Monday, October 22, 2012

Monday Man Musings

You know you live in LA when you can accurately predict the company a potential suitor works for based on the vague descriptions in their profile. Or maybe just big cities in general?

ShoeDazzle? Check.
Grindr? Check.
BeachBody? Check.


So, speaking of online dating, like that opening there was just absolutely random in nature and not at all intended as a lead-in, last night I went on my first date since rebooting my profile a few weeks ago. He was perfectly nice. Really. We had a good conversations, he was funny, he bought me wine, he did not set off my creepdar (like gaydar, but for creeps). But I had zero desire to tear his clothes off with my teeth. Sure, I'm sure one can DEVELOP that animalistic instinct, but I am not optimistic that it will happen in this case.

Plus, okay, here's the thing: I am attempting to show growth as a human being, so I have started replying to gentlemen who perhaps don't meet my preferred height requirements. (Growth pun totally unintentional.) I'm no gazelle myself so I should really not be so picky. But see, my assumption is that if a guy says on his profile that he's, say, 5'9 or shorter, he's probably exaggerating just a wee bit. (Heh. Wee bit.) At least an inch, maybe two. And the fellow from last night claimed to be a solid 5'8, but I really don't think he was more than two inches taller than me...max. So, my theory remains intact, and I'm really glad I wore flats.

Basically, I just don't like feeling bigger. Even now that I'm significantly lighter, standing next to a guy in my height range makes me feel like a lumbering giantess, all boobs and hips and hair. I felt like I could probably squash this slight fellow with the weight of my bodaciousness. Plus, I can't wear heels. So yeah, not so hot for the thin, short guys. Give me a buff, broad shouldered one and we'll talk.

Anywho! I don't know if he'll ask for a second date, or if he picked up on the friends-only vibe, or what. But I have another date set up for tomorrow. I KNOW I'M SUCH A WHORE. Law student, tall, has a sexy name. I do enjoy a sexy name.

I'm sort of disconnected from the process this time around, which is probably a good thing. I really have zero expectations. My motivation is just to get out of the house and have a conversation with a penis-haver who isn't feline in origin. So, by that measuring stick, every date will be a success!

You know, until I actually like one of them. Feelings complicate EVERYTHING.

We'll just deal with that rickety, hazardous bridge when we come to it.

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