Tuesday, November 20, 2012

How To Clean Your Apartment

1) Prepare for the challenge ahead. Visualize yourself cleaning like the good little housewife you aspire to be.

2) Enter your apartment, and DO NOT SIT DOWN. If you sit down, you will not be productive.

3) Sit down. Tell yourself the next time you stand up, you will start cleaning.

4) Suffer through having to pee for twenty minutes because you don't want to get up and have to start cleaning.

5) Finally go to the bathroom.

6) Figure because you're already in your bathroom, you might as well take a nice shower.

7) Stand in the shower for fifteen minutes after you've finished scrubbing and shaving, because it's sooooo warm and you don't want to clean.

8) Force yourself out of the shower and immediately get distracted by your face in the mirror, which needs close and thorough inspecting.

7) When you're done evaluating your face, put your towels and clothes in the laundry basket and celebrate your success by taking a break.

8) Set the timer on your phone for 15 minutes and swear swear swear you will start cleaning when it goes off.

9) Two hours after you got home, finally start tidying. Immediately get distracted by something to play with.

10) Give up and decide you'll just clean tomorrow.

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