I guess I'll just share them on the Internet.
1) There are now signs in my work kitchen that request you put your dishes in the dishwasher, so if you don't, you are officially just a willfully stupid asshole. And I hate you.
2) Just because we are friends, does not mean you are allowed to take your bad moods out on me. Stop snapping at me. I do not like it and it makes me feel hurt feelings.
3) Do not try to manipulate me by being a passive-aggressive little bitch, it won't work, I will not care, and it will just make me hate you. Act like a fucking man.
4) If you don't actually want any advice, or you're planning to come up with an excuse for every suggestion I have, then why are you asking me? It's a waste of my time and I get so very irritated, so very quickly.
5) There is absolutely no reason to have that one in your voice when you talk to me. I am not stupid, and do not need to be condescended to. Treat me like a person. FUCK.
That is all. For now.