Wednesday, July 18, 2012

First World White Girl Problems

Ridiculous problem of the week: when is it too soon to defriend a guy on Facebook who's blown you off?

You don't want to be too soon, 'cause then he thinks you're all sad and hurt and crying into your Ben and Jerry's whilst watching "The Notebook" over and over and over again. (Note: I am not doing this.) And despite the fact that he obviously does not give a single shit, let alone two, you still care what he thinks of you. And you don't want him to know you're a total clingy crazy who's mentally through with him after ten days of no contact. (Note: I am not mentally through.)

But you also don't want to wait too long, because what if he defriends you? That would be the worst. And honestly, having him show up on your newsfeed and chat window irritates you, because it reminds you he still exists in the world and isn't, you know, dead. If he was dead, at least he'd have a decent excuse.

So you block his posts from showing up on your homepage, and fix your settings to hide him when he's online. But that doesn't stop you from searching his name every other day, checking his profile and finding inane statuses (statii?) that prove that, yup, still not dead. Just livin' his Ginger life, happy as a clam, not giving you another thought.

Of course, you post pictures of yourself looking skinny and hot and happy, write statuses (statii?) about how awesome life is, check in at restaurants and hope he thinks you're with another dude. Because you are very, very mature. This is pointless, of course. If he cared enough to check your profile to see what you're up to, he'd care enough to you know...text you. Ask you out. SOMETHING.

Seriously, a PSA to everyone out there: once you get past three dates, maybe four, you owe a blow-off text at the VERY least. GOD.

Okay, so for now, we'll stay friends.

Facebook friends, anyway. It's not like he's treated me like a real one.

#firstworldproblems #whitegirlproblems #ohbabyjesus #iamsopathetic

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