Single White Female

There have been five engagements in my orbit in the last, oh, 10 days or so. Five. A close friend from high school, two of my best friends from college, and two more acquaintances from my past who put their news on Facebook. Sparkly rings and beaming smiles dominate my newsfeed.

Nothing like a deluge of happy couple news to make a single girl feel a little down. Just a little.

Look, I don't need a relationship. I am not desperate, I am not sad, I am not lonely. (Well, I am lonely, but that is unrelated to my single status.) It depresses me greatly when when people tie their entire identity to the idea of being in a "couple", and cannot find their own happiness outside that predetermined framework. There are so many girls I know who truly feel incomplete without a man, who can't function as an independent person, who live their lives as if their sole purpose is finding a pot of penis at the end of some big rainbow. I'm definitely not that girl.

And I'm perfectly content on my own, truly. I've honestly spent so much of my life by myself I'm really quite fine with it. I've always been a pretty solitary person, ever since I was a kid, I've always liked a little breathing room. I'm introverted in that I absolutely need some "me time" to recharge my batteries. Being alone isn't the problem.

And, also, I'd much rather be single than be in a sub-par relationship, I know that for sure, and I'd definitely rather be single than spend every waking moment on the hunt for an eligible douchebag. That sounds exhausting.

So, no, I'm not desperate. And it's not like I want to get married anytime soon.

But still. Still. It would be sort of nice if someone showed some interest in me.

I'm not, you know, ugly? I smell okay. Sometimes I shower. I can hold conversations about very interesting things like the television and what I ate for lunch. I'm nice, sometimes, if you haven't pissed me off, or if I'm not hungry. Or tired. I pretend to be interested in sports and cars and shit. You know, man stuff. I laugh a lot. I have a nice rack.

But alas, all these winning qualities are wasted. Wasted. Not a candidate in sight.

I may not be desperate, and I'm not on the fast-track to marriage and brats, but I do feel like I'm ready for a relationship. I want to get to know a nice guy, and spend time with him, and explore the city with a partner. I'd like to get a little kissage. I wouldn't mind a free meal every now and then. I'd just like to form a connection, temporary is fiiiine. He doesn't have to be the one.

I'm still just not excited about the idea of going back to online dating, but I'm not sure how else to put myself out there more. Bars are always a bust, yoga's not exactly an easy place to chat up a shirtless sweaty dude, the grocery store is full of old men and frazzled dads. I have a bitty crush on a guy at work but I can't exactly jump his bones without violating some sort of code of conduct, whether corporate or social. I don't have a plethora of friends in LA and those that I do have no single men to send to my auditions.

What's a girl to do?

Except buy herself a fake sparkly ring from a Taco Bell vending machine.