Dear Mister Bentley

Dearest Tree,

You know I love you. I've raised you from a tiny little kitten into a big strong gay gentleman, and given you all your little heart could desire. I try my best to make you happy, to make your life as blissful as it can be.

You, however, clearly are not trying to be a good roommate.

Please stop throwing bitch fits at 5:30AM because you're hungry. Your feeder will go off at 6. I promise you.

Also, bitch fits at any time are really unacceptable. I don't speak Cat. Try morse code.

Also, if you're mad at me for not paying enough attention to you, please talk about it with me like an adult.

Don't poop in front of my face while I'm sleeping.

Love,
Your mother