I decided on Tuesday not to weigh in this week, after I got a little bingey in the afternoon after yoga and a lot bingey into the evening. Poutpoutpout. AND MY STREAK OF AWESOME WAS OVER. I don't know what was going on in my brain, I'm trying to figure it out and am getting nowhere. Clearly the flexibility I gave myself in Vegas opened up a door that let self-doubt and defeat and old habits of crazy creep in, and I spiraled a bit. A lot. I knew exactly what was going on, I told myself all the right things and was gentle with myself, but I couldn't stop it. Didn't want to, clearly. I was so sure I'd right myself on Wednesday, and I didn't. And my birthday was better, but still not great. I didn't go back to McDonald's or anything, I wasn't completely abusive to my body or my soul. But still.
This be me.
Like, on Tuesday, after my usual breakfast I ate:
(at work)
*A Lean Cuisine
*Multiple bags of Cheetos and other chips
*A bag of Nilla wafers
*A handful of Starbursts
(at home)
*Three quesadillas with cheddar and goat cheese and guacamole
*Cinnamon graham crackers with half a tub of fat free cream cheese mixed with powdered sugar (why? because that's why you do when you binge, eat weird ass shit.)
I mean, compared to what I used to eat, not so bad. But come on now, so unnecessary.
Wednesday there were irresistible free desserts for Wednesday lunch, more Cheetos, and at night was high-sodium birthday sushi, and Thursday was sort of okay, cookies and crunchy things and seaweed snacks and salad with too much cheese, pretty restrained, relatively speaking for a birthday. I didn't even have any birthday cake. It's highly unlikely I would have seen a loss this week and I really, really didn't want to see a gain. For my mental health.
So my scale is in my trunk. Metaphorically, not literally, 'cause I actually have had no desire to peek. We'll see what it has to say for itself next week. Hey look, I'm a poet. AND I KNOW IT.
Oh, and by the way, I'm thinking my aversion to strenuous exercise yesterday could also have had something to do with my poor eating. Proper fuel is important. NOTE TO SELF.
Goals?
1) Have the best fucking time in Vegas and on your birthday, and eat delicious things, but don't go fucking insane like you're never going to eat again. Just indulge like a normal person. (You betcha! I mean, sort of. I did great in Vegas, but I did go into bingey mode.)
2) Go to yoga three times. (Well, twice, but double yoga yesterday. So yes?)
3) Read a fucking book, seriously, what is wrong with you, YOU LIKE READING. (Yes, FINALLY.)
4) Practice yoga at home. (Did some vinyasas Friday night in Vegas with the Strip sparkling in front of me. It was a nice way to stretch after the drive. My body asked, I gave.)
5) Knit something. (Nope.)
And goals.
1) Go to yoga three times. (Once again, I'll be gone for the weekend so probably can't get there more than that.)
2) Read another book. (Reading is good for me.)
3) Knit something.
4) Stay 100% OP.
5) Track everything.
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