Saturday, June 9, 2012

My Life Plan

Have I shared this with you yet? I have crafted a fool-proof plan for the way my life is going to go. It will result in fame, a wealth of riches, and the kind of happiness only money can buy.

Don't argue with me.

Step One:

Become famous on the Internet. This blog is the ticket. Of course, I have to figure out some what to a) get people to read it b) make it interesting enough to warrant fame. Perhaps my devilish wit will carry me through. Or this may involve sleeping with a famous actor and trading on their name. (This part of the plan may not be thoroughly thought out.)

Step Two:

Get a book deal. Perhaps at some point I'll start writing fiction in this here corner of the Internet, and it'll blow up, "The Hunger Games" style. (By the way. Suzanne Collins totally stole my thunder. I've had a dystopian future/epic war/love triangle novel in progress for years I tell you.) Or this book will be an enlightening, heart-breakingly funny, devastatingly vulnerable memoir. (I may need a ghost writer.) Regardless, someone will recognize my money-making potential and I will get sucked up into the machine.

Step Three:

Get legit famous. At this point, someone can get famous for nothing, so perhaps just being a super awesome writer will be enough to get me on Conan. And I'm sure if I slap on some hair extensions andHervé Léger bandage dress when I get to goal, I can wrangle myself a spot on TMZ. I may have to get drunk in public. I'm flexible, really.

Step Four:

Make money. I am not above selling out. Corporate sponsorships. Writing cheesy romcom scripts. Ads on the blog. Et cetera. And then I will buy shit that's awesome.

Step Five:

Assuming I am still single at this point, and I'm into my 30s, I may begin having hot collegiate interns. Don't judge.

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