Saturday, May 12, 2012

Don't Forget This Feeling

The brain is a funny thing. It tricks you, lies to you, runs a film strip of all your doubts and insecurities even while you're screaming in your head "SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP!" Even when you consciously know what you want, what you need, there's something unknown tripping you up, tangling your thoughts, being all self-destructive and shit. It's the worst.

My example: I love hot yoga. I LOVE IT. It's painful and suffocating and hard, but it makes me feel so centered and strong and proud. So why, pray tell, do I fight myself every time I plan to practice? My body will naturally wake me up in time for 6AM class, as if it's begging me to go, and my brain will keep me in bed, begging for just a tiny bit more sleep, we can go after work, and I fight with myself until it's too late...and then all day at work, I plan and plan, my clothes are in the car then by the time 5PM rolls around all motivation is gone, and I end up on my ass with the cat.

It's exhausting. And irritating.

This morning I burned about 800 calories in a killer 75 minute Hot Power Fusion class at CorePower Yoga. I felt in control of my body, I found myself closer to poses that have seemed out of my reach, I hardly spent any time flattened in child's pose with my HR at 190. I feel light, energized, incredible.

I don't know what my damage is. I don't know what holds me back, what piece of the puzzle I have yet to find. All I know is I can't forget this feeling. This is what I should remind myself of when it starts to seem too hard, this is what I have to get addicted to in order to change. This feeling is what I want.

Current Calorie Count: 3306

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