Saturday, December 29, 2012

It's not starting over.

I can feel it.

That motivation, that drive and desire and inner strength that I've been missing the last, oh, six months or's coming back. I can sense it. I'm going to grab it tight, commit to it so fully...and keep going to therapy so I can subdue any future resurgence of crazy.

I've seen January 1st in the distance for a few weeks now, and I've just been aching to get there. I've let myself spiral even further down in the process, just anxious and waiting for some arbitrary date I can imbue with significance to reset my messed up brain.

I've had two realizations in the last month or so:

1) I am, mostly likely, always going to struggle with food. Some people just do. So, I cannot allow myself to get complacent like I did, to think that I have it all figured out and locked down like some kind of healthy living savant. I need to stay aware, and present.

2) I am not "starting over". I have not "failed", nor done some irreparable damage. This is just life, and I'm living it, and I can't get so caught up in some idea of a timeframe or I will drive myself insane.

If I can just keep reminding myself of this, that life is long and change is a process and I just gotta do my thing...then I'll definitely get back on track.

You just watch.

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