Friday, November 9, 2012

Ridiculous Shit I Did Today

Per usual, I engaged in some questionable behavior today.

Let's assess.

  • Had to have a homeless guy help me put air in my car tires because I am a useless creature and had no idea how to do it myself. I'm a pathetic excuse for a feminist.
  • Got a call from a restaurant confirming a reservation for tomorrow under my father's name. "Why the hell would my dad give them my number?" I wondered to myself as I rattled off his contact information. Only once I hung up did I remember I actually have plans with my parents tomorrow, and that would be why the restaurant had my number. Durrrrr.
  • Watched a puppy chase a laser pointer for a good five minutes. It was more hilariously entertaining than it really had any right to be. 
  • Waited in line 5x longer than necessary at Trader Joe's because the adorable elderly couple in front of me was taking forever, and I didn't even think about switching lines until three people had finished in the lane next to me. Because I am not smart.
  • Let my shopping cart roll into the side of my car. And NOT the side of the car that's already damaged, of course.
  • Went home at lunch, stripped off all my clothes and got in bed for 30 minutes of snuggling with the cat. Then got up, got dressed, and returned to the office. 
  • Thought I had a gray hair. Turned out to be a cat hair. In my hair.
  • Fantasized about having a husband not because I particularly want a husband, but because then we might have a house and a yard and adopt a bunch of abandoned doggies with disabilities. My fantasies are very specific.
  • Got off a work call with a snooty, unpleasant woman by saying "Have a great day!" in a sickly sweet voice, before finishing with "you biiitch" once she hung up. 
  • Called my cat a Communist.
  • Called my cat a whiny little pussy.
  • Threw a piece of mail at a coworker and when he asked if I was mad at him I said if I was I would have thrown it at his face.

You know, on second thought, I was remarkably well-behaved for a Friday. 


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