Just as quickly as I fall into something, I can fall right out. I'm fickle like that.
And for the moment, I have totally fallen out with online dating.
We've had a fight, OKCupid and I. A little lover's spat. Weeks of depressingly unoriginal emails and shirtless douchebag mirror pics, not to mention a few randomly insulting messages, had started to wear down my enthusiasm for the whole endeavor. And then there was the Ginger Problem.
Ginger #1, as you know, disappeared off the face of the Earth in a very mature fashion when I got back from Spain. Me being me, I couldn't just let it go without getting in a final word, so I defriended him on Facebook last week with a sharp little reprimand about courtesy. I actually got a pretty instantaneous reply, and it was an apology...sort of. Really, it was the worst apology ever, and ended up just making me feel absolutely terrible about myself. (Hence the last week of food shame spiral. Stupid boys fucking with my brain.)
Then, there was a Ginger 2.0 on the horizon. We chatted on the phone. We set a date. I was throughout optimistic about this apparent upgrade, better job, better smile, older and theoretically wiser. Not so much. He totally blew off our scheduled dinner, and that was that. 2.0 failure.
Ugh. FUCKING GINGERS. My affection for them is waning, I will say.
I just had zero enthusiasm left for strange Internet dudes after these back-to-back incidents, and have decided it is time for me to take a little rejuvenating break. And truly, when I started this experiment a few months ago my goal was just to date. It had been awhile, and I wanted to make sure I hadn't forgotten how, plus I was in need of a little attention. I was not on the hunt for an insta-boyfriend. So I got a little experience, I got some fun, and I'm allllll set, for now.
This is not to say I won't return to online dating in a few weeks or months, but for now I just don't feel the need to search for anything. I wouldn't turn something wonderful away if it happened organically, but I have more important things to do right now than go on first date after first date trying to force a connection.
I'd rather reconnect with myself. I need to focus on getting myself back on track, on yoga and maybe running, on getting myself to the place I really want to be. Then maybe I'll feel ready again.