When I first started on Weight Watchers at the beginning of this year, I had a Google email draft that was my very best friend. I keep all my important shit in my drafts folder, by the way. Am I the only one who does this? I have 25 drafts full of the most random nonsense, I keep my to-dos and schedules there, quotes, website links...it's really useful! I swear!
Anyway, like I was saying, I had a draft. This draft was the home of my "Goals and Rewards". I carefully charted out milestones for myself, like losing 10 or 20% of my body weight, getting back to my high school weight, losing 25 lbs, etc etc, and gifted myself rewards when I hit each goal. My heart-rate monitor, a mani/pedi, new hot yoga towels, so on and so forth. I took such nerdy pleasure in marking off the goals I reached, and planning out my treats. As I have shared with you before, I am a planner. I love me a schedule. Or a list. Or a goal.
Well, I hit the last goal/reward I'd set (excluding my "ultimate goal") about four months ago. I just thought I'd lose another 20 lbs, and that would be that. But I have not made an ounce of progress since, and in fact, have gained some back. A lot back. Which is awful.
I feel there may be a correlation.
I stopped giving myself the opportunity to celebrate. I stopped rewarding my hard work. I stopped having things to move towards, I stopped having moments where I relished in my success and just felt proud. Without that self-created motivation, I totally lost my drive. (Which, yes, does not bode well for when I get to where I want to be and have no more weight to lose, but we'll cross that bridge when we get there.)
This morning, I weighed in at 161. I didn't want to put that number out into the world, and I want to insist to you that at least a few pounds of it must be sodium, because that's 17 lbs higher than my lowest weight this year, 8 lbs in a week, and that's not even possible, right? RIGHT?! Ugh. Gross. I really did not want to confess to this. But what's the point in lying to you all about just how much I've backslid? It won't help me in the end. And really, what did I expect after I ate a jar of Nutella with a spoon like it was ice cream? Oh, such a fatty at heart. What's really fucked up is I don't even see a difference on my body, 'cause I got to the point where I was loathing myself so much I stopped seeing all the positive changes.
Girl, you need a slap.
Actually, what I think I need is a new start, a reboot, and some fresh perspective. I need to recommit, to start following the program again like it's my very first time, and celebrate every loss and choice and moment of my life. I stopped being proud of my progress and myself, and that's why I lost sight of what's important.
So! Today is Day #1. Today is fresh and new and shiny and nothing that happened until today matters, not one bit. It's been wiped away. Tabula rasa. Smack my ass into shape.
I'm feeling ready. I'm feeling centered. It's after noon and I've yet to find myself crying in a corner with a mouthful of Cheetos, so we have made progress. It's on.
If you're curious about the changes and goals I'm making follow me behind the cut...
What I'm changing:
*My weigh in day will be Friday, instead of Wednesday. Gives me a fresh start for the weekend! And I'm sick of Wednesdays.
*I am going to try really really hard to only weigh myself once a week, at least for the rest of this year.
*I am upping my daily points from 26 to 28. WW tells you you can adjust between 26-29 to see what works best for you, and I think giving myself a little extra cushion every day will help prevent feeling deprived. And this will ensure that I'm getting all my GHGs every day, or my "good health guidelines". WW tells you to spend 2 points per day on healthy oils, like olive, but I hate having to do that. Now I will force myself to. If my losses are slow, I'll drop the extra points.
*I'm going to be more accountable to my readers here, and post Friday updates about what I've done that week. If I know I've committed to posting about my work outs and weigh ins, hopefully I will not cheat myself.
*For now, I am going to work out 3x a week. That is SUCH a manageable goal. Anything beyond that is just extra. 3x week for 60 min, I can handle that. But I think I will start coming up with exercise/calorie burning challenges for myself, to keep my momentum going forward, and so I can find success in things other than my weight.
(Rewards yet to be decided!)
154 - 5% loss -
149 - back to the 140s -
145 - healthy BMI -
142 - back where I was -
139 - new decade -
136 - original goal -
132 - college weight -
130 - Final Goal! -