Tuesday, September 17, 2013

Eff Me Fashion

I've been obsessing for weeks about what to wear in Vegas.

This is a tricky, tricky problem.

Well, okay, I do have a closet full of suitable Vegas dresses from my numerous, numerous trips over the years, but we run into a number of problems. Effin' problems. F Problems, even.

The first problem is very shallow. Well, all the problems are shallow, but the first is exceptionally so. See, most have my dresses have been SEEN before...on Facebook. Oh yes, the dreaded, F. FACEBOOK. Effin' Facebook. Spoiling my style. But when you're trying to impress a quarter dozen different boys you hope are creepin' your profile spread out across the country with your sex appeal via your pictures, you kinda want some new duds. So shallow, I know.

Not that they likely really notice a variety of clothes, anyway.

The second big problem: Some dresses just don't fit anymore.

Because another problem: The other F word. A word I am trying to ban from my writing and thinking, a word with way too much baggage... See, of course, in my weeks of darkness on this blog, in the course of my recent binging, yoga-avoiding, and general malaise...I have gained weight. Which means I do not feel comfortable in most of my clothing anymore. Especially tight, sexy little dresses designed to show off the skin I'm not so comfortable in. Dresses I'll feel the need to suck in...in.


So I bought one dress, which is all loose and covered up, thinking it would hide the flaws I'm seeing in myself. But in reality, trying to hide these things just emphasizes them, no? A bigger body looks bigger with more fabric on it. And Vegas is for tight and shiny, not loose and demure.

So that dress is out.

(Plus, I already have pictures of it on Facebook from a few weeks ago...dork.)

I did find one option in the depths of my closet, so night #1 is all taken care of. I had decided to borrow a dress for night #2 from my Biff, but since she didn't end up coming to the Valley for our get together this past weekend, that didn't happen. So alas, I had to shop.


I'm not even being 100% sarcastic. It's a little tragic. 'Cause I'm 'po. But you know, such is life, and you know...I like new shiny things.

So today, I shopped at my favorite friendly neighborhood Marshall's, which was pathetically devoid of options, and man this post is extremely long and shallow but at least I'm writing, right, and to wrap it up here, I found a dress I feel comfortable and attractive in for under $20. More than attractive, maybe? Well...see...

It's a bit of an EFF ME dress.

The amount of side boob is...impressive. It has leather. It's black...I did mention I'm seeing Thumper in Vegas, right?

I texted him today: "I am totally going to inflict this dress on you."

He adored the use of the word "inflict."

I'm not completely sure I have the ladyballs to pull it off. I might go find something else tomorrow...or I might rock this sexy little frock in Vegas with my Barbie heels.

Teehee. *cough* Eff. Me.

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