I've turned my crazy over to the care of a trained professional.
It went like this: called that therapist I mentioned, who focuses on eating disorders, who didn't have any availability right away. But a couple of weeks later she called me back, and we scheduled an initial consultation. Turns out? Her office is literally two doors down from my apartment building. I will call that fate, absolutely. Also fate is that I really like her, and I've seen her six times now and I really see it being beneficial to me.
Therapy: pay $25 an hour to cry. I like it.
Thus far, we have discussed the following:
*Wow, girl, you are really hard on yourself.
*Seriously, tone it down a notch, perfection is not the only goal.
*Things you do not handle well: rejection, disappointment, hope, and expectations.
*You feel most emotions, positive or negative, as anxiety. Which is weird, yo.
*You use to food to suppress emotion. No duh.
*Perhaps, you may be depressed?