Wednesday, June 19, 2013

Defatting the Facebook

I got some sort of bug up my butt last night, and started untagging and deleting pictures off of Facebook.

Specifically, fat pictures.

I mean, it's drastic. The change as you're clicking through my photos, and it goes from now, and last year, to the year before, and all of a sudden it looks like my face is hidden, frozen under a layer in dough. My body looks out of proportion, too wide for my height, and it looks in almost every image like I'm caving in on myself, slouching, trying to appear smaller. There's a shame in my eyes. It's sad.

So click click, remove remove.

The impetus for this decision was the exchange of last names with TS, and the thought that he could potentially friend me on the Face. And then my Sekret Shame would be out there for the stalking before I'd get to confess, "Hey dude, used to be fat." I mean, not that that has to be some big reveal or anything. But that's another post.

Look, I don't want to entirely erase my past. Just...erase the parts of it that make me sad. The pictures that are so opposite of the person I see myself as now. Happy, and healthy. Ish.

Maybe I'll regret it, removing those memories from my digital trail, but maybe I won't.

And it's not like I can ever truly whitewash my past, for lack of a better term. Thinwash? It's not like I've wiped the slate clean. I was big for all of college, and I am not getting rid of all the good memories, every picture that shows me at a size I didn't want to be. Just the ones that do nothing to flatter, have no wonderful vivid emotion attached to them, serve no purpose in the FB-sphere other than to remind me that, once, I was sad.

And I'd like not to be.

So, yes, if TS, or any future guy were to stalk me thoroughly on Facebook, there'd be no mistaking my body has changed. But I feel much better about the image of myself that's out there now vs. the one that was there twenty four hours ago, and that's what counts, right?


  1. Omigosh. I've been wondering if I should do the same thing. And you know, I didn't yet. Maybe because I'm lazy, and maybe because I want to remind myself what I will not ever go back to.

    I've been dating my boyfriend for nearly 3 months now, and if he's stalked my facebook half as much as I stalked his when we first started dating, he's seen some pictures of me 50-60 lbs heavier than I am currently, and it's a very drastic change. I've talked openly with him about my weight loss and that I do weight watchers but in the back of my mind, I'm still terrified he will reject me because of my weight, or what it used to be/I used to look like. I feel like it's ridiculous but it's just this little gnawing fear. Ugh.

    - Sarah (I'm on WW boards as skelts11) :)

    1. Aw, I don't think that's something you need to worry about, Sarah! I'm SURE your boyfriend loves you for who you are, regardless of size. But of course, I understand where those insecurities come from. Whether or not he's seen the pictures, the fact that he knows you used to be heavier means it doesn't matter to him, so hopefully you can move past your fears!