I had a few moments when I was in Vegas that just made me feel awesome. I am back to getting validation and positive reinforcement from internal and external sources, independent of the number on the scale, which is so fantastic and makes me feel so good. Those are the things that will keep me constantly moving forward, and those are the things that I need to hold on to and remind myself of when shit gets hard. Regardless of the number going up or down or staying the same, what really matters is how I feel inside and what I see when I look at myself, body and soul.
So, non-scale victories! Let's discuss.
1) When I was in the shower Friday morning before the road trip, I was bent in half, shaving the backs of my thighs. Which I rarely do, 'cause who ever encounters the backs of my thighs? Exactly. So, I'm contorted awkwardly, face to flesh with a rarely-seen body part, and it looked...different. I narrowed my eyes. I cocked my head. Is that...what is that?
It took me a minute to figure it out.
It was a muscle. I HAVE FREAKING THIGH MUSCLE DEFINITION.
2) My eating in Vegas was definitely a NSV in and of itself, but there were certain moments I can point to where I'm like, LOOK AT ME GO! When we were on our drive, and we opened up a bag of Doritos and I just had a few to satisfy my craving, and stopped without any internal fighting. I was just done. When Buff brought frozen yogurt up to the room for me and the Biff, I had a few bites then decided I didn't need any more. Not because I'd had too much to eat already that day, or out of some silly self-denial---just 'cause I didn't want any more, so I stopped. I'm learning to listen to my body's cues, and that's amazing.
3) The first night we were there, just as we were getting ready to leave, I was staring at myself in the full length mirror in the bathroom and drunkenly announced, "I have never felt this skinny. I mean, I know I've weighed less, but I have never looked this damn good." I mean granted, I was wearing Spanx, but I'll take it.
4) I also drunkenly proclaimed my body "More like Kim Kardashian than Kate Moss and I AM OKAY WITH THAT! Even though I HATE KIM KARDASHIAN!" God, I was probably so obnoxious. Sorry, friends.
5) Quite honestly, I don't remember ever getting as much attention from dudes as I did this weekend. But more than that, I've never accepted attention the way I did this weekend. Usually my inner dialogue after a guy says something like, "Hey, you're going the wrong way beautiful!" when I walk past would be "Oh, he's making fun of you" but my brain didn't play those mean tricks on me this time. I took a compliment as truth and it made me glow. I accepted double takes and sideways glances as praise, not insults, and they gave me a little extra wiggle in my step. And it felt amazing.