On The Radar

I got into a fascinating discussion with a friend the other day that almost became a "girltalk texts" post. But I realized I had more thoughts to share, as I usually do, and thus: a ramble.

Our thesis is this: men have a radar for clingy just like women have a radar for creepy.

Get it? Doesn't that make a whole lot of sense?

As a lady myself I can say from experience, with most guys, it's obvious right off the bat.

There's a vibe you get, a gut feeling; there's a shiftiness in their posture or an instability in their gaze that signals immediately, without question, "I am creepy." Sometimes they're perfectly nice otherwise. They may have a big kind heart, the best of intentions, no dead squirrels posed above their bed, no stack of over the top fetish porn lovingly cataloged by size of breast, who knows.  But you can just tell, from the slightly uneasy feeling you get in your core when they look at you a little too intently....creeper.

Usually, we can sense this creepiness immediately. I myself can pick out a creep just based on a photograph, so finely tuned is my radar. But then there's the other kind. The stealth breed. The ones that seem normal, at first. Maybe they've practiced. Maybe they're just a sociopath. But their creepiness doesn't emerge for awhile, it's suppressed through the first date, maybe the second, and is only unleashed once you actually start to like the dude. And then, BAM. Creepy. An affinity for stuffed animals arranged alphabetically by their Christian name, an entirely too close relationship with his mother, suppressed rage at his elementary school teacher who humiliated him. Very disturbing.

Obviously, my lack of dick limits my insight into the male side of this discussion, but I'll give it a go.

If women are most turned off by that slight "off" vibe that signals a guy is not trustworthy, then guys are similarly turned off by the vibe that a girl is desperate. We all have that girl friend who is gorgeous and smart and funny, and yet can't seem to get past the first or second date. Why? 'Cause every guy senses that your friend, as wonderful as she may be, wants herself a damn boyfriend, and she does. Not. Care. WHO.

Ways dudes pick up on this desperation:

*A text immediately after the date ends. Doesn't matter the content, but if a guy has three texts from someone on his phone before he even gets home from the date, his radar will be pinging.

*Making future plans before you've even ordered dessert.

*Giving him a nickname.

*Talking about all the failed dates you've been on this month.

*Talking about your friends' husbands ad infinitum.

*Proposing.

Most guys will run screaming in the other direction at the slightest hint of clingy. Doesn't matter how hot the clinger is, most men get that signal on their radar and they immediately flee, just like I flee from a creeper. 

And there you have it. Our thesis.

Do you agree?