Monday, March 11, 2013

Vegas: The Recap

I am home.

I am practically almost human again, maybe, if you ignore my smoker voice and my inability to get out of bed on time.

I am so, so happy.

One million and a half thank yous to my Biff and the Married Lady (who could probably use a better identifier, Buff? Let's go with Buff, since she's a marathoner and all) for a seriously amazing birthday weekend. They were oh so sweet to me and we just had THE BEST TIME EVER. I love them so much.

I'll start from the beginning.

The road trip there was a grand time, of course. AND BEAUTIFUL. I couldn't get over it. Big storms came to Southern California and Nevada this weekend, and Thursday night a clap of thunder exploded so loudly directly above my apartment that both Biff and I woke up. The skies were gorgeous the entire drive, and all the mountains were capped with snow.

Oh yeah, and it was fucking freezing. My car said so, with a snowflake. And you know...SNOW ON THE GROUND.

We stopped for lunch at the In and Out in Barstow, the land of the magical two women's restrooms. Cheeseburger, protein style, animal style. OMNOMNOM.

We made great time on the drive and got checked into the hotel just a little bit before Buff arrived from the airport. We were at the Flamingo, 'cause it's cheap and pink. And I do love pink. We ended up with a view of the Strip, which was awesome!

Then we dumped all our clothes on the bed and played dress up like the five year olds we are at heart. Vegas isn't Vegas if you don't end up wearing something of someone else's.

We decided to leave the comfort of our tacky amazing hotel room with its hot pink dead muppet blankets and go hunt down food. Lo and behold, there was a pizza place right by the elevator, and our journey did not take very long. We were back on our beds eating delicious pizza and drinking delicious mixed drinks provided by Buff's homeowner bar of booze within minutes. FYI: Vanilla vodka and Hoegaarden? Tasty.

Then we got pretty.

The Biff and I played with hair chalk, and I made a giant fucking mess and had a bit of a meltdown (maybe my drugs are out of balance), but went and mediated in a corner and was fine again. But yeah, hair chalk? More trouble than it's worth. Or maybe the set I bought on Dealfind is cheap. Or maybe I was way too enthusiastic.

But you have to wear gloves while you do it, and they were BLUE.


If you get this reference,
two points to you.

So yeah, I had pink hair for a night! And check out the beautiful earrings my Buff blonde beauty gave me for my birthday! Exactly my style, and PINK!

Our first night out was so much fun! We went to Tryst at the Wynn, which is one of our usual haunts, 'cause we know a promoter and it's usually a good time. Free drink tickets, no line, no cover... Per usual, we hooked up with a bachelor party with bottle service, and we finally realized we should probably stop trying to figure out who the bachelor is, and asking him about his wedding: they don't like it. Unlike women, who display their bridehood with tiaras and sashes or, in one lady's case, a FULL ON BRIDAL GOWN, men want to pretend they are not getting married. The hot blonde bachelor said to my Biff, "If you know I'm the bachelor, why are you talking to me?" Like she was a devil temptress sent to harass. Hilarious.

In the morning, the Buff went for a run, 'cause she'd a goddamn lunatic. I lounged in bed but had trouble sleeping, 'cause I'm old now and the second the alcohol leaves my system, I'm up. 

We lounged in bed for awhile, guzzled Gatorade, gossiped, and groused. 

Then we went to the buffet. And it was delicious.

There were mini pot pies.

Then back to bed with our lazy butts. Lounging. At one point the married one was texting her husband and he asked what we'd done that day. 

"Went to the buffet."



After a day of napping and chatting, we did take one field trip out of the hotel and went across the street to the mall at Caesar's to look for a) double stick tape b) lip gloss and c) bra, one item for each of us. It was a long and treacherous journey but we made it. By the end the sun was down and people were emerging in suits and glitter, and we were still in our lazy finest, and it was shameful. It's hilarious the difference in the effort we put forth between, oh, four PM and ten PM. From no makeup and sweats to layers of spackle and spray. 

When we re-emerged again a few hours later, we earned a round of applause as we walked back through the casino, so I guess we improved. 

We started at Tryst again, 'cause why not? More drink tickets! I went to the bathroom, and while I was gone we were apparently pimped out by a bouncer to yet another bachelor party. Canadians, this time. They were all total sweethearts and we had a blast dancing with them, then decided to head over to another club in the same hotel, Surrender.

I imagine Surrender is a lot more fun in the summer when it's warmer as it is all outside, but it was really pretty. A huge pool with tons of private cabanas, then big dance floors and such. We didn't stay long once we found our promoter and said hi, 'cause the mood was pretty mellow. We tried to get into XS, but they think way too highly of themselves and we didn't have some necessary THIRD HAND STAMP from Tryst, so they wouldn't let us in without a $20 cover. And I don't pay no cover, I highly doubt your club is $20 worth of fun.

We went back to Tryst, and our Canadians were SO HAPPY TO SEE US. 

And we danced, and drank champagne, and chatted, and the energy was awesome, and we had such fun.

The Biff and the Buff and I are all on the exact same page as far as party personality and style, which just works out so well for Vegas, which can get too crazy. We were always ready to go out at the same time, and leave at the same time, and do the same things. And they put so much care and thought into making sure I had the greatest time. LOVE THEM.

Honestly, despite my prediction, my hangovers weren't that bad. I drank plenty but I wasn't shitfaced, and I stayed hydrated, go me. The badness only came from lack of sleep. So the drive home was uncomfortable but not torturous, though the last hour or so got a bit dicey...the car would drift...

That is all I can remember, for now, for my recap. Oh yeah, I smooched another Canadian. Middle Eastern and quite hot, though then I started talking to his friend and liked him better and was like "damn, this is why you don't pick so early". Oh, and HOW AWESOME ARE MY PINK SHOES? They gave me blisters, but really they were not that bad considering they're bigger than my head. And my oh my did I let off some necessary steam. And I should really unpack tonight.

And I love my Biff and my Buff.

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