My father is a nut.
A loveable nut, but a nut just the same.
For the last, oh, four or five months or so, he's been quite fixated on his new way of eating, The Whole 9, which is in essence, Paleo minus the stupid fucking "caveman" schtick. No wheat, no dairy, no gluten, no sugar. No legumes, no potatoes. No soy. No joy.
Daddy-O claims this way of eating gives him tons of energy, helped him lose weight, and eradicated most of his cravings for the "bad" things. He's quite the evangelist.
He's been on me to try it too, but I respond with a) I don't like to eat by cutting out entire food groups, 'cause I live by moderation and restricting something is the best way to guarantee I'll eat nothing but that specific thing, b) I'm 25 and I don't really need more energy, and c) I like cheese.
So last night, I started talking about how with my raise, I really really really want a MacBook.
And then my dad bribed me.
He asked how much money he would have to pay me to get me to try The Whole 30, which is (obviously) following the program for a full 30 days. He really things that it will be great for me and my health, and apparently thinks bribery is the way to get me to do it.
He knows me well.
I said, "Buy me my Mac."
Buying my new laptop today, starting the program tomorrow.