March Recap

Birthday month is over, folks.

Let's have a moment of silence.

...

And we're done.

We have things to discuss, though. Oh, so many things. Fascinating things. Things of an administrative nature.

1) You probably didn't notice unless you're reading my blog as closely as you know, me, but I took the Lululemon pants off my reward list, and didn't explain why. Shame. Well, my ever so kind parents gave me a Lulu gift card for my birthday, and I got a head to toe new outfit! I even posted a picture of me in the outfit, but didn't mention it. For shame! It's hot as fuck, no?

2) I got business cards made for da blog. For FREEEE. I haven't decided what to DO with them yet, per se, but I will have them.

3) I updated some of the pages above, and added links to my links, Pinterest, Last.fm and Twitter (which I rarely use, but maybe I will start).

4) I made a new button! If you have your own site and wish to link to my Crazy (it deserves a capital, wouldn't you say?), here's a button, button whose got the button?

5) My secret goal for the month was 5 posts per day, every day, and I hit it. Boom. Granted, I caught up the other day with 10 posts, if you were wonder why I was so damn prolific.

Sunday Funday

I did not turn on the television today.

GASP.

If you have seen my parents' television, you know what an impressive feat this is. That thing is a beast. I don't think they make a fancier TV than this. It calls to me in the mornings, beckons me from bed, keeps me up at night..."watch me"...

But I have resisted all day. I wrote and wrote, I napped, I took the Dubs for a walk, I made myself healthy meals chased with Cadbury creme eggs of various sizes, I had a "me" day free from the devil box.

Well, that devil box at least. My laptop devil box was all up in my business.

Pictures, you say?

Sure.

Hindsight

I apologize in advance for the vagueness of this post. I'm pretty damn open on this here blog of mine, but there are some things I'll still create an air of mystery around. Just to make myself seem a tiny bit interesting.

One of the hardest things I struggle with is knowing that I can trace a lot of the disappointments or difficulties of my life to one decision I made when I was too young and stupid to know any better. I know a lot of people would argue with me, and say that that isn't possible, and too many factors go into what makes up a life to let one decision have that much power, but I would disagree. One thing can make all the difference.

I can say without a doubt, unequivocally, there is one choice I made that carved out a path that led me to a situation that affected my life irreparably. Damaged it, one could say. Affected every chance I had from there on out, and influenced each and every choice I make now and in the future.

I often wonder how my life would be different, had I not made that one decision. Who would I be now? What would my life be like? Would I be happier? Hindsight is 20/20, blahblah, and yes, if I could go back and have a life do-over, I wouldn't make that choice. But what I'm trying to do now, after years of wishing that one thing away, is try to accept that it will never be. I am trying to not want life to be different, or better, or perfect.

Trying.

I am who I am, and I am growing to like that person. Working on it, every second of every day, pouring all my energy into that project, more dedicated to it than I ever was to my education. And I wouldn't be me if I had not faced the challenges I have faced, and maybe I would maybe not have the empathy I have, or the sense of humor, or the close relationship with my mother, or my Biff, or my blog, or who freaking knows?

But maybe I wouldn't have the anxiety. Or the depression. Or the compulsion to eat.

I used to go to bed every night and think maybe, just maybe, I'd wake up in the morning and get to start over again. I'd get to live the last five years over again, six years, seven. I was old enough to know better, way too old to cling to some idea of magic or genies or wishes granted, but I hoped. Hoped I could get rid of this albatross, this disappointment, this heavy weight of shame.

At this point, though, this decision of mine is almost a decade old. I have to move past the regret of it. Regret gets you nowhere and gets you nothing, except bitterness.

I don't want to be bitter.

I can't change anything. I can't sit around regretting my mistakes, hating myself for them. All I can do is attempt to learn from them, look at the silver lining, try to tap into that optimism I know is innate to my personality, and realize everything in life is meant to be. That is my mother's favorite platitude, and I will admit it sometimes drives me crazy when she uses it at a time I'm particularly disappointed, but it's true, isn't it? What is meant to be will be, and the mistakes of my past do not define my future. A choice made when I was sixteen does not dictate the happiness I have now.

In hindsight, I could change my entire path, but would I want to if it would take me away from where I am now? Maybe I shouldn't be so quick to say I would. Maybe the new pictures I put on my wall are more than just cliches, and every little thing is going to be all right, because my journey is unfolding exactly as it should be. 

For The Biff

Yoga Favorites

I've talked to you all about my goals, and my fears, so I figured it's time to share some of my yoga favorites.

Poses

*Crescent pose...I feel strong and powerful and centered, at least when my balance is on.

*Half pigeon...sometimes I could sleep forever. The hip stretch feels so gooood.

*Half moon...sometimes I don't need to have my hand on the floor, and I feel like I'm flying.

*Camel...first a fear, now a love. I get so excited when the instructor calls it out, it gives me such a rush of adrenaline now, and I get another when I come out of the pose.

*Tree pose...my absolute favorite. It's just what I always thought of when I thought of yoga, and I love when my balance is centered and I can look towards the sky. And I love my kitty Tree.

*And of course...savasana.

Moments

*The seconds just before class starts, when the teacher enters the room and the class starts to fall silent, and there's a breath, and the energy builds, and I know soon I'm gonna be enveloped in heat and stretch and bliss.

*When I pop up into my first downward dog of the day and my heels almost reach the floor, and I know it's going to be a good practice.

*When I do something I've done a hundred times before, and it's suddenly easier, or I'm stronger, or it's just one day there.

*Any time the instructor calls out a favorite pose.

*The moments when I realize class is half over and I haven't had to rest yet.

*Bowing forward at the end of class, repeating "namaste" with the other students, and feeling a swell of pride at what I've done for myself for the last hour.

Easter Morning

Twenty five years old, and my mother still makes me an Easter basket. Despite our lack of religion, or observation of any other Easter tradition. 'Cause she's the best mommy in the whole wide world, obviously.

• An extremely generous Bed, Bath, & Beyond gift card to pair with one from my grandma, to buy new towels and other exciting things for my apartment. You know you've been domesticated when that titillates you as much as a shoe purchase.
• Much needed Neutrogena makeup remover wipes.
• Delicious pomegranate and citrus scented bath products.
• Cadbury creme eggs, 'cause everyone knows my love for them. My Biff also gave me a package of minis last night. And I already ate a box by myself this week. I need to freeze some of these to enjoy throughout the year, when they are scarce and I'm deprived. 

Thank you, Mom!

Post-Drunk Rain

As most of my friends know, when I've had a night of drinking, I pretty much wake up the second the alcohol leaves my system. Which is why in Vegas, I was awake at ungodly hours, and that's why I was up before 8 today.

But I'm okay with it. Because it's beautiful and rainy outside.

Yeah, I said it. It'll clear up later to take Deuce for a walk, for now I'm enjoying it from bed.

And I will nap later.

Unedited.

Doppelganger

Whoa.

Check. This. Out.

Is that not just about the coolest, weirdest thing you've ever seen?

It is. I know it is.

I'll leave you with that gift. I'm off to go drink beer and hopefully flirt with boys. If none of them will have me, the Biff will have to flirt with me. She's been warned.

Hot on the Mesa

For years, the only hot yoga Santa Barbara had was a Bikram studio on Upper State. I definitely intended to try Bikram at some point, but I'll be quite honest with you---I'm afraid. I'm afraid of the 90 minute classes, the rigid structure of the practice, and even more honestly, I have a really weird hang-up/anxiety about the carpet in the studios. Isn't that...gross? Sweaty carpet? I don't know. I definitely want to try it, I just haven't allocated the funds yet. But the international Bikram headquarters are right down the street from my office, and Bikram himself teaches there when he's in town, so I will make it a point to have him teach my first class.

I'm getting off track.

Right, Santa Barbara has a Bikram studio, but no other hot yoga. Lo and behold, CorePower is opening a studio in June! Yay! And, equally as exciting, a new studio opened just recently exactly halfway between my parents' house and the Biff's house. And considering we live a one song drive apart, that's pretty damn close.

Today we decided to try Mesa Hot Yoga together. This was the Biff's first attempt at hot yoga, and I lent her my brown towel, so we each had the best kind of towel possible for our practice!

The class we took was called "Jammin", which as you may have guessed from the name, was full of Bob Marley and reggae music. Sold! The temperature at this studio is lower than I'm used to, 92-95, but it was glorious. The studio itself was so beautiful, on the second floor with an amazing view, bright and airy and sunny. And he instructor was amazing, I loved her guided breathing and the different flows she led us through and I left feeling like exhilarated jelly. I bought a package since they were running a 50% off deal for their opening, so I am definitely going again next weekend!

After yoga, we indulged in brunch at our spot just across the street, Mesa Cafe. Mmmm BISCUITS.

Then it was puppy play time at SBCC. It is so freaking gorgeous out this afternoon, after a gloomy morning. We laid on a hill for ages, just soaking in the sun.

Unedited.

Oh, and I don't have a picture of this, but I wore sexy shirts today, both to yoga and to SBCC. Open back and open sides. HOT.

Now, I nap. After the Biff works tonight, we're going out downtown, and I need my beauty rest after this morning's events.

"Bless my heart and bless my mind..."

Spring Has Sprung

*Of course, not today in Santa Barbara. It's gloomy. Just...generally.

A Dog Sitting Morning

5:07 AM     Wake up with 60 pound dog on your feet.
5:22 AM     Wake up with 60 pound dog in your face.
6:44 AM     Wake up when Dog jumps down off the bed, take him upstairs to go to the bathroom.
7:01 AM     Dog jumps off the bed again. You ignore him, 'cause Dog already went potty.
7:05 AM     Dog starts to puke. You leap out of bed and let him out the front door, sparing the carpet too much damage.
7:15 AM     You finish removing the stain from the carpet.
7:30 AM     Dog finishes acting like he has to be sick again, and finally lays down. You are now awake for the day.

Time for Trade

Tonight was my first yoga for trade shift at my studio! From here on out (or until they fire me, or I decide I'd rather pay $100+ bucks a month again instead of working on Friday nights) I will be cleaning the studio three hours a week in exchange for unlimited yoga.

Pretty solid deal, right? It works out to be more than $10 an hour, or if I go 3+ times a week, one class per hour, and I'm hoping it'll get me more involved in the community, and maybe I'll even make a FRIEND. Just one. I'm not greedy.

And my prediction came true. I knew I'd be working with a guy, and I figured he'd be hot and have lickable abs. Yup. Hot, as most yoga boys seem to be, and nice. And since there were two of us, there was less work overall. It got to be about 7, and he asked me if I was planning to take a class.

"We can...we can DO THAT?!" My mouth dropped open.

So I did. Two classes in one day.

Unfortunately, I didn't have my shit together in time to do the 7:15, which would have been my preference (my stuff was in the car, as I didn't think I'd be practicing), so I did the 7:30 sculpt with him. Well, not WITH him, he was in the front and I was in the back, but you know.

1) Laid down most of the time.

2) 'Cause this teacher was fucking BRUTAL. Without a doubt the hardest teacher at the studio, he was seriously kicking everyone's ass, no matter how in shape they were. Honestly, he wasn't really to my taste, very "gym" in tone, like "one two three vinyasa!",  but he was really nice and positive, maybe I'll try his classes again but NOT sculpt for awhile!

After class, my fellow cleaner finished his shift, and I mopped down the floors, dragging my already exhausted ass around with a mop.

Just as I was telling the instructor that my nickname is "Hurricane Taylor" because I make a mess wherever I go, I spilled the entire bucket of soapy water all over the studio floor.

That was fun.

I'm such a disaster.

I'll confess, I was having major anxiety all day about tonight. I had convinced myself I'd forgotten everything I'd learned at the training, everything I know about how to clean, how to be a responsible adult, how to be a person. I was convinced I'd accidentally burn a hole in the floor. So, I guess spilling a bucket of water is the best it could have gone.

Yeah, that was my night. Total I was there almost four hours, so I feel okay about taking a class during my work shift.

And then I drove up to SB and now I'm tucked into bed with the pup, ready for another spa-like weekend of housesitting.

A Feline Farewell

 

Freshly Scrubbed and Decorated

Nothing makes me feel quite as girly and pretty as fresh new beauty products.

I got all my new makeup last week, and yesterday I made a run to Target for new facewash and shampoo and conditioner.

I smell deliiicious, and I'm struttin' around all fancylike.

Dork.

Also at Target, on a whim I bought a strand of glass lights. My intent was to hang them above my TV, but they weren't quite long enough so they ended up on the bedroom side of my studio.

I'm questioning my choice now, though. As much as I love color (no really, I love color), are they a little too....young? Am I past the age where I should have colored bulbs in my room?  They're very pretty, a marbled sort of glass, but I'm not sure how I feel. Perhaps I'll exchange them for a different kind of light. Something more mature and lady-like? Clear?

Or maybe I say FUCK IT. I DO WHAT I WANT.

Plus, check out my new wall pictures! I know I mentioned them weeks ago, but it was only last night that I finally got them permanently hung up. They kept falling down, and the zebra frame is sorta broken now. Bah.

You know me, I love my modern motivational posters.

Wink for Links

This Photobombing Dog Is The Best Thing To Happen To Craigslist In A Long Time

My question is, how many photos did he sneak into without being noticed before his person started posing him?

17 Mesmerizing Before & After Photoshop GIFs

I love this kind of stuff. Photoshop videos on YouTube, too. SO FASCINATING.

Thug Kitchen

This is just brilliance on an unparalleled scale.

The Worst Tattoo Spelling Fails

So no one, from the person getting tattooed, to the artist, to anyone in the shop, though to use spell check? Or a brain? No?

Infographic: The Languages Of New York, Mapped By Tweets

This is just NEAT. There's nothing else to say.