I keep saying I don't want to be hard on myself.
I'm delicate, I say. I'm fragile. I have issues. I've spent a long time being hard on myself, insulting and scolding and punishing, so I should try being kind. I should allow my flaws instead of criticizing them. I should relax, there's no rush. I should be gentle, because I'm damaged. I should stop calling myself fat, and lazy, and ungrateful, and stupid, and fat. I should treat myself with love, and compassion, and respect. I should stop putting so much pressure on myself to be perfect. I should just be nice to ME, like I'm nice to everyone else.
Or maybe I'm just a big giant fucking baby who needs a little tough love. Maybe?
Maybe I need to stop letting myself change my mind or logic myself out of good choices. Maybe, I just need to tell myself I have no more fucking excuses, no more rationalizations, and I just need to do it. Maybe I just need to kick my own ass.
But I don't even really know how to do that.
Does anyone want to volunteer for the role of ass-kicker? It pays nothing but my love, and also my loathing, when you try to make me do something I don't want to do.
So maybe I should hire someone I already hate?
Anyone? Anyone? Bueller?