?

This whole post is leading up to my decision to give up Diet Coke for Lent despite my complete lack of Catholic faith.

Why? Because I don't want to. Because I am addicted to it. Because I don't think I'll actually be able to do it. Because it will be hard. Because I am ROTTING MY TEETH. Because plenty of other people give shit up for Lent that aren't Catholic, so why shouldn't I join the fun? Or the lack of fun, as it were.

So, yeah. Starting tomorrow, no Diet Coke until Easter. That's right, right? When this Lent business ends? I should probably look that up.

After I'm done chugging this last can of crack.

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